In Search of Euphoria
by lovelovelove22
Summary: Bella is a troubled teenager, and Edward is hopelessly in love with her. He tries to prove to her that the medication, the doctors appointments, and the episodes only make him love her more.
1. Preface

**I'm warning you now: this story is a lot darker than the stories I usually write. **

**I was watching an old documentary with my fiancée's frat brothers and got to talking about the subject, which gave me the idea for this. Please review!**

Preface, EPOV:

Her face was expressionless, gazing off into space. Her brown curls had been tamed into a sloppy ponytail at the nape of her neck, and her eyes were focused on something in the distance.

Bella's head rested on her mother's lap, and Renée was tenderly stroking her daughters pale cheek. When I quietly closed the door behind me, Renée looked up. Bella, however, did not.

"She had a rough day today." Renée whispered at my concerned expression. I sank to my knees in front of Bella and slowly moved a strand of hair from her face before running my thumb gently down her cheek. "I'll leave you two alone. Just holler if you need something." Renée's tone dropped as she stood up and whispered in my ear. "Don't bring up her doctor's appointment. Not today." I nodded and Renée left the room, casting one last glance as Bella's huddled form. I moved slowly, sinking into the spot Renée had previously occupied and eased Bella's head onto my lap.

We sat in silence for a long time; me stroking her hand and occasionally playing with her hair. Finally, I found the courage to speak.

"How do you feel?" I asked quietly. Bella shifted a little and looked at me for the first time since I had come over. Her brown eyes looked worn, and her lips seemed set in a permanent frown.

"Shitty." She admitted, her voice cracked and hollow. Her fingers intertwined with mine and she sighed; a low, mournful sound.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella shook her head stubbornly and sat up, wincing and rubbing her forehead.

"Head rush. And no. I don't want to talk about it." She explained in a hoarse whisper. Without further hesitation, she slid onto my lap and I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her tightly to my chest. "I'm sorry." She whispered into the crook of my neck. I felt liquid against my neck and realized she was crying.

"Shh, Bella, it's fine." I assured her, lifting her head with my chin and using the cuff of my shirt to dry her tears. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You don't have to pretend. I understand." Bella said in a monotone voice, fixing her eyes on the floor.

"No one here is pretending, baby. I love you." No matter how many times I whispered those words in her ear, she always found a way to doubt them.

"The doctor gave me new medicine." She whispered. "He says I'm bipolar." I felt my heart sink and let a tear escape down my cheek before wiping my eyes. How many more things would Bella have to endure? Depression, bipolar disorder, physical abuse, verbal abuse, _sexual_ abuse…..what now? What else could come along and shatter Bella any further?

"I love you." I whispered against her cheek, placing kisses over the tears that fell freely down her face. Bella only whimpered a little and clung tighter to me, closing all space between us, like we were fused together.

I didn't want to let her go ever again. This was not going to change things.

**So this is a short chapter, but it's just the preface. The actual chapters are going to be much longer.**

**Now, I want to make one thing clear. I am, in no way or form, stereotyping the people that suffer through the disorders mentioned and dealt with in this story. My future brother-in-law, Adam, suffered from severe depression, bipolar disorder, and verbal abuse as a teenager. He is 24 years old now and under medication, and is living a normal life. And we (me and his family) couldn't love him more.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**

**P.S. Please review and tell me what you thought!**


	2. Shaking

**Important: This chapter takes place a year before the preface does.**

EPOV, September 20, 2009:

I first heard her name when I walked into homeroom.

"…Isabella Swan. She apparently got _raped _by her boyfriend and he abused her."

"I heard that she cracked and started having meltdowns and panic attacks, so her dad sent her here."

"I bet she's psycho."

I frowned and raised an eyebrow at my stepsister, Alice. She shook her head sadly and went back to her book.

"But she's pretty damn sexy. Maybe I'll pay special attention to her." I recognized the cocky, arrogant voice of Mike Newton, the school's biggest ass. I turned my head slightly and saw him laughing with his idiot friends. Alice followed my gaze and rolled her eyes.

"Ignore them." She muttered. But it was hard not to pay attention.

I looked for her all day, but only heard murmurs of her name. And then I walked into biology and there she was. Sitting at my lab table with her head ducked down and her arms crossed tightly across her dress. Nearly everyone was staring at her, whispering behind their palms. But she never lifted her head or even moved. I gingerly sat down next to her, placing my elbows on the table and not speaking. Her eyes met mine for the briefest of seconds, then dropped back down to her lap.

Her eyes, a stunning chocolate brown, were empty and filled with an emotion I could only classify as fear.

"Hi. I'm Edward." I said quietly so no one else could hear. Her lips moved but no sound came out.

"Bella." She finally whispered through chapped lips. I awkwardly handed her a lab book which she accepted with a shaky hand.

"So….do you like Forks?" I asked sociably. She didn't respond, just scrawled her notes into the lab book. Her handwriting looked like chicken scratch and her hands were still shaking. I noticed that her lips were moving as well, but she wasn't talking. We didn't speak the entire class period, and Bella didn't look up from her notes.

"You can have the last time minutes to talk among yourselves." The teacher called from the front of the room, settling into her desk chair and pulling out her grade book.

The class erupted in chatter and laughter, but Bella continued to stare at her notes. She was sitting on her hands now, biting her bottom lip. I was silent for a few minutes, thinking maybe she would say something, but she never did.

"Edward." Alice hovered over our lap table, her eyes trained on me.

"Bella, this is my stepsister Alice." I said, and Bella's glanced up for a second and she offered the tiniest of smiles to Alice. Her eyes then went back to the tabletop.

The bell rang and Bella shot out of her seat like she had been burned. Alice and I lingered, frowning after her as she bolted into the parking lot and into the passenger's seat of a red truck.

"That was weird." Alice commented as we picked through the flood of students to my car. "Did she talk to you at all?" I shook my head and unlocked the car.

"She told me her name was Bella. That was it." I shrugged and slid into the car as my other stepsister, Rosalie approached us and got into the backseat.

"So did you hear about the new girl?" She asked quietly as we drove away. "She flipped out during P.E. when Mike Newton touched her arm…..started crying and shoving him away."

"Wow." Alice muttered, looking at Rosalie over the seat. "I mean, I read about what happened to her, and I can't believe what she went through. She must be _terrified_."

"Yeah." I murmured, not taking my eyes from the road. "What exactly did happen to her, Alice? I never read the articles."

"Her boyfriend back in Arizona abused her." Alice said in a low voice. "Physically, verbally, and sexually. Her dad found out and sent her here to live with her mom. The guy was arrested and everything, but I'm guessing she's still scared." I inhaled deeply, wondering what exactly Bella was feeling.

BPOV, March 15, 2009:

"Surprise." A cold, hard voice said from behind me and I whirled around, coming face to face with James.

"Are you still mad?" I asked timidly. The bruise on my cheek was an indication of just how mad he had been yesterday, the bruises up and down my arms showed just how often he got mad.

"Can you shut up for one second?" He growled, yanking me over and kissing my fiercely. He was not gentle, his arms locked around me in a vise grip. I struggled, trying to free myself. James bit down hard on my lip, swearing as I was finally able to break away from him.

"Stop, please." I begged, backing up. My back slammed against the wall, making me wince.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch!" James roared, shoving me again so that my head banged against the wall. "Can you act like a semi-intelligent person for once in your life? You listen to_ me_, Bella. You are _mine_."

"James!" I wailed, huddling into a ball on the floor and trying to scurry away from him.

"You're such an idiot." He snarled. "No wonder no one else wants you, so I have to deal with you." James reached down the yanked my jeans down, ignoring my cries.

I sobbed the entire time, clutching at my hair and screaming as James forced himself into me and pounded his fists into my face and body, until I felt a searing pain and everything finally went black. I couldn't see James's face anymore, couldn't hear him screaming at me, couldn't feel his fists battering my body.

I didn't open my eyes for a long time. I could hear people around me, moving around and talking quietly. And when I finally allowed my eyes to open, I was in a hospital room. My parents, whom I haven't seen together in the same room for over ten years, were whispering the corner.

Upon seeing I was awake, my parents pounced on me, asking me how I felt and if I was okay.

They could see the scars marking my skin, but not the injuries James had inflicted on the inside.

**I'm watching The Teen Choice Awards and laughing at Robert Pattinson's beautiful British accent. The man-child brigade have been imitating him all night, making me burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. It took me a long time to write this chapter because they keep coming up behind me and going 'I'm a sparkling British man!' and I couldn't control my laughter.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**

**P.S. Please review!**


	3. Difference

**So I'm really sad that I won't be able to update anymore from the 13-22. But we're going backpacking through Europe, so….not happening. My fiancée has been teasing me all week about how I will survive without writing! I was really pissed about it until he bought me a five subject notebook so I can still write when we are on our trip. I'll take the compromise.**

EPOV, September 28, 2009:

Every day for a week, Bella acted the same way. She would sit on her hands or wrap her arms around her chest, and she hardly ever looked up. She moved her lips every so often, but no words ever came out.

Then, I came into Biology on Monday morning and she was, in simplest of terms, _different_.

She sat up a little straighter and her hands were flat on the desk. Her eyes, which usually looked so dead and fearful, were a little brighter and trained towards the front of the room. But I noticed that her lips were a little drawn and her eyes were wide. I gingerly sank into my seat and offered her a small smile.

"Hi." I tried to keep my voice light, but Bella still flinched. And then she responded.

"Hi. I'm Bella." I was stunned at the sound of her voice, which was clear and musical. And beautiful. This was the first time I heard her speak, although I had been sitting next to her every day for a week.

"Edward." I offered my smile larger now.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you last week." Bella was blushing now, smiling a bit more. "I was, uh, a little out of it."

"It's okay." I managed, before the teacher came in and started the lesson.

I noticed Bella peeking over at me once in a while, a curious look in her deep brown eyes. Her eyes were rimmed in red, like she had been crying, but they were still beautiful.

She never looked at me for long, switching focus at other things and people in the room. Every time she looked at me, I suddenly found my heart beating just a touch faster, and I couldn't help but smile each time I felt her eyes on my face.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said when class ended. She was walking beside me, both of us lingering at our lab table. I noticed that her hand was wrapped tightly around her iPod, and her thumb was twitching very slightly.

"Okay." She said awkwardly, playing with the zipper of her jacket. "I'll….um, I'll see you then." Bella was a bit standoffish and nervous, but I didn't care. She was mesmerizing.

She walked out the door, ducking her head down and shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket. I followed, watching as she exited the main doors and made her way across the parking lot. I veered off to my locker, craning my neck to see as she climbed in the red truck.

"Knock it off." Rosalie said, leaning against the locker next to mine and frowning, her eyes also following Bella. "She's a psychopath, Edward. Insane. And you need to stay away from her." I grimaced, slamming my locker door shut and walking into the parking lot. Rosalie persisted, staying on my heels. "Do you know what she did yesterday?" I didn't answer, just kept walking to my car. "She flipped out during study hall when Ben started playing some random song on his iPod. She started crying and ran out of the room. There's something wrong with her, Edward. Something about her just….isn't right."

"Maybe that's why she needs a friend." I said quietly. It wasn't until we reached the car that I realized Alice wasn't with us. "Where the hell is Alice?" I asked gruffly, strapping my seatbelt as Rosalie slid into the passenger's seat.

"At Jasper's." She replied, a sour look still on her face.

"Whatever." I replied, pulling out of the parking lot and pulling onto the main road.

We road home in silence.

EPOV, September 29, 2009:

"Can I sit here?" Bella's quiet voice interrupted my thoughts, and I jerked my head up in surprise.

"Uh, sure." I said quickly, clearing a spot for her at my double desk.

I was sitting in study hall, lounged out in my seat with my notebook open in my lap, an ear-bud in one ear.

"Thanks." She whispered, sitting down and setting her books down. I looked her over and frowned, noticing there was something different about her.

"Where's your iPod?" I asked humorously, raising my eyebrow. I had noticed in the past week that she carried her iPod with her everywhere and constantly fiddled with it; playing with the ear-buds or scrolling through her songs. Bella paled and dropped her gaze to the floor.

"I don't feel like listening to music right now." She explained, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Her hand was shaking now.

"Oh. Sorry." I shrugged, turning my attention back to my notebook and scribbling down some random notes.

"It's okay." She murmured softly. "So….Alice and Rosalie are your stepsisters?" She asked awkwardly, tracing her fingers around the grooves and markings on the desk.

"Um, yeah. They are." I was startled by this sudden change of subject. Bella was quite, her face flaming red and her eyes still sad.

"I like Alice." She whispered after several minutes. "She's in my Spanish class. And Rosalie…uh, she's-"

"A little hard to get used to." I said with a tight smile. "I'm sorry for however she's been acting. I know she can be tough." Bella's eyes clouded over and she sat on her hands.

"They all think I'm crazy." She murmured, biting her lip. Then she fiercely met my gaze, the look in her eyes fiery. "I'm not. I'm not crazy."

"I believe you." I stuttered, taken aback.

"Good." Bella was breathing harder, her face flushed. "I'm not." She whispered so quietly I could barely hear her.

But I did.

EPOV, October 7, 2009:

She hadn't shown up to school for the past week.

I had waited for her the next day in biology, eager to discover more about the Bella that actually spoke to me. But she never showed up. I sat at the lab table alone, then wondered if she would show up at the after school study hall again. Even though I didn't really have any work to do, I went out of curiosity. After securing rides home for my sisters, of course.

No show.

The next day was worse, because now I was actually worried. I remember the sad, scared look in her eyes and wondered if something terrible had happened to her again, something big enough to make her miss school.

She didn't show up the next day either, or Monday. Tuesday came and went, but still nothing.

And then, on Wednesday, she was back.

**I've been working some symptoms into Bella's character that I hope you will recognize as depression/bipolar signs. Such as; change in interests, twitching, sudden and long lasting mood swings, detachment, inabilities to focus, changing the subject often, etc.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	4. Panic

**My updating will be on pause starting tomorrow and branching out until the 22! Not looking forward to my time without my beloved fanfiction. I guess I'll have to settle for my fiancée (well, husband in a couple of days) instead….LOL.**

EPOV, October 7, 2009:

Sadness.

That was the only word that could describe the look in Bella's eyes as she walked through the door into Biology five minutes late.

She handed the teacher a yellow slip of paper; meaning this had been an unexcused absence. Who missed a week of school due to an unexcused absence? Bella sat stiffly in her seat, never once looking at me or moving her eyes from her lap. Her lips were trembling rapidly, and her fingers didn't stop twitching the entire class period. I made these observations as worry crashed down on me.

Where had she been?

Class ended and Bella started to dash off, but I grabbed her elbow. A startled cry escaped her lips and she froze, practically slumping to the floor.

"Don't." She whispered, her eyes closed and her lips moving quickly, though she wasn't saying anything else. I loosened my grip slightly but she didn't relax her stance. A light sheen of sweat had broken on Bella's forehead, she started breathing heavily, and I saw the pure terror that suddenly formed in her beautiful brown eyes. Her head dropped and she started shaking. Immediately, I knew what was happening. She was having a panic attack. I had never been more thankful that my father was a doctor.

"Calm down, Bella. You're okay, I'm not going to hurt you." I whispered in a soothing tone, pulling a stool over to her but knowing that I shouldn't touch her. She practically fell into the seat, and I could see the pulse in her neck picking up speed. My hands starting rubbing between her shoulder blades as Bella started to shake harder and gasp for breath; her eyes going wide with fear and anxiety. "In through the nose, out through the mouth." I murmured, looking around desperately for help. I couldn't leave Bella, but she needed medical attention.

"Edward, what's taking you so long?" Alice stuck her head in the door and immediately paled at what she saw.

"Get the nurse down here, Alice. Now." I said in a soft tone, trying not to agitate Bella any further. Alice did what she was told, turning on her heel and running in the direction of the nurses' office.

The nurse and the principal appeared within two minutes, Alice following close behind.

"You can go now, Mr. Cullen." The principal said kindly. "You've done enough, thank you for the help."

I didn't want to leave her.

"Make sure she takes this." I hurriedly ripped a piece of paper from my notebook and hastily scribbled a note, fully aware that Rosalie now stood in the doorway behind Alice, tapping her foot impatiently.

_Bella, _

_Please call me and let me know you're ok_

_Edward_

I tucked the scrap into the book she had been reading and smiled a little at the title.

Wuthering Heights.

Rosalie huffed from the doorway, and I turned around, breezing past my sisters. I didn't dare turn around and look at Bella, although it was all I could do not to rush back to her side.

Her recent problems contributed to her behavior, _that_ I was sure of. I remember Rosalie telling me how she freaked out when Mike Newton touched her arm, which was exactly what I had done. It had scared her.

How could I be so stupid?

And what could I be missing? There was something wrong with Bella Swan, but I knew she wasn't crazy. No. She was broken, and no one could figure out how to fix her. She was hurt, and no one could figure out how to help her. But I would try.

EPOV, October 9, 2009:

I needed to see her. I needed to see if she was okay. She hadn't called me, but I still needed to know.

I was sitting in the living room at my house, restlessly flipping through my Spanish notes.

"Is something wrong, dear?" My mother, Esme asked kindly, putting her magazine to the side. I saw Rosalie and Alice both peer up from their own study materials, their eyes giving away their curiosity.

"No…I'm just worried about a girl in my biology class." I muttered, struggling to sound indifferent. "She was supposed to give me her part of our lab, but she's been gone for the last couple of days." Rosalie look back down at her books very quickly, a strange look on her face. But Alice didn't look away suspiciously, she just smiled a little before picking her note cards up again.

"Well, why don't you go ask her about it? It's only 8 o'clock on a Friday night, she'll be home." Esme frowned. "Of course, unless she's out with friends or something."

"I highly doubt Bella Swan would be out with friends." She snorted, then covered her mouth with her hand, her manicured nails shining in the light of the fire. My father, Carlisle, who had been working on paperwork on the couch next to Esme, looked up at the mention of Bella's name. He looked back down again quickly, but I caught the look in his eyes.

He knew something.

"I'll go over to her house." I decided, putting my notes down and getting up. "I'll be home later." I called over my shoulder, slipping my coat on and patting my pockets to make sure I had my cell phone and car keys.

I only knew the area Bella lived in, because I remembered trick-or-treating as a child and stopping at Renée Swan's home on for than one occasion. But as I pulled up to the neighborhood, I couldn't recall which house was hers, only that it was part of the cul-de-sac.

Then, I spotted the familiar red truck that Bella was picked up in every day after school and knew this was the house. An upstairs window was on, as well as the porch light. I gathered the extra biology notes I had copied for Bella; a lame excuse as to why I was here. I walked up to the house and rang the doorbell without hesitation, feeling oddly at ease.

The door swung open and Renée stood there, her face tired and worn. She looked confused when she saw me, but did not turn me away.

"You're Dr. Cullen's son." She furrowed her brow. "Edward, right?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm also in Bella's biology class and wanted to bring her some notes she missed. And to see if she had finished her part of her lab." Renée's face fell even further and she pushed the hair out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I don't think Bella finished that lab." She said apologetically, smiling weakly. "But…wait here, I'll see if she'll let you in." Renée ushered me inside the cozy house and pointed me in the direction of the couch before walking lightly up the stairs.

I could hear her knock on a door, then soft murmurs. Renée returned only a few seconds later, looking agitated and a bit confused.

"She says you can come in." She said simply. "Take this up to her." She slid a plate into my hands; containing a sandwich and an apple. "She hasn't been eating much." Renée explained in a whisper before pointing me up the stairs. "First door on the right." She added; walking into the kitchen with her shoulders slumped.

I took a deep breath and lightly knocked on the door.

"Bella?" I asked balancing the plate in one hand and holding her notes in the other.

"Wait." A strangled voice came from beyond the doorway and I waited patiently, until Bella eased the door open.

I saw her , and I knew. Whatever was happening to her……it was bad.

**I will be updating this tomorrow and maybe in the morning on the 13, but no guarantee's. Please review and stuff!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	5. Confession

**Shit, I lost my other shoe! And there is no way in hell I'm getting married wearing one Louboutin.**

**P.S. Shout out to Jessica and Keely for getting me the Louboutins for my wedding. I love them….I just have to find the other one.**

EPOV, October 9, 2009:

I had never seen anything like this.

Bella opened the door to her room and I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. She was wearing a worn ribbed tank top, so different than the sweatshirts and baggy tees she wore to school. This….this showed the part of her I had never seen. Several scars ran up and down her arms, and she had a tiny tattoo on her collarbone. It was a _J_.

It was difficult enough to look past all that, but everything else was much worse. She was alabaster pale, dark bags hung under her eyes, her lips were so chapped they were bloody. Her eyes were totally and absolutely dead. Her ghostly little fingers held the door open, inviting me inside.

I hesitantly stepped inside her room, inhaling deeply. Everything was still in boxes, and clothes were scattered about. Several school books and notebooks lay open on various spots on the floor, like they had been thrown around. I lifted my eyes to Bella, my gaze worried. Her eyes didn't change, they barely focused.

"I'm not crazy." She whispered, sinking onto a mattress on the floor. I noticed there was no bed, just a mattress. She raised her voice, staring at me with defiance. "I'm not fucking crazy." She hissed, throwing a pillow on the floor. "Is this what you wanted to see? Why the new girl acts so weird?" Bella was spewing anger now, ranting, her eyes still not focusing on anything in particular. "Well I don't fucking know why, Edward. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." She let out a broken sob and grabbed at the ends of her hair in agony. "I'm not crazy." She whispered once more, but I couldn't tell if it was addressed to me our herself.

"I don't think you're crazy." I said quietly, sitting on the floor next to her mattress. "How do you feel, Bella?" I asked, crossing my legs Indian style.

"You wouldn't understand." She replied haughtily, though her tone was remorseful.

"I bet I could, if you told me." I tried, running my hands through my hair.

"Yeah right." Bella muttered. "What does perfect Edward Cullen know about hurt?" I looked her, confused, but she held her hand up. It was shaking. "People told me about the Cullen's. Your all so damn faultless. Rosalie is beautiful and smart, Alice is beautiful and kind, and you….well you're just fucking perfect. Your parents _both_ love you, and don't look at you like you belong in an asylum. Your father is a doctor and your mom is a housewife. You have everything." She ranted, squeezing eyes shut and clenching her fists. Some of her comments stung, but I let them slide.

"Did you know I'm adopted?" I finally asked, looking up at her. Bella met my eyes, looking adorably confused, but still pissed off.

"No." She said shortly, drawing her knees to her chest.

"Not long after Carlisle and Esme got married, they found out Esme couldn't have kids. Children were the one thing they really wanted, besides each other, so they tried to decide what to do. They considered surrogacy first, and then decided on adoption." I took a deep breath and Bella nodded, egging me to continue. Her lips were moving, but her hands weren't shaking anymore. "They found me in the foster care system. I was ten months old, and my parents fucking left me on the streets of Seattle." Bella still didn't move, so I continued my story. "They adopted me and I eventually grew to love them. Actually, it only took a year with them for me to start calling them _mommy and daddy_." I laughed cruelly, thinking of how different things are now. "And then, just when everything was working out, a _miracle_ happened." I said bitterly, fiddling with my shoelaces. "Esme got pregnant thanks to in vitro. Twins."

"Rosalie and Alice." Bella murmured, looking at me through her lashes. Still no true expression in her eyes.

"Yes. My darling sisters." I spat. "I was a toddler, finally adjusted to a new mother and father, when people started asking me if I was excited. I didn't understand what they meant. I saw my mother getting bigger; I saw how she and my father would marvel over her stomach." My voice dropped. "I watched as they slowly forgot about me. That pregnancy, it was considered a fucking miracle. But to me, it was the end of life as I knew it. Damn, I was a baby myself." I clenched my jaw. This part was the hardest to talk about. "And when they were born, two months early, I truly was forgotten." Bella frowned.

"I'm sure that's not true." She sad sullenly. I laughed bitterly and closed my eyes, tilting my head back so that it hit the wall.

"I know they still love me. But Rosalie and Alice became a priority. I, personally, think they were trying to prove to themselves that they could really do it. They could really have their own children. They didn't neglect me or anything….I was just always in the background. It's been a hard experience for me, but I'm close to Alice now. Rosalie….not so much." I stopped, not wanted to reveal the most painful part of my story to a girl I barely knew.

"Wow." She whispered. I got up, turning my back to her.

"Are you coming to school tomorrow?" I asked reluctantly, still not facing her.

"I don't know." Bella said with no emotion in her voice.

"If you do, call me. I'll pick you up and take you home." I located her _Wuthering Heights_ novel from the floor and took the scrap of paper with my cell phone number out. "You never called." I said softly, moving so that I was facing her.

"I haven't felt like reading for awhile." She explained, blushing. "Please, go." Bella murmured.

"Bella, I've never told anybody any of that." I said, pausing with my hand on the doorknob. "Not even my friends. Please don't repeat any of that." I didn't wait for her response, just walked out of the room, making sure to quietly close the door behind me.

I had just told my deepest and innermost feelings to my biology lab partner whom I've known for about three weeks. But, somehow, for the first time in years, I didn't give a damn.

**Edward angst….now I **_**really**_** gotta go find that stupid shoe. **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	6. Family

**I found my shoe. Paulie, two members of the man child brigade (Paul and Ollie, they are **_**so**_** bromantic), were playing with the shoe. I have no idea why. I just took the shoe back and smacked them with the shoe.**

EPOV, October 9, 2009:

I looked at my phone one last time before sighing and slinging my backpack over one shoulder.

"Let's go." I said grudgingly to Alice and Rosalie, who were waiting impatiently by the door. Rosalie clucked her tongue before skirting out the door and to the car. Alice, however, hugged me as we walked out the door.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." She said reassuringly, her high pitched voice confident. But….Alice hadn't seen Bella yesterday. I had. It was something I will never forget.

"Come on!" Rosalie shouted from the car, agitated. "I want to get to school on time, Emmett is meeting me before homeroom."

"Do you think you could stop dating my best friends?" I asked irritably. "You screw with them, then you dump them, and it's too weird for me to hang out with them after that."

"Alice is dating Jasper." Rosalie scoffed, twirling a strand around her finger. "And you have no problem with him."

"Yeah, but Jasper isn't fucking my baby sister. I _know_ what you and Emmett get around to, Rose. It's sick." I pointed out angrily. Alice giggled and slapped her hand over her mouth while Rosalie blushed red. "So do me a favor and either stop fucking Emmett or actually start dating him." We pulled into the school parking lot, and I craned my neck to look for the red truck Bella always arrived in. Nothing.

"You're such a dick." Rosalie hissed, throwing her door open and stalking off, her cheeks still tinted pinker than usual.

"That was a little blunt." Alice chided, walking with me up to the school.

"You guys are 16 years old, Alice. And Rosalie is steadily working her way through my friends." I huffed, holding the door open for my little sister. "Just promise me you'll keep her in line when I go off to college next fall." I was semi-serious, but still smiling.

"Fine. I promise." Alice rolled her eyes. "If _you_ keep an eye on Jasper when you guys are in college." I studied her for a moment, taking in the way her hazel eyes flickered when she spoke Jasper's name.

"Do you think it's going to last that long?" I asked quietly, looking down at her. Alice's jaw dropped, and I instantly realized my mistake. "Oh fuck, I didn't mean it like that." I explained. "I just meant, do you see yourself in a long term relationship with him? Is it that serious?"

"Yes." Alice said simply. "I really-" She was interrupted by a low chime. My cell phone.

_e- _

_not coming to school today. but thanks…. for everything._

_-b_

I slammed my phone shut and shoved it back in my pocket, curiously disappointed. I don't know why, but I actually missed her.

EPOV, October 10, 2009:

"Alice has a few pieces in the school's art show next week." Esme said absentmindedly as she sorted through the mail in the kitchen, leaning her elbows on the island. I was sitting there, eating my hot pocket and flipping through my biology book, bored out of my mind.

"When?" Carlisle asked from the chair next to me. He was bent over more paperwork; the pen in his hand never stopping.

"Friday night at the school." Esme replied, holding up the flyer and setting it next to Carlisle's ever-present briefcase. He sighed and set his pen down to better examine the flyer. I felt a wave of dread crash over me and I cleared my throat. Carlisle and Esme both looked up at me.

"I thought we were going to tour the University of Seattle Friday night." I said carefully, picking at my food. "Remember? You canceled a meeting so that you could come with me." They were both silent, looking from the flyer to me. "We already paid for three passes." I added, although I knew that didn't matter to them. Honestly, they practically threw money away. But they seemed to get more and more of it every passing day.

"I think this is very important to Alice." Esme said slowly; hesitating a little bit. "Do you really need us to come with you?" I exhaled sharply, turning my attention back to my biology book.

"No. I'll go by myself. Or maybe Jasper would be interested…I could call him." Esme cleared her throat and looked at me. I knew that look.

"Don't you think Alice would want Jasper at the show?" Carlisle asked, shoving papers and folders into his briefcase. "I have to get to the hospital." He said, kissing Esme and walking out of the room.

"Honey, if you really want me to come-" Esme started to murmur; reaching for one of my hands. I jerked away and slammed my biology book shut.

"Just go to Alice's damn show." I grumbled. "I don't care."

"Edward, I'm sorry-" Esme called after me as I stalked out of the room and straight to the front door. "Where are you going?!"

"Out. I'll be back later tonight." I shouted, slamming the door as hard as I could after me.

**Ah! I am going to miss this story while I am away. But you know what? ……Reviews would make me so much happier! LOL. No. I'm serious. Okay, we have about three days and four hours left at this point, so I am a giant blur of last minute details right now. A little frazzled and a **_**lot**_** exhausted. I am going to go lock the deadbolt on my apartment and take a nap.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	7. Stay

**Out to dinner tonight with my fiancée's family. God, I love all of them. They're awesome. Especially Lily, who is one of my loyal readers! I love you Lil! **

EPOV, October 10, 2009:

I don't know what persuaded me to drive to Bella's house. But I was pulling into her driveway before I even thought about it.

"Oh. Edward." Renée opened the door, her face just as tired as it had been the other night. "Can I help you with something?"

"Is Bella home?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

"Yes. Come on in, I'll see if she's up to visitors today." Renée opened the door wider and I entered the house without hesitation. "Just a moment, dear." I sat down on the same couch as yesterday as Renée went upstairs, returning a second later. "Go on up." Renée smiled. I felt her eyes following me as I climbed the stairs, but I didn't care. She was obviously just curious about the only person that reached out to her only daughter, who was very clearly friendless.

I pushed the door open to see Bella sitting on her mattress, holding the biology notes I had given her.

"Hi." I said cheerfully, and her head shot up.

"Hi." She replied, blushing and dropping the biology notes. "I'm really sorry for what I said last night." She blurted out. "About everything in your life being perfect." I nodded and looked down at the floor.

"How do you feel?" I asked, awkwardly standing in the doorway. Bella smiled ruefully.

"Close the door and sit down." She whispered. "My mom will probably try and listen in." I obliged, gently pushing the door shut until it latched with a subtle _click_. I sat down next to her a little nervously, but she smiled and made me feel more relaxed.

Her eyes didn't have that dead look today, she just looked tired and a little sad. But when I sat down next to her, her smile reached all the way to her eyes.

"A little weird." She frowned, running her hands up and down her arms. "But…I'm really glad you're here." She added in a whisper, staring down at the floor.

"What are you doing Friday night?" I asked suddenly, on pure impulse. She slowly lifted her head and stared at me, confused. "I'm going on a tour of the University of Seattle." I explained. "And I already paid the fee for three people, so I thought maybe you would want to come.

"That sounds okay….I'll have to check with my mom though." Bella said thoughtfully, grinning now from ear to ear. "But why did you pay for three?" I stiffened noticeably and Bella gingerly laid a hand on my arm.

"Uh, my parents were going to come." I said gruffly. "But then they found out Alice was being featured in the school's art show, so they're going to that instead." Bella tightened her grip on my arm.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, her lips drawn. "But I'd be happy to go with you, but I don't think my mom can come. She has a class that night."

"A class?" I asked, interested.

"Yeah. She's taking night courses at the community college. In fact, she's probably gone now." Bella released my arm and stood up to peer out the window. I couldn't help but notice how great she looked in her faded jeans. "Yep. She's gone." Bella sat back down on the mattress, much closer to me. "We're on our own."

"Hmm..." I smiled and Bella flopped back on her bed absentmindedly tracing the _J_ tattoo on her collarbone. "Why don't you tell me about your tattoo?" She paused her movements, her finger freezing over the ink.

"My boyfriend." She murmured. "His name was James." She rolled over onto her stomach and laid her head on my lap. "I didn't really want it, but he wanted me to. So I did. I'm thinking about getting a cover up, but my mom doesn't think I should." Bella looked up at me, her eyes wide and innocent. My fingers were running through her hair on their own accord, but I didn't care. It felt right. "But I don't want it anymore. I don't want _him_ on me anymore." Her hand lightly touched the tattoo again and then found mine. "Will you stay?" She asked quietly, wrapping her arms around me.

"Yes." I answered without hesitation.

"What do you want to talk about?" She asked sleepily, and I slowly moved so that I was lying next to her warm body with my arm around her.

"Just sleep." I whispered. "I'll be here."

**I'm planning on a Edward/Bella getting to know each other chapter, but I have to go to dinner now, so I stopped it here. I WILL be updating tomorrow morning, so yay!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	8. Electricity

**I just got a twizzler stuck in my hair. It took over an hour to get out. I had to **_**eat**_** it out of my hair. Literally.**

EPOV, October 11, 2009:

It was two o'clock in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. I was stunned by this inexplicable, deep connection I felt with this girl in my arms. Bella slept with her head nuzzled against my chest; so that the top of her head was lined up with my lips. I couldn't help but kiss the top of her head, inhaling her freesia and strawberry scent.

Bella talked in her sleep, mostly nonsense words. But once, she said my name. And it made me smile. Then, around three o'clock, Bella stirred and sat up slightly.

"You stayed." She whispered, running her hand over my abdomen. I shivered when she touched my skin. There was a deep connection between us, and I wondered if she sensed it too.

"Of course I did." I said, sitting up.

"So, we never got to talk." Bella sighed, fully awake now.

"20 questions?" I suggested, smiling wryly and turning on Bella's bedside lamp.

"Deal." She giggled, her face glowing in the soft light that the lamp exuded. I looked into her eyes and could no longer see the sadness and fear that I typically saw there. "Birthday?"

"June 20. You?"

"September 13." She took my hand and looked up at me innocently. "Do you ever wish Carlisle and Esme weren't the ones to adopt you?"

"No." I said thoughtfully. "I love my parents, and they are the best parents I could ever imagine. When they remember that I exist too, not just Alice and Rose, they are extremely supportive….just the best people possible."

"When they remember." Bella echoed softly.

"Yes. When they remember." I smiled ruefully. "So do you prefer living with your mother? Or did you like living with your father more?" Bella froze.

"Pass." She whispered in a gravelly voice. She looked into my eyes and I was stunned. They were dead again, just like that.

"Sorry." I said immediately, groaning. "Different question…..hmm, what's your favorite gemstone?" Bella thought for a moment and then looked at me dead in the eye; a small smile flitting across her pink lips.

"Emerald." She said simply, running her thumb under my eye. "The color of your eyes." Neither of us spoke for awhile, and then I did something that was probably extremely stupid. I leaned forward and took her face in my hands; very slowly and gently. She looked taken aback at first, but then bit her lip and nodded, encouraging me. So I caressed her cheek and pressed my lips to hers without hesitation. Our lips moved together tenderly, and Bella placed her hands on my shoulders.

Suddenly, I felt something wet against my cheek and I pulled away. Bella was _crying_.

"What's wrong?" I asked frantically. "Should I not have-" Bella waved her hands and dried her tears with the hem of her faded shirt.

"No, that was perfect." She whispered. "I just-" She took a shaky breath and I pulled her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her trembling body. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I can't believe I ruined this."

"You didn't ruin this." I protested. "Nothing could ruin this." I kissed her again and she didn't cry this time, just smiled.

"Bella, honey, who are you talking to?" Renée called, knocking on the door. Bella and I shot apart, and Bella wordlessly shoved me into her closet. I heard her cross the room and open the door.

"I- I was, uh, talking to myself." Bella stammered, and I stifled a laugh. She was a terrible liar.

"Uh-huh." Renée seemed doubtful, but she didn't press the matter. "When did Edward leave?" She asked suspiciously.

Oh _shit_. I left my fucking car in the driveway!

"Because his car is outside." Renée continued, and I heard footsteps in Bella's room. Then her voice dropped. "Is he in here? Because I don't think-"

"Mom, it's not like that." Bella said quickly.

"Where is he?" Renée asked, her footsteps nearing the closet. Not wanting to be caught huddled on the floor of Bella's closet next to boxes of clothes and shoes; I sheepishly opened the door and stepped out of the closet.

"Hi." I mumbled, ducking my head.

"Edward, I think you should go." Renée said in a serious tone. "Your parents will probably be worried." I nodded and ducked my head to kiss Bella's cheek. Her eyes were, once again, sad.

"I'll see you, Bella." I murmured.

"Bye." She whispered back, blushing bright red.

I left the house and got in my car, grinning the whole way home and thinking about how soft Bella's lips were, and how the electricity between us had crackled when my lips met hers.

There was something there, something strong between us.

**I don't know if I can update again today. If so, I will miss you all and the story so much! But I will be back on the 22 of August.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	9. Normal

**I'm back! Well, kind of. I'm still in Europe, but Jensen and I are staying with my aunt and her family in Rome until September, and my lovely aunt is loaning me her laptop. Europe was so amazing, if you ever get the chance, you absolutely **_**have**_** to go. **

EPOV, October 13, 2009:

Bella had come to school yesterday and today; seeming completely normal. She didn't talk to anyone all day, but when we got to biology she seemed to be in a good mood.

"My mom said I could go to the college tour with you." She said awkwardly, toying with the charm bracelet on her delicate wrist.

"That's great, Bella. I'm glad you can come with me." I smiled, squeezing her hand in mine before dropping my hand on the table. Bella looked up at me, her doe eyes wide and innocent. She smiled shyly before timidly reaching for my hand and cupping hers over it. I instantly laced my fingers in hers, and Bella's smile grew wider as our hands dropped below the desk; clutched together as the rest of our classmates filled into the room.

We spent the entire class like that, barely paying attention to the teacher. I occasionally ran my thumb over Bella's knuckles, and she would shiver and smile up at me; her eyes positively alive. I was glad she finally seemed to be genuinely _happy_, not hazed in sadness. And I was especially glad that _I_ was the one that was making her happier.

"I'll pick you up around five on Friday….we can eat dinner, if you want." I offered a little bashfully as the bell rand and our hands separated. We were walking towards the door, and the rest of the class was in the hallway already.

Bella paused in the doorway, turning back to grin at me.

"I would like that." Bella murmured; her soulful eyes sparkling. She peered out into the parking lot and her shoulders sagged. "My ride is here." She explained, gesturing to the red truck at the far end of the parking lot.

"Bye, Bella." I whispered, pecking her smooth cheek. Her warm hand snaked around my cheek and she sighed, gently kissing me again.

"See you tomorrow." Her hand dropped back to her side and she turned to go, fumbling with her iPod as she went.

I touched a hand to my lips, unable to control my smile. I watched her walk out into the parking lot, her head down and her bag swinging at her side.

"Are we going, or are you going to stand there all day?" Rosalie was standing next to me, and Emmet loomed next to her. I flinched at the sight of his hand in her back pocket.

"We're going." I grumbled, walking to my car as Alice fell in to step along with us.

"Hi!" She chirped, adjusting the strap of her shirt. "Edward, Jasper and I are staying after school to finish up our art pieces. Tell mom I'll be home for dinner." And with that, she turned on her heel and marched off to the art room, where Jasper was undoubtedly waiting for her.

The car ride home was awkward with my little sister and my best friend kissing and laughing in the backseat.

It really did bother me, knowing what they did together. As strained as the relationship between Rose and I was, she was still my baby sister. And knowing that Emmet was…._screwing_ her made me uncomfortable. Rosalie had a tendency to go after my friends as fuck buddies. It was sick, really. It was now too awkward with quite a few of my friends now that I knew my sister had been with them, and then dumped them when she got bored. She was sixteen years old, for god's sake. I was sure Carlisle and Esme had absolutely no idea what Rosalie and her 'guy friends' got up to, because they weren't the type of parents that would be okay with something like that. I, however, also noticed that Rosalie has been with Emmet for a little over three months. This was longer than any of her other flings, and she seemed a little different around him. She still had that tell-tale touch of bitchiness, but more lively and animated. I guess Emmet really is a good influence on her usual sarcastic and self-centered personality.

With Alice, I was lucky. Alice was so bright and optimistic; she shared nearly everything with me. I couldn't bring myself to resent her, no matter how much more attention my parents paid to her and Rosalie. She and Jasper had an actual, committed relationship. I could only hope that Jasper felt as strongly about her as she did him, because otherwise Alice would be shattered.

And I couldn't handle any other broken, shattered women. Seeing Bella in so much pain was unbearable; but my baby sister? I knew I couldn't bear the pain of both of the women I cared about.

**More Edward explanations….I need some suggestions for the Edward/Bella trip. I have a basic idea of what will happen, but not the specifics.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	10. Torture

**Ah! I've been soooo busy! But here's an update. Its' kind of short, but I've been working on my newer story more than this one. P.S. I am starting the outtakes of "Without You" and they will be called "When I had You".**

**-----**

BPOV, May 2009:

He thought I was asleep.

"Renée, I don't know if I can handle her anymore….I don't know what in god's name I should do with her." Charlie snapped, pacing the living room.

I had cursed the thin walls of our house many times, and tonight as no different. I couldn't help how I was acting. Nobody could see that I was still healing; that I was still terrified. All those things James and said and done to me are tearing into my mind and slowly picking me apart.

My friends didn't talk to me anymore. I didn't eat very often and barely left the house. School was mandatory, but it was a struggle to drag myself out of bed every single day.

I was hurting, and nobody understood.

I didn't want to walk to a therapist; I wanted to take to somebody who listened because they _wanted to_, not because it was their job. And Charlie certainly wasn't a shoulder to cry on. Each and every day I felt more and more alone. Charlie had taken extra shifts- probably to avoid me, and fished a lot more. He tried to persuade me to go hang out with my old friends, but they didn't understand either. They all wanted to know about what had happened with James, and grilled me constantly for answers. I kept ignoring their phone calls, texts, and attempts to talk….and then they stopped coming.

Reading and music used to be an outlet for me; and I tried to immerse myself in music and literature. But some days, I just couldn't bring myself to pick up a book or turn on my iPod.

"If she doesn't get better by September, I'm sending her to Forks to live with you. Maybe she needs her mother." Charlie hissed into the phone.

Yeah right. Charlie just didn't want to deal with me. He didn't know _how_ to deal with me. He couldn't relate, and he was too afraid of emotional displays to attempt to talk to me.

In June, I started having panic attacks. They were brought on by the smallest things; being startled by the simplest of things, a man touching my arm, hearing music that reminded me of that what James had done to me, to my body, that night. It was torture, not knowing the next time I would snap. Some days I could tell something was coming, but others I was taken completely off guard and by surprise.

This was pure hell.

Living in unnecessary fear. James was gone, locked up. He was never going to hurt, touch, or even come near me again. So why did I keep torturing myself like this?

Because deep down, I knew that James would eventually come to find me again. And this time, he would stop for nothing.

**A/N: Don't hate me for the short chapter! This was just a look into Bella's mind before she met Edward. Please review, and I will produce a much longer, much more interesting chapter tomorrow.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	11. Relationship

**August 28, 2009 Word of the Day: ****transcendentalism**

**I'm trying to make this a long chapter, but I have been stumbling over the Edward/Bella dinner. I wrote several drafts of it, but they all came out badly. So I skipped that part of the evening. But if I ever do outtakes, that will be one of them.**

**-----**

EPOV, October 16, 2009:

Having fun with Bella was effortless. We had talked, joked, and laughed throughout dinner, and there was no tension between us. Bella and I had held hands the entire car ride, and the electricity continued to crackle between us.

"The campus is beautiful." Bella commented as we drove through the gates. She was eagerly peering out her window. "Are we, uh, staying in a dorm?" I clenched my hand tighter around hers.

"No, but we won't get back home until really late. Probably sometime around two in the morning." I answered. Bella's lips pursed and she smiled devilishly.

"You know, we _could_ just get a hotel room." She said coyly, making me laugh.

"How would your mother feel about that?" I teased, tightening my one-handed grip on the steering wheel.

"She would never know. And we wouldn't have to _do_ anything." Bella said shyly, her face reddening. "Besides, you've slept in my room before." She pointed out. I thought for a moment. Did I trust myself to spend an entire night alone with Bella in a hotel room?

"Fine." I laughed. "We can get a hotel room, but only if you promise to behave." Bella laughed too, a melodic sound I hadn't heard much before tonight.

"I _always_ behave." Bella insisted as I pulled my car over to the curb. Uncoordinated as always, Bella was still struggling to unfasten her seatbelt in the time it took me to get out of the car and open her door for her. "Thanks." She muttered as I offered her my hand and helped her out of the car. "Wow." Bella sighed and tilted her head up to look around the campus. "I can't believe that this time next fall, we'll be in college. It's unreal."

"I know." I grinned. "Are you excited for it?" I asked as we walked, hand in hand, around the campus. Bella was silent for a minute, and then nodded hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'm excited. But….I am kind of worried about meeting new people." She admitted. "It's been hard for me, starting my senior year at a new school."

"I can imagine." I murmured. "Have you thought about where you want to go?" Bella shrugged.

"Not really. I can't even decide what I want to do yet." She sighed, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Our tour starts in ten minutes." I said quickly, checking my watch. "We should get over there."

-----

BPOV, October 16, 2009:

I had never thought about taking college tours. I knew that I should eventually, and I hadn't realized how close graduation was. Seven months. Seven months before I would be packing up again and leaving Forks for the next step of my life. A step, I hoped in which I could begin to get over what had happened to me in March.

"Did you like the tour?" Edward called from the sink, where he was getting a glass of water. I sank down onto one of the two queen beds and smiled expectantly.

"Yes, it was great. Thank you so much for inviting me along." I said honestly. Edward turned around to face me, smiling broadly.

"I'm glad. Now….are you hungry?" He asked, reaching for the room service menu on top of the TV.

"Famished." I admitted, flopping back on the bed. Edward moved to sit beside me and held the menu out so that the both of us could look at it. "Mmm…ice cream sounds delicious."

"Ice cream it is." Edward said firmly, snapping the menu shut and ordering room service over the phone. I had no idea how I had gotten so lucky.

Here I was, with an amazing guy who actually seemed to care about me.

"Ten minutes." Edward said quietly to me, hanging up the phone. He slowly sat on the bed next to me and pulled his legs up so that he was sitting Indian-style. "We never finished our game of 20 questions." He said wryly, grinning.

"I guess not." I agreed, recalling how that fantastic kiss had, indeed, paused the game. "Okay. Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Um….birthday cake." Edward decided. "Yours?"

"Vanilla. What-"

"Whoa, whoa." Edward interrupted me, holding his hands up in the air. "Vanilla? _Seriously_?!"

"What? It's good!" I retorted.

"You're boring." He scoffed teasingly.

"Well, you're interrupting the game."

"Fine. Continue with your question."

"What kind of toothpaste do you use?" I asked, stretching and sprawling out on my stomach.

"What kind of question is that?" Edward laughed, lying on his stomach next to me.

"The kind you have to answer." I poked his arm.

"Colgate." He smiled, flashing his white teeth. "What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"Herbal Essences. Strawberry is the-"

And he leaned over to kiss me.

Instantly, my hands went to his hair, yanking gently at the roots. His hands circled my waist and held me tightly against his muscular body, his tongue slid softly over my bottom lip. I eagerly obliged, and Edward softly massaged my tongue with his own, never picking up speed in the gentle, tender kiss. Edward was an amazing kisser, not to controlling or demanding. Soft, gentle, and amazingly satisfying, And he tasted _amazing._ I eventually had to pull away to regain my breath. My chest heaved as I attempted to suck in a fresh breath, and I was basking in the feeling of Edward's confident hands; still resting on my hips. His thumbs tenderly massaged the area were my hip bones jutted out softly.

"Are you okay with this?" He asked quietly, one of his hands leaving my hips to gesture between us.

"Yes." I said breathlessly, licking my lips. Edward smiled softly. "I've sort of been waiting for this since the other night. Edward, I really like you." I admitted, twisting my hands. "A lot."

"Bella, I-"

Someone knocked on the door, and I jumped.

"Room service." Edward said quietly, slipping off the bed and opening the door. His voice was muffled, but he returned seconds later with a bowl of vanilla ice cream. With two spoons.

"I like you a lot too, Bella." He grinned and offered me one of the spoons. "And I was wondering…." He leaned in close to me and resisted the urge to jump on him. "If you would want to continue this….whatever you would call it."

"Relationship?" I asked quietly; hopefully. Edward raised his eyebrows sheepishly and nodded.

"Yes. Is that was what I was thinking." Edward muttered.

"I would be _very_, very interested in that." I said quickly.

"Good." He whispered, kissing my jaw and then my nose. "I am too."

-----

**I'm coming home soon (September 1), so I will be able to write more. Next chapter, which I have already started formulating, has a sad edge to it, so I'm warning you now.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	12. Don't

**August 29, 2009 Word of the Day: juxtapose**

**I would like to bring up a very good question a recent reviewer asked. **

'**A point to consider though-- would Bella have really let Edward in so fast when if someone else touches her it triggers a panic attack?'**

**Man, that is a really good question. Here is my reply:**

**When Bella had her panic attack and all the times she was spooked by a man's touch, she was in a depressed state. Please recall, that in the preface, Bella tells Edward she is bipolar. During these 'episodes', Bella was basically hovering between a manic state and depression.**

**  
Again, that was great question. So if any of you had that same question, there you go!**

**-----**

EPOV, October 19, 2009:

I hadn't seen Bella since Saturday morning, when I had dropped her off at her house. She hadn't answered her phone yesterday, but I told myself she was probably busy with homework or was out with Renée. But when I walked into Biology, I knew something in her had changed from Saturday morning to now.

I observed her as I slowly walked to the far corner where we sat. Bella had her arms wrapped tightly around her chest, and she was concentrating on the floor with all her might.

"Hi." I said cautiously when I reached the table. She tilted her chin as a response and I leaned over to brush a kiss on her cheek. Bella immediately flinched away; her cheeks flushing.

"Don't." She muttered, and I sank into my seat. A little hurt, I sat back and studied for a moment. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she was wearing jeans a tee shirt. Nothing unusual there. I did, however, notice that she was wearing two different patterned socks. "Please, stop doing that." Bella said a truly _dead_ tone, her eyes still fixated towards the floor.

"Doing what?" I asked, truly curious and a little irritated.

"Looking at me. I…I don't want you to." She managed, biting her lip.

_What the hell?_

We had just spent an entire 12 hours together, kissing, laughing, holding hands, and now I wasn't even allowed to look at her?

So I didn't. I stared straight ahead and paid attention in class. I did not look at Bella once.

But I was painfully aware of every movement and sound she made. I heard her shift in her chair countless times, restlessly moving her notebook around, and tapping her pencil against her knee. It was unnerving; being able to hear what she was doing but not being able to actually see her.

After 40 more minutes of torture, the bell finally rang and I turned to Bella. The corners of her mouth her turned down and she was very distant.

"Are you alright?" I asked tentatively, gathering her books up for her. Bella squeezed her eyes shut and yanked her books away from me, clutching them tightly to her chest.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said shortly, her tone flat. "And sorry, I can't do anything tonight."

"Why not?" I should have left her alone. I shouldn't have pushed her.

"Because I have a fucking therapy session to go to, Edward! I have to go sit in a badly decorated room for an hour and listen to a total stranger analyze these past couple of months for me. I know what fucking happened to me, I don't need someone to tell me I'm acting differently because of it. And I don't need you poking around my damn business!" Bella shoved me aside and stormed out the door, not looking back. I stood in the doorway, stunned, until Alice hesitantly walked up to me.

"What happened to _you_?" She asked, taking in my dejected form and forlorn expression.

"I'm not exactly sure." I admitted, looking out into the parking lot just in time to see the red truck pull out onto the main road. "We can go." I finally said grudgingly, tucking my notes under my arm. "Where's Rosalie?"

"With Emmet." Alice said, walking quickly to keep up with my long strides. "Seriously, Edward. What's up your ass?"

"I honestly have no effing idea." I muttered, unlocking my car and popping the trunk so Alice could put her matted **(A/N: As in a cardboard frame around the piece)**__artwork in the trunk, where it could lay flat. "So how was the art show?" I asked sociably, putting the key in the ignition and easing out of my parking space.

"Great. I won ribbons for all my pieces." Alice said happily. "And Jasper won a lot of ribbons too." She peered up at me through her jagged bangs, her eyebrows raised. "You know, Bella had a piece in the art show."

"What?!" I asked, surprised. I had never heard Bella say _anything _about art.

"Yeah, it's in the trunk with my stuff. She didn't pick it up today, so I just figured I'd take it with mine and you could bring it to her." Alice reasoned. "It was really good, Mr. Davis couldn't believe she didn't show up to the show. The piece won second in watercolors." Alice fell silent for a moment, her expression thoughtful. And then, her bright smile was back on her face. "Ask who won _first_ in watercolors." I rolled my eyes playfully, knowing my little sister was just excited.

"Hmm….would it be Alice Cullen, by any chance?" I played along.

"How did you guess!?" She chirped cheerfully.

"You know, I've heard she's amazingly talented." I added. Alice's eyes light up and she smiled even wider.

"Thank you, Edward." She murmured. "It means a lot to me."

"You really are talented, little sister. Don't ever forget that."

**----**

**A/N: Ew…I have to pack now. Anyway, please review and I hope you are enjoying the story.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	13. Shit

**September 3, 2009 Word of the Day: sugar lips**

**Ooh, haven't updated in quite some time. But I've been working on my other story, "What I'd Do For You". That's right, I'm shamelessly advertising. Personally, I love that story, so if you have time, do me a favor and check that one out. I would appreciate it. **

**-----**

BPOV, October 19, 2009:

I hadn't wanted him to see me like this again. I saw how much it troubled him, and I didn't want to hurt him anymore. The logical thing to do would be to cut all ties with Edward so that he could have a normal life free of the depressed girl from Phoenix. But I couldn't do that. It was selfish, and it was probably wrong, but I was trying to hold onto Edward while simultaneously trying to show him that I didn't deserve him.

Renée was suddenly at my side, holding a familiar matted piece of artwork.

"Were you going to show me this?" She asked quietly, running her finger over the lines of the watercolor painting.

"I don't know." I said honestly, taking it from her and shoving it on the floor of my closet. The painting was an extreme close up of an emerald green eye, the pupil showing a very subtle reflection of a girls face. I was ashamed of it now. "Where did you even get this?" I asked harshly, turning away from my closet to face her.

"Edward brought it by. He's downstairs."

"I don't want to talk to him. In fact, I have to go to my session now." I said shortly, grabbing a hooded sweatshirt from the floor of my bedroom and yanking it over my head.

"Bella, did something happen over the weekend?" Renée asked, her eyes a little said.

"No." I snapped. But something _had_ happened. I just didn't know what. Something was different; something deep inside _me_. "I'll be home after my session." I said, stalking out into the hallway and slamming the door to my bedroom shut, leaving Renée alone in there.

I stomped down the stairs, pulling my hair out of its sloppy ponytail and fluffing my rumpled curls. Edward was, indeed, waiting in the living room.

"I told you I couldn't do anything tonight." I said harshly, breezing past him to the front door. He stood and followed behind me.

"Bella, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?" He asked desperately, trailing behind me as I unlocked the door to Renée's red truck and buckling in.

"Edward, you shouldn't hang around me." I said angrily through the open car window. "I'm a fucking _mess_. It's better if you leave me alone and just live your life." With that, I rolled my window up and pulled out of the driveway, not once looking back.

My dad had told my mom not to let me drive by myself, but Renée was a bit of a pushover. I could do whatever I wanted. I did not follow orders, I did _not_ belong to anyone. Not Charlie, not Renée, not James-

James. _That_ was who I was running from, not Edward. In my mind, I was pushing _James_ away, not Edward. But Edward was nothing like James, how could my heart and mind confuse the two? Edward was attentive and sweet and loving, while James was….terrible and frightening and downright hurtful. In more ways than one.

I should have been paying attention to the road, but I wasn't. I heard a loud _thud _and suddenly my car was stopped in the middle of an empty, deserted country road. I groaned, got out of my truck, and saw that I had a flat tire. I reached for my cell phone, only to remember I had left it in my room.

_Shit._

I looked around desperately, praying for a nearby house or approaching car. Nothing. No lights, nothing. It would be dark soon. I looked up desperately at the sky, willing a miracle to happen.

_Shit, shit, shit!_

Taking shaky breaths, I examined my tire again and knew that I would only make it two or three miles before it gave out for good. And of course, Renée didn't have a spare.

Shit.

**A/N: Work early in the morning. Five in the morning, to be exact. So night night. Please review. I will probably update tomorrow.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	14. Worthy

**September 8, 2009 Word of the Day: happymeal **

**Ooh, haven't updated in quite some time. But I've been working on my other story, "What I'd Do For You". That's right, I'm shamelessly advertising. Personally, I love that story, so if you have time, do me a favor and check that one out. I would appreciate it. **

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EPOV, October 19, 2009:

I angrily left Bella's house, furious at both her and myself. I had no idea what was happening, and I wasn't about to push Bella on anything. If I had learned anything, it was that Bella did not like to be pushed. It only made her upset. And I did not want to be the one making her upset; because I was falling in love with her.

I don't know how, but it was true. Bella was like a drug to me, even though she thought she wasn't good enough. She didn't realize that in all reality, she was perfect to me.

I got in my car only to see that someone had tried to call me and left a message. I listened to the message and couldn't believe that my day was going to get even shittier.

If I can just get this crap over with, I can go home and leave all my problems behind.

BPOV

Shit. I'm going to die here.

Sitting in the front seat of my truck, I repeatedly slammed my head into my steering wheel.

I deserved this.

I was a terrible person. I had led on the most gorgeous, sweet, and loving man and then rejected him. I shouldn't even have spoken to him that day in biology, I shouldn't have gone with him to the University of Chicago, and I shouldn't have let my guard down around him. He could hurt me, just like James had.

A light suddenly caught my eye, and I squinted.

Sure enough, a car was approaching.

_Oh thank god. Thank you, Jesus Christ almighty! I'm not going to die!_

I got out of my truck gingerly and saw the person in the passenger seat of the shiny yellow car that pulled up next to my truck.

Edward. Shit.

I was mortified. I had just told Edward to leave me alone, and now he saw me standing outside in the dark, stranded thanks to my crappy ass car. And then I caught a glimpse of the driver.

She was getting out of the car, and it looked like she was in slow motion. Her long reddish blonde hair swung gracefully past her shoulder blades and framed her model-worthy face. She had a perfectly curvy figure, and she was practically bursting out of her extremely low cut silver dress.

I felt like I had been slapped in the face.

Edward was getting out of the car now too, his face expressionless.

"Do you need some help?" The woman asked sweetly, her voice like honey.

"I have a flat." I said lamely, pointing to my back tire.

"That's a little obvious." Edward said flatly, crossing his arms across his chest. "Do you want to use my phone?" He sounded pissed off. Where the hell did he get off being pissed? He's the one that is driving through the country after dark with a beautiful, slutty looking woman.

"Yes." I finally snapped, holding out my hand. But the woman stopped me.

"Hon, we can just take you home. Do you live around here?"

"Yeah. She lives on the outskirts of Forks." Edward muttered before getting back in the passenger's seat. The woman smiled and opened the back door for me.

"I'll take you home, and then you can call someone to come tow your car. You shouldn't wait out here at night, it's dangerous." Shrugging, I slid into the backseat and stared down at my feet.

The woman got back in the car and started to drive away.

"So, Eddie, I'm guessing you know this girl?" She giggled, touching his arm. It made my blood boil, and I had no idea why. Edward didn't belong to me, he wasn't mine. I didn't deserve him, and yet I was jealous? And where the hell did this bitch get off calling him _Eddie_?

The emotions were just swirling around my head, and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. I was angry. I was sad. I was rejected. I was an idiot. I was not worthy of Edward.

I was faintly aware of someone screaming, and it took me a while to realize that _I _was the one screaming. I was thrashing around and swinging wildly at the person trying to hold me down. All I could think of, all I could see, all I could _hear_, was James. I wasn't in control of my body anymore, I wasn't in control of my mind.

I was spiraling down, but I couldn't see where I was going.

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**Short chapter, but hubby and I are having a movie marathon. Office Space is next!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	15. Alone

**Again, it has been awhile since I've updated. But I've really been working on my other stories…sorry about that. But I finished 'What I'd Do For You' and the sequel, 'Second Chances' has its first two chapters posted.**

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BPOV, October 20, 2009:

My head was unbelievably sore, and I had never felt so groggy. My eyelids fluttered a little, but the light was so bright it hurt.

"She's awake." A soft voice I recognized as my mother's said, close to my ear.

"Please, Renée, can I talk to her? Alone?" This voice was one I could never mistake. Edward.

"Make it fast." Renée said, and I felt a warm hand on my mine, and I flinched away.

"Bella, please, look at me." He whispered, caressing my cheek with a tenderness I knew I didn't deserve. So I remained silent, squeezing my eyes shut tighter in an attempt to stop the tears gathering there. "Please." He said again, his voice strangled and hoarse. "I need to know that you're alright. That _we're_ alright."

"Turn the light off." I finally whispered, and I heard the click of the lamp. So I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with Edward. He looked so distraught, and it was because of me. Because I wasn't able to control myself, and ultimately because he was foolishly associated himself with me. "I'm sorry." I mumbled, unsure of what else I could say. Then I remembered why I had been so angry with him. "Who the fuck was she?" I asked loudly, sitting up quickly.

Edward looked so taken aback, I felt a little guilty.

"What?"

"The girl. The blonde who was busting out of her top." I snarled. "Who was she?"

"Tanya? Dear god Bella, she's my _cousin_! I drove home right after you stormed out of here, and she was at my house when I got there. She wanted me to go to some party with her, and even though I felt like shit, I decided to go with her. And _you_ are lucky as hell I told her to take the back road." He explained. But he looked angry now, instead of concerned. "And where do you get off being so pissed at me? I didn't do anything! I'm falling in love with you, Bella, and you suddenly treat me like…like you don't even like me anymore. What happened? What changed?" I took a deep breath and touched his cheek, not bothering to stop the tears trickling down my face.

"I don't know Edward. I just felt so shitty, and so worthless." I whispered.

"And in the car last night...what happened? You scared the life out of me." Edward said quietly, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears.

"I just…just had so many emotions swirling around. I lost it. And I couldn't stop thinking about _him_, and what he did to me." I cried, throwing my arms around his neck.

Edward was quiet, rubbing my back gently.

"Bella?" He asked, his breath warm and sweet in my ear.

"Yeah?" I asked, sniffling.

"What did happen? What did that repulsive guy do to you?" Edward murmured, pulling back a little so I was looking him in the eye.

And the vulnerability, tenderness, and guilt in his eyes made me want to tell him everything; all the things I had been keeping inside for all these torturous months.

EPOV

I needed to know. I had to know what had hurt her so badly if I wanted to try and help her through it.

"Fine. On one condition though." Bella said, her tearful eyes locked on mine. "You…" she took a shaky breath, and more tears fell down her cheeks. "You have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. And that after hearing this, you won't hate me."

"Never." I promised, sitting on the bed next to her and wrapping both my arms around her shaking body.

"Alright." She sighed, resting her head against my chest. "James, that's _his_ name, started out of this truly amazing boyfriend. He was perfect. And then, he started to get jealous. I wasn't allowed to talk to any of my guy friends anymore, and when I did…he'd get so mad. He'd yell at me and call me these _awful_ things. And he said them so often, I started to believe them. I began to think of myself as all those things…a bitch, a slut, an idiot-"

"Just so you know, you are certainly none of those." Edward said softly, and I shook my head.

"It got worse." I mumbled. "He started hitting me. And then…and then he started…" I rasped in a breath, trying to control myself.

"It's alright, Bella. I'm _never_ going to hurt you." Edward said quietly.

"But he did. He hurt me Edward…he did all those terrible things and I thought that I _deserved_ them. He raped me." I said, my heart already feeling lighter by just getting those three words off my chest. Edward's arms tightened around me, and I let myself sob into his arm. "I felt so alone." I whispered as he stroked my hair and kissed at my forehead.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm always going to be here for you, if you want me."

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**Gotta get back to my work party. My feet hurt in these stilettos…**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	16. Rosalie

**I just got back from a concert and I am super exhausted, but I'm going to get this chapter out!**

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EPOV (Right from where we left off):

I was extremely quiet, keeping my arms wrapped around Bella as her heavy flow of tears eventually stopped and she felt finally fell into a seemingly uneventful state of sleep while I held her in my arms.

She had been put through so much unnecessary pain; none of which she even _remotely_ deserved. The idea that her own boyfriend would put her down and hurt her so badly was just unbelievable to me. I couldn't wrap my mind over how much he must have done to Bella that she wouldn't, or even _couldn't_ share with me. Obviously, her scars ran very deep and the events of last year were hard to think about, let alone talk about. But the one thing I didn't understand most was this: Who could this beautiful, sweet, funny girl and want to ruin all of that? What kind of monster could make himself do all those things to someone like Bella? Someone who had never done anything to deserve that kind of hate and pain?

But I was determined to show her just how special she was. I wanted her to know that she was beautiful, and that she meant the world to me. I could only hope that she would believe me and stop trying to shut me out of her life in moments of insecurity and hatred towards her own self.

By now, I had come to the conclusion that Bella was seriously depressed; that was fairly easy to see. But she wasn't always like this. She could be happy for a week, then spiral down into depression faster than I could blink. It came without warning, and when it did happen, it was bad.

I knew what antidepressants could do. They could make a person numb; take away all feelings of love and joy and hilarity in the process of taking away a person's depression. They could even spiral you _further _into depression, instead of saving you from it. Antidepressants could screw up your mind so badly, you might just become suicidal. They were dangerous, and even if they did help instead of make things worse, what was the risk? I had so much to lose in Bella.

My phone chimed quietly as I sat there, absorbed in my own thoughts. I picked up quickly, praying the nose would not wake Bella from her peaceful sleep.

"Hello?" I asked quietly, running my left hand through Bella's slightly tangled and matted hair while holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Edward, I need you to come home right now." It was Rosalie, and she sounded on the verge of tears.

"Rose? What's wrong?" I asked, trying to keep my voice down even though her tone and the urgency of her voice were scaring me.

"I just need you. Please, come home." She begged, and I glanced down at Bella, still fast asleep.

"Please, just tell me what's wrong?" I managed to keep my voice relatively calm, while Rosalie was practically hyperventilating into the phone.

"It's Emmet." She managed, crying now. "Edward, I need you! Please!" She said again, completely breaking down in tears. I shifted Bella in my arms and got a better grip on my phone.

"What the hell did Emmet do?" I asked angrily. He had better not of hurt my little sister. No matter how turbulent my relationship with Rosalie was, I still saw her as my baby sister that needed me to protect her. She rarely needed help with _anything_ and it was rarer still she was looking to me.

"I'll tell you later. Just please come home. I'm in your room." Rosalie sniffled.

"Alright, Rose. I'll be home in less than ten minutes." I promised before hanging up the phone and easing Bella out of my arms. I tucked her under the covers and kissed her forehead, praying she would be able to sleep well. These past few days, especially last night and this morning, have been extremely hard on her already fragile self.

I located a notebook on the cluttered floor of her room and hurriedly opened it to a blank page, grabbing a pencil from her nightstand to write her a quick note.

_Bella,_

_Rosalie had an emergency and I had to be with her. I promise to fill you in later, though. Please try and get some sleep. I'll be back over later today, and you can call me if you want to._

_Edward_

Leaving the note of her nightstand and securing it with the mechanical pencil, I kissed Bella's forehead one last time and left the room, giving Renée a halfhearted wave on my way out of the house and to my car.

I sped the whole way home, desperately curious over what had happened between Rosalie and Emmet. And if though Emmet was one of my best friends, I didn't know how I would take it if he had really hurt Rose.

BY the time I had reached the house, Rosalie had called my phone twice. I hadn't answered, and I knew she was probably freaking out. I pulled up into the driveway and ran through the house, ignoring Esme when she called after me,

"Edward Cullen, you stop right there! _Where in God's name have you been_!?"

I went straight to my room and swung the door open, only to find Rosalie curled up on top of my bed, mascara smudged under her blue eyes and running down her cheeks. Both her nose and eyes were red, and she was curled into what could only be described as the fetal position. I quickly sat down next to her, giving her the warmest hug I could handle in the position she was currently in.

"Rose, what's wrong?" I asked, rubbing her back. "What did he do?"

Rosalie took a shaky breath, sitting up and hugging me fiercely.

"He told me that-"

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**Cliffhanger! Sorry about that…**

**First of all, I want to thank all of those that read the Spanish translation for reviewing this version. I was extremely happy to see that the Spanish version has gotten over 200 reviews. But let's not forget, this version needs reviews too!**

**The updates for this chapter will be coming about a week apart. Now that I'm working five days a week, it is just too stressful to try and update so often.**

**But if you stay just as wonderfully patient, I will always be here to update, until the story ends (but that is many chapter away, don't worry!)**

**I also want to thank for doing the translation, and for reading basically all of my 21 stories and leaving such great reviews. I really appreciate the input.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	17. Esme

**Here we go, the cliffhanger will be revealed!**

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EPOV

"He told me that he loves me." Rosalie cried, burying her face into my chest and literally sobbing, her tears running down her pretty face and onto the fabric of my shirt, which was already stained with Bella's tears from earlier this morning.

"Rose, what's wrong with that?" I asked, smoothing her blonde hair. "That's great."

"No, no it's not!" she wailed, smacking me lightly across my chest. "I'm not ready to hear things like that, he was just supposed to be a friend with benefits, and now he gets me pregnant and says that he loves me, out of _nowhere_-"

"Wait." I said sharply, taking Rosalie's chin and forcing her to look at me through the tears still pooling in her eyes and streaming down her face. "He got you _what_?" I said angrily.

"I haven't been feeling right for awhile now, and I'm a week late." Rosalie explained, and my mouth dropped open in shock. It took me a moment to fully comprehend what was being said and for me to start thinking clearing.

"Rosalie, a lot of things could cause that." I said carefully, handing her a handful of tissues. "Stress, for one. And have you taken a pregnancy test?"

Rosalie shook her head, mopping up the tears on her face with the tissues.

"I just kind of freaked out." She admitted, still sniffling. "And when I went to tell Emmet, he just-"

"What did that idiot say?" I asked angrily.

"He said that he loved me before I could even tell him." Rosalie said, her tone biting. "But he must hate me now; I rushed out of there without another word and just left him there with no explanation..." I scoffed and shook my head, brushing Rosalie's matted hair out of her eyes.

"Rosalie, love doesn't go away like that." I said quietly. "It stays with you for a long time." Rosalie studied me for a moment, the red in her eyes and nose already fading.

"Do you love Bella?" She asked, leaning against my shoulder.

I was surprised. Not about the question, but the affection Rosalie was displaying. She was normally so closed off to everyone.

"I don't know, Rosalie." I lied, closing my eyes. "But listen, you need to take a pregnancy test." I said firmly, squeezing her side. "And then if it's positive, know that I'm here for you. But first, please go talk things out with Emmet. I guarantee you he's freaking out right now." Rosalie nodded, then her face fell.

"But what should I say?" She asked desperately. "He told me he loves me, what it god's name can I tell him back?" Rosalie murmured thoughtfully, obviously torn.

"How _do_ you feel about Emmet?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know." Rosalie whispered, playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "He's amazing, and so great…but I'm not sure I love him. I can see myself loving him in the future, but right now, I honestly have no idea what I am feeling for him. It's so complicated." She groused.

"You need to talk to him." I said incessantly. "He's a good guy, and I'm sure the two of you could be great together as a real couple. The way you act with him…it's different than the way you have acted with your previous...conquests." Rosalie chuckled a little then was silent again, a serious expression on her beautiful features.

"You're right." She said. "I'll go talk to him right now." Rosalie said, giving me one more hug before standing, a little unsteadily, and heading out of my room.

"Alright." I sighed.

"Oh, and Edward?" Rosalie turned around, wiping the mascara and other makeup from under her eyes. "Thank you so much. I...I didn't know who else to talk to about this. Alice…she wouldn't understand at all. She would judge. Mom and Dad would freak…but I'm glad I told you. And no matter how I've treated you, I still love you. You're a great big brother." She murmured, her eyes tearing up again. I got up and walked to her side, hugging my baby sister yet again.

"I'm glad you talked to me, Rosie. And despite how I act towards _you_, I love you too." I kissed her forehead and released her. She took a deep breath and turned away, walking down the hallway and downstairs.

Rubbing my forehead, I eventually went downstairs as well, planning to call up Bella and apologize again for leaving while she was asleep. But as I crossed the living room, Esme came out of nowhere and grabbed my arm.

Surprised, I froze and turned around to face my mother. She looked livid; her eyes blue eyes were icy and she looked more disheveled than I had ever seen her. Her hair was in a ratty ponytail and she was wearing an old tee shirt of Carlisle's and a pair of sweatpants.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, here the hell were you last night?" She asked angrily, gripping my arm even tighter. "Tanya came by here saying that your 'brunette friend' had some kind of meltdown and you went home with her."

"Look, mom, Bella-"

"She's not good for you, Edward. She's unstable, and you're wearing yourself down trying to keep her sane." Esme ranted. "It's not good for you- this is your senior year and you _should_ be focusing on school, not this depressed, probably suicidal girl."

"Bella is _not_ unstable, insane, or fucking suicidal." I spat, not caring that I had just said _fuck_ in front of my mother. Esme pulled herself up to her full height, fuming.

"Don't talk to me like that, young man!" She said, dropping my arm. "I'm trying to do what's best for you. I want you to be happy!"

"You don't know what's best for me!" I exclaimed. "And as for what I want…I want _her_. I love her!"

Esme's jaw dropped and her eyes grew wide.

"I…I- what…" She said, unable to form a coherent sentence. "You _what_?" She finally asked in a whisper.

"I love her."

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**Please review! I might, I repeat MIGHT be updating on Tuesday. But I am still not sure.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	18. Scream

**I almost didn't get to update today, because my husband and I are visiting his family in Michigan, and they don't have wi-fi and happen to live in the middle of nowhere. We're driving there now, and have no wireless on the highway. But luckily, my hubby is amazing and drove me out of the way, into a town, so that I could sit in the parking lot of Days Inn and steal their free wi-fi. **

**  
So this chapter is dedicated to him. I love you, baby! Thank him for allowing this chapter to be posted so early!**

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BPOV, October 21, 2009:

I opened my eyes, and immediately knew something was off. Something was wrong, but I couldn't place it. I just felt extremely…odd. I was surprised Edward hadn't stayed…maybe after I had told him everything; he decided that I was too messed up and he didn't want me anymore. But no, that couldn't possibly be true…he had promised, and was the most honest, trustworthy person I have ever met.

Despite the amount of time we've been in this confusing, stressful,yet _wonderful _relationship, I could honestly say that I actually loved him. I loved Edward Cullen. Although I had no idea how to tell him that. He was so beautiful and romantic and perfect, the moment in which I admitted my true feelings to him had to be the same. But what if Edward didn't feel the same way? What if I confessed my feelings and he threw them back in my face?

After everything that's happened in the last couple of months, I don't know if I would be able to handle that kind of rejection from Edward. So I would have to wait until I was sure he felt the same way.

For some reason, I was unsure if our relationship could get that far. I knew Edward would be able to accept my past and focus on who I really was, but could I? Could I let go of all this hostility and anger and sadness I had been carrying around hopelessly with me since March? I hoped so. And I would try everything I could to get back to my normal self; the Bella that I used to be.

Feeling more confident in myself I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. I figured I would call Edward and see if he wanted to go to breakfast, or watch a movie, or just…be with me. That sounded fantastic. Then again, anything with Edward had the potential to sound fantastic.

I thought of the kisses we had shared before; of how sweet and loving they were while at the same time they had be desperate and fiery. It was a tantalizing combination I could not believe existed in this world. I started to get out of bed, before I saw a shadow cross the doorway of my room.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively.

"Bella." A harsh, familiar voice from my doorway startled me, and I screamed when I saw who it was.

"No, no, no!" I cried, scurrying away instantly to no avail; he two three longs strides and grabbed me by the hair, eliciting a small scream from my throat.

"What did I tell you, Bella?" He asked, tugging on my hair cruelly. "You belong to _me_, and here I find out you've been whoring around while I was away?"

"You were in _prison_." I snapped, although my voice was shaky. "And I don't belong to you!" He snarled and slapped me hard across the face, causing me to stumble to the ground. I groaned and cupped my smarting cheek, tears welling up in my eyes. "My mom-"

"Your mom left, slut. I'm not surprised, she doesn't want to waste her time on you. And your little boyfriend? He's gone too. _Nobody wants you_."

"That's not true." I whimpered, backing up only to hit the wall of my bedroom. "He wants me, he-"

"Stop trying to run away, Bella. You're only going to make things worse for yourself." He smiled a wicked grin and reached for my arm. "What would he do if he knew what I was going to do with you, Bella? Hmm?" He started pulling me towards the door of my room, and I wrenched away desperately, looking for any form of escape. Without thinking, I hurtled towards the window and yanked it open, staring at the cold, hard ground below for a split second before jumping. But I landed horribly wrong on my leg, screaming when I hit the ground; I heard and felt my leg break.

I looked around the neighborhood wildly, praying that someone would be home. But it was early on a Sunday morning; most people were either at church, out for breakfast, or still sleeping. Before I could get my mind off the excruciating pain in my leg, he was at my side, picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. I gutturally screamed in the process, feeling as if the bone in my leg had broken clean in half. He paid no mind, simply dropped me the trunk of his car, holding me down with one arm while forcing my mouth shut with a gag, then binding my hands behind my back.

I tried to scream through the gag, but it was impossible. Frantic tears blurred my vision and I felt a dull _thud _and a sharp pain against my head just before everything blacked out entirely.

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**Intrigue! **

**  
Guess what? If you review, I'll post again tomorrow.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	19. Tell

**Props, once more, go to Jensen. He drove me to Panera Bread for dinner and got some wi-fi along with our salads.**

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EPOV

I glanced at my cell phone, tapping my fingers leisurely against the leather of the sofa. It was eleven o'clock, and I was surprised that Bella hadn't called me yet. Then again, she hadn't had a very good night. Rosalie was still gone; I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Either she and Emmett were having a very deep conversation, or things had gone badly and she was crying her eyes out somewhere.

So I decided to give her another hour before I called her; I didn't want to interrupt their reunion.

"Edward?" I heard Esme's tentative voice from behind me, but I didn't turn around. "Edward, I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. It wasn't my place." She said softly, resting her hands on either of my shoulders. I still didn't turn around, and Esme let out an exasperated sigh. "I know I don't understand you. And I should try to. But…Edward, please explain to me. How can I understand you? There is so much I don't get…why do you love her? What about her-"

"It's not a difficult thing." I said sharply. "I just do, alright?" Esme's hands dropped from my shoulders and she came around to sit next to me on the sofa.

"Does she know this?" She asked gently, rubbing my knee with her hand.

"No. She wouldn't believe me if I told her."

"Why not?"

"She thinks very lowly of herself." I admitted. "Do you know why she moved here with her mother?" Esme wrinkled her eyebrows, frowning.

"No. Why?" I hesitated, not sure if Bella would be comfortable with me sharing her past with people.

"Her boyfriend back in Phoenix abused her." I whispered, and Esme gasped.

"What…uh, what kind of abuse?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"All of it." I muttered, rubbing my face with my hands. "Physically, verbally, sexually…he did everything imaginable to wear her down. And in March, he raped her. Bella couldn't handle it, and her father eventually sent her here, because he didn't have any idea of how to take care of her." I saw tears well up in Esme's blue eyes and I immediately paused the story. "I don't know if I should be telling you this." I said in a low voice. "Bella might…she might see this as betrayal. And after all the terrible things she's been through, I just can't be the one to hurt her again."

"I understand." Esme said quietly, ruffling my hair affectionately. "I'm just very glad you shared this with me. Before, I didn't understand why your devotion to her was so fierce, and why you were so protective. You're trying to help her, aren't you?"

"I think she might be depressed." I admitted, relieved at the weight that immediately lifted from my chest when I said those words. Esme smiled sadly and hugged me tenderly, resting her head against my shoulder.

"I know you'll do the right thing." She murmured. "You're a good boy."

"Thanks, mom." I said as the phone started to ring. Esme pulled away from me and got up to answer it, straightening her shirt as she went.

"Hello?" She answered, clicking the rings that adorned her hands together. Her face went from serene to extremely confused. "No…she's not here. Hold on, I'll ask him." Esme covered the phones reciever with her hand and looked over at me. "Edward, do you know where Bella might be?" My heart dropped like a rock.

"No." I answered, standing up. "Is that Renée?" Esme nodded and turned her attention back to the phone. "Renée, Edward doesn't know."

"Tell her I'll be over in five minutes." I called over my shoulder, pocketing my keys and heading straight for the front door. I heard Esme relay the message just as the door slammed behind me.

Bella was strong, and smart. She couldn't have done something stupid.

I hoped. Maybe I shouldn't have left her this morning. Or I shouldn't have pushed her to tell me the entire story. I didn't know.

I just knew that I had to find her.

Because I loved her, and I had to tell her.

-----

**Short, but the manager is giving me the evil eye…we've been here for like an hour and just shared a salad and a tea.**

**Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	20. Hope

**My in-laws neighbors have Wi-Fi, and they gave me the password so I can connect! But still, I can't be on my laptop 24/7, silly goose!**

**------**

BPOV

_I'm going to die. He's actually going to __**kill**__ me._

I opened my eyes and all I saw was blackness. I could feel a blindfold over my eyes, and I could feel warm blood running down my hands as a result of the tight bindings around my wrists. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to hold back my tears, but it didn't work.

_I'm going to die. I'm never going to get to tell Edward how I feel about him. I'm never going to kiss him again. I'm never going to hear his laugh, or tousle his hair in my hands ever again. I'm going to die._

My head was pounding just as hard as my heart, and my breaths were raspy and short. My mind played on constant loop, _I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die. _

This is it.

EPOV

"What happened?" I asked desperately, tearing into Bella's house without bothering to knock on the front door. Renée and a police officer were sitting in the living room.

"Miss, seeing as it has only been a matter of hours, there's not much we can do." The officer said kindly, and Renée shook her head.

"No, something is _wrong_. She's been through so much, and she wouldn't just leave."

_She's been through so much_.

No. No…it couldn't be…

James.

He would be the only one who would ever want to hurt Bella, or take her away from Renée like this. He was the only person I could ever imagine would do this.

"Renée, did you notice anything odd about Bella's room?" I asked tentatively, pinching the bride of my nose. "Like…evidence that anyone else has been in there?" Renée shook her head sadly, dabbing at her brown eyes with a tissue.

"Nothing was out of the ordinary." She said sadly. "Her bed wasn't made…there were clothes on the floor…the note from you was still on the nightstand."

"Can I go look?" I asked, looking up the stairwell. Renée gave a little nod and turned back to the officer as I took the stairs two at a time.

I hesitated in the doorway of Bella's room, just taking everything in. It was just how it had been early this morning; disorganized and cluttered. Her sheets were tangled on the bed, and her sweatshirt from last night was balled up on the floor. I noticed a small picture on her nightstand and smiled. It was of the two of us at the University of Seattle. We were wearing our complimentary tee shirts and giving the camera an overly enthusiastic thumbs up. Proof that we had been together. Proof that the relationship between us was tangible.

She had to be alright. I could lose her, not like this.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Renée came in the room behind me.

"Edward, the officer needs to look around." She said in a somber voice. "Why don't you come downstairs?" I nodded and wordlessly followed her downstairs, passing the officer on the stairs. We sat down in the living room, and Renée offered me a cup of coffee, which I graciously accepted. I needed something to take me out of this…state.

"When did you notice she was gone?" I asked quietly, staring at the wall in front of me. There was a picture of Bella as a little girl, wearing a ballerina's outfit. That struck me as funny, seeing she was one of the most uncoordinated people I knew.

"I came home from class, and she was just gone." Renée said quietly, brushing her short hair out of her face. "At first, I just assumed she was with you. But then I realized she would have left a note, or called, or _something_. So I went upstairs and saw your note, and thought I'd call you. When you said you didn't know where she was…I panicked and called the police. After everything that's happened to my baby, I…I-" She stopped to wipe a tear from her cheek.

"I understand." I said quietly. Renée stared at me for a second, a small line appearing between her eyebrows.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" She asked, tracing the rim of her coffee cup with her thumb. I didn't say anything; just nodded. "Are you and Bella dating?" Renée blurted out, then took a drink of her coffee. I paused, unsure of the answer.

"I feel very, very strongly about you daughter, but I don't know exactly where we stand." I said carefully, not sure how to proceed. "And I know how badly she's been hurt in the past…so I'm afraid to be the one to hurt her next. I couldn't do that to myself or her. Bella is too special; I couldn't live with myself if I were the one to hurt her in anyway."

Renée nodded, obviously holding back tears.

"I never liked that boy." She said, her voice hoarse. "I only met him a few times, but I could tell he wasn't good for her. The way she acted around him…it was just wrong. She wasn't acting like herself, she was acting like a robot. Bella would do or say anything he told her to. And it got worse. She was blind, consumed by what she thought was love. But if that's what it was, it was obviously one-sided." Renée took another small sip of coffee. "Bella's a smart girl." She said slowly. "She wouldn't do anything stupid…right?"

"I hope-" I started to say, but we were interrupted by the officer.

"Ms. Swan? I think I've got something."

-----

**Ooh, cliffhanger. Kind of. I will update tomorrow if you grace me with your reviews!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	21. Clues

**I have a huge migraine. And I think my right eye is a little bit swollen…idk, I'm just in a pissy, terrible mood.**

**-----**

BPOV

Dead.

I felt _dead_. Was I dead? I shifted my arm slightly, but the bindings didn't allow much movement. I winced as the car hit a bump in the road and my head smacked against the bottom of the trunk.

Nope. Judging by the throbbing pain in my head and wrists, I was still alive.

I just felt hopeless. And unloved. How could he _do this_? James had told me he loved me, and now he does this? I tried to take deep breaths and memories flooded my mind. I had been a different person with James. Obedient, dependent, and just plain pathetic. I brought this on myself; this was all my fault. I was causing people worry, because I hadn't been able to handle anything the right way.

Edward probably didn't care. He had probably found himself a girl that was good enough for him; one that wasn't so screwed up and just…_damaged_.

Because I was damaged. I was scarred and hurt and ruined. James had taken me and broken me, and I didn't deserve someone like Edward. He should find someone better than me before I could totally fuck up his life. And then his velvet voice rang in my ears.

"_I'm falling in love with you, Bella."_

Falling in love with me. Edward Cullen was falling in love with _me_.

I loved him, more than anything. I loved him so much it was indescribable. What I had felt with James, that was not love. This, this feeling that has kept me sane the last couple of weeks, is love. Pure, perfect, love.

I love him, and I may never get to tell him.

Because this son of a bitch thinks he _owns_ me. He wants to hurt me again, but that's not going to happen. I'm going to get away.

I have to.

Everything is depending on it.

EPOV

"She dropped her cell phone?" Renée asked skeptically. "That's your big break?" The police officer rolled his eyes and flipped Bella's phone open.

"Well, if something did happen, she may have managed to text someone or take a picture…" he hit a button on her phone and a grainy video appeared on the screen "or even a video." He said triumphantly, and Renée grabbed the phone from him, squinting at the poor quality video, her hands shaking.

"Damn." She hissed. "It was him, he hurt her again!" She cried, dropping the phone an holding her hands over her eyes, like she could no longer bear to look.

"James?" I asked bending to pick up the phone.

"I'm going to need some information on this guy." The officer said, replaying the 13 second long video. It made me sick to watch, so I turned my head to Renée. "You say he's going to hurt her _again_?" Renée nodded, her eyes filling with tears again.

"He was her boyfriend from Arizona. Last March…he raped her. It wasn't the first time. But I didn't know, I wasn't there…" She trailed off, her eyes glassy. "James abused her, too. Verbally and physically." She added quietly. "He went to jail, but he wasn't given the maximum sentence. 2 years of jail, with time off for good behavior. I can't believe this; I wasn't there to stop him; to help my baby." I patted her arm awkwardly, knowing that Renée must be feeling extremely guilty, even though this wasn't her fault. If anything, _I_ held a majority of the blame. I shouldn't have left her here alone…

"I'm going to make a call." The officer said gruffly, exiting the room with Bella's phone still in his hand.

"Shouldn't you call Bella's father?" I asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. Renée dropped her head, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"He's going to blame me for _everything_." She whispered, balling her hands up into fists.

"He should know, though. His daughter is missing, he should know that-" I was interrupted by my vibrating cell phone. I looked down at the screen and inhaled sharply.

Emmett.

"I have to take this." I said quickly, smiling apologetically at Renée as I walked over to the window, absentmindedly looking at the ground below. "Hello?" I answered as Renée quietly left the room, on the phone herself.

"It's Emmett." The gruff voice I knew so well said, and I rolled my eyes.

"I figured. Did Rosalie talk to you?" I asked, my voice hard.

"That's kind of why I called." He said sheepishly. "She told me everything you said, and I just wanted to say thank you. I, uh, know it hasn't been easy for you to accept our relationship." His actually sounded sincere, which was very rare for Emmett. "And Rose told me everything about Bella. I'm sorry man. Where's Bella now?" My breath caught and I closed my eyes.

"We don't know." I said softly, gazing out the window. Emmett took a while to respond, but when he finally did…

"What?!" He shouted, so loud I actually pulled the phone away.

"She's gone." I croaked, leaning my forehead against the window with my eyes still shut tight. "We don't know where, but we think her exboyfriend had something to do with it."

"Well, are you looking for her?" Emmett asked, and I could hear commotion in the background.

"It's only been a couple of hours, the police say-"

"Dammit, Edward, Rosalie told me _everything_. He could be hurting her, do you understand that? You have to go find her."

I couldn't believe _Emmett _was the one trying to talk some common sense into me.

"What?" I asked stupidly, looking out the window once more. Something on the ground caught my eye. In the rare ray of sunlight, something…_metallic _was shining up at me from the ground. Red metallic liquid, only a little bit, winking up at me in the sun. It was blood. It was her blood.

"Edward, I'm coming to get you." Emmett declared. "Where are you?"

"Bella's." I croaked, transfixed at the small blood spot on the yawn that now stuck out like a sore thumb.

"We'll be there in ten minutes." Emmett shouted, and I dropped the phone unceremoniously.

He had made her _bleed_. He was hurting her. Bella was hurt. I have to find her.

I have to.

Everything is depending on it.

-----

**Yep, my right eye is definitely swollen. I have to go get some eyedrops or something…**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	22. Hurt

**I'm sick. Sick, sick, sick. But I don't know what's wrong…I keep puking and I am just exhausted. I'm still at my in-laws and I honestly have been in our room for the past two days. **

**This chapter may be a little short, because if I upchuck while writing this, I'm going to wrap it up as soon as I can, because I assure you I'm going to feel even crappier.**

**-----**

BPOV

Something jabbed into my back. Hard.

"Bella." James spoke, his voice rough and slightly hoarse. He nudged me again, this time even harder, right in my ribcage.

I still didn't speak, I was desperately trying to think of a way to escape.

"Fuck, Bella, come on." James snapped, yanking hard on my hair; pulling me into an uncomfortable sitting position. "Get up." He pulled me out of the car, dragging me to the ground and dropping me unceremoniously. My head smacked against the hard ground and my leg seared with pain, the break was obviously very bad.

I didn't move, just tried to block out of the pain. The bindings cutting into my wrists and the blood running down my hands, the sharp pain in my head, and the unbelievable ache in my leg. These combined were more agonizing than anything I have ever imagined.

The blindfold was suddenly ripped from around my head, and I gasped when the harsh sunlight burned my eyes.

James stood above me, the snarl on his face scaring me like never before. I cried out when his foot came into contact with my back, kicking me hard. I withered on the ground as he continued to kick me, unable to get away. The gag was still tied around my mouth, and my screams could not be heard.

_Please, someone, anyone, find me. Please._

There was no way I could die without letting Edward know all I felt for him. I loved him with every beat of my heart, and it was the only thing from keeping me from just giving up.

The gag was suddenly ripped away, and my throat was raw from my silent screams.

"Talk to me, Bella." James hissed, leaning down and grabbing my chin roughly, forcing me to make eye contact with him. When I looked into his dark eyes, I couldn't remember why in god's name I had even fallen for him in the first place.

"Please, James, please stop." I croaked. "I won't tell anyone, please just let me go." I cried, attempting to wriggle my hands free. The rough bindings scraped across the already bleeding, agitated skin and I whimpered, pressing my face into the ground. I sucked in my breath and squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to let tears fall. I would not let this man see me cry.

"Hmm…nope." James laughed cruelly, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek so that I wouldn't cry out. "Tell me about your newest conquest, you little whore." He snapped, kneeling down next to me and slapping me across the face.

"You don't need to know anything." I managed, my throat still excruciatingly sore. James rolled his eyes and placed each of his hands on each side of my head, squeezing hard.

"Edward, right?" He whispered, his hot breath in my ear. "You fuck him yet?"

He was sick. James thought he _owned _me.

"Stop." I rasped.

"I take that as a no." James laughed. "He's too good for you anyway. I did a little research- his daddy's a doctor…his sisters are beautiful…hmm, maybe I'll pay them a visit next."

"Stay away from them." I found my voice, and it now dripped with venom. "_All_ of them, James."

"Don't tell me what to do." James snapped, slapping me again.

I groaned and shifted slightly, the new stinging pain in my cheek slightly dulling the unbelievable pain in my leg.

James stood up, grabbing me from under my arms and dragging me somewhere; the tears I was holding back were seriously clouding my vision. I yelped quietly every time my leg dragged against the ground, which was often.

"I can do anything I want, Bella. And that includes _you_, slut."

-----

**I'm sorry. I made it over 700 words before tossing my cookies, though. I only had in about 600 in the last story I updated. **

**As soon as I feel better, the chapters will be longer.**

**Ugh, why am I so sick????????**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	23. Found

**Oh dear god. So I went to the doctor today and apparently I'm impregnated. My husband and I totally flipped and have been bouncing around all day, and then I figured hey, I'll update. **

**I'm still not feeling overly great, but I'm really excited, so I've got a lot of energy. My due date is May 26.**

**P.S. I have a new story out, it's called "****L'amour est Sourd****". Here's the summary:**

**Edward has been deaf since birth, and no one understands him until Bella comes along and completely changes his world.**

**Anyway, please check it out if you have time.**

**-----**

EPOV

"Dammit, Emmett, drive faster." I snarled, making a fist with my hand.

"I'm already going twenty miles above the speed limit, asshole. Calm the fuck down." Emmett snapped back, immediately getting overly defensive. He took a deep breath and shot me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry." He muttered, and the speedometer went from 80 to 85, then down to 70. "We need to talk." He said shortly, focusing back on the road ahead of us.

"About what?" I asked, fidgeting nervous and keeping my eyes focused on the road as well.

"About…Rosalie." He exhaled and gripped the steering wheel tightly. I stiffened and ripped my gaze from the road, focusing on him now.

"What about her?" I asked gruffly.

"She thinks she's pregnant." Emmett said slowly. "But that's impossible. I mean, we use condoms. She's on birth control, too. We're _safe_. Overly safe." I cringed a little at the thought of my little sister needing condoms and birth control, but shoved it back into my mind, trying to forget about it.

"She's probably not pregnant." I mumbled, desperate to get off this topic of conversation. "Rosalie jumps the gun on everything and…I think she was just freaking out. End of story, now let's drop it." Emmett inhaled deeply and nodded, speeding the car up again.

"Where exactly are we looking?" He asked after several minutes of silence.

"I don't know." I said anxiously, jiggling my leg up and down. "Last time he hurt her…it was in her house in Phoenix. This time…I don't know where he'll take her."

"Let's try the forest near La Push." Emmett suggested. "It's so secluded, and the water is right nearby-"

"Stop thinking like that." I said angrily. "She…she _can't_ die." Emmett fell silent, his eyes going back to the road.

"Ok. Is here good?" Emmett asked, pulling up next to a hiking path. I shrugged and got out of the car, breathing heavily.

"Sure." I paused, thinking clearly for the first time since Bella had told me everything so early this morning. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and it was really just a few hours. So much could change in so little time. "Should we really be doing this? I mean, we don't have any idea what to do…"

Emmett shrugged, looking up at the typically cloud filled sky.

"We have to find her." He said, surprising me. I had never taken Emmett as an overly compassionate person.

"Let's go." I muttered, walking further into the woods.

I had to find her, and tell her how I felt.

I loved her.

I loved Isabella Swan, more than I could ever fully express.

BPOV

_I have to do something. I have to __**do something**_**.**

I willed my body to move, my lungs to draw in breath, but it wasn't becoming increasingly difficult to do either. I didn't know where I was; James had left me on the floor of a forest somewhere, but I knew he would be back soon enough. He would never just leave me here before doing something first.

_Come on, move!_

My brain was screaming at the rest of my body, but I still couldn't find the strength to do so.

_Move. Just __**move**_**.**

I heard heavy footsteps, and I instantly tensed up. This could be the end.

"Shit!" A voice that definitely wasn't James' pierced my ears, and I attempted to sit up. My eyes were a little swollen, and I could barely see, but I was able to make out two blurry shapes running towards me. I tried to cry out for help, make sure they were going to help, but my throat was absolutely raw. "Bella?" The voice called, and I collapsed back onto the hard ground with what I could only describe as pure and utter relief. I felt someone kneel down next to me and gently feel for my pulse; listen to my breathing. "Fuck, she's half dead!"

"No she's not! She's fine. She's going to be fine." A voice growled; a voice I immediately recognized as Edward's.

Oh thank god. Edward. Edward found me. He was going to save me.

"Thank you, thank you." I managed to croak, a flood of tears running down my face. I felt Edward scoop me into his arms and I screamed when he moved my leg. Edward immediately stilled.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked frantically, standing still.

"My leg." I sobbed, burying my face into the soft material of his shirt.

"Oh fuck." Edward groaned, shifting me in his arms. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm going to take you to the hospital. Come on, Emmett."

So Emmett was the mystery person who was one of my saviors.

"Thank you." I whispered in Edward's ear, my tears soaking his shirt for the second time that day.

"I love you." Edward murmured, and my heart skipped a beat.

"What?" I whispered, lifting up my head slightly. Edward cleared his throat and my heart dropped.

Did he not mean it?

"I love you, Bella. I'm sorry, I should have-"

"No!" I said as clearly as I could managed. "I…I love you too." I heard Edward sigh, and suddenly his soft lips were on my chapped ones, kissing me tenderly and with reverence.

"I'm going to take care of you, Bella." Edward whispered against my lips.

-----

**Tired. Going to eat a muffin then go to bed. **

**FYI, James will be back, but he's not going to hurt Bella again. Pssht, I would never allow that!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	24. Hospital

**Had to watch the Desperate Housewives premiere (we taped it) with the man-child brigade, then I decided to work on this chapter. You're welcome!**

**And here, I'm going to continue to self advertise about this new story, because I'm a selfish person who loves reviews.**

**P.S. I have a new story out, it's called "****L'amour est Sourd****". Here's the summary:**

**Edward has been deaf since birth, and no one understands him until Bella comes along and completely changes his world.**

**Anyway, please check it out if you have time.**

**-----**

BPOV

"Are you alright?" I didn't answer Edward's velvet voice; I was trying with all my might not to close my eyes. Because if I did, I wasn't sure if I would be able to open them again.

Everything in my body was enflamed in white hot pain, radiating up my leg and throughout the expanse of my shivering body. Edward held me on his lap in the back seat of a huge red hummer while Emmett floored it to the hospital, hitting every bump along the way, sending me into even more spasms of pain. I felt my breathing slow down and my eyelids started to flutter at an alarming rate. I just couldn't keep them open anymore. I was sick of fighting; I just wanted to lay down and give up.

"Bella! Bella, stay with me." Edward jostled my shoulders gently, trying not to hurt me."Come on Bella, talk to me." He said frantically, his fingers searching my pulse. His long fingers probed at my neck gently and my breathing became even more labored and raspy. "Emmett, go faster!" He growled, pressing down gently on my pulse. "She's not-"

"Call your dad." Emmett suggested frantically, and I heard curse explicitly under his breath just before he sped the car up. "He'll know what to do."

I didn't pay attention as Edward pulled out his phone and called his dad. I made sure not to listen as Edward called his adoptive father, Dr. Cullen. I focused on the pattern on the seats in the car, willing my eyes not to shut again anytime soon.

-----

"She's bleeding from various-"

"Her heart rate is elevated, and it looks like-"

I was still struggling to keep my eyes open, but breathing was getting much easier. I didn't know where I was, and I couldn't speak coherently. I knew that Edward's father was with me- I had met him once before in the hospital the week after I moved to Forks, when I had a panic attack at home and smacked my head on the door frame.

I also knew that Edward had attempted to come into my room, but wasn't allowed. I knew that I was in a trauma room, and I had caught glimpses of Edward lingering in the doorway, shouting angrily at the nurse trying to get him to leave.

He said he loved me. And I had told him what I felt.

So what was going to happen with us? Were we just going to live happily ever after? That seemed impossible; I was so fucked up and didn't want to bring Edward down. But now that I knew he loved me too, I couldn't possibly let him go. Before, when I had doubted his feelings for me, I had concluded that if he didn't love me, I would eventually get over the pain when he left.

But now, I couldn't bear to see him go.

EPOV

"Just for a few minutes." I said evenly, trying not to get angry again.

"No." The nurse said, stepping in front door the room Bella was in. "No one but authorized personal are allowed in trauma rooms, so I suggest you go back to the waiting room now." I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Please." I begged, peering into the room over the squat nurses' head. I could see Bella lying on the bed, a small trickle of blood oozing down from her parted lips.

Shit. She had internal bleeding. I was going to _kill_ that fucker for everything that he had done to her, both past and present.

"No." The nurse crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at me; squinting through her glasses.

"_Please_." I begged again as she began to push me away. "I love her. I fucking _love her_." The nurses gaze softened a little, but she didn't move away from the door.

"I'm sorry, son, but you're going to have to wait until she gets out of trauma and _calm down_." She said, putting her hand on my arm. "I promise we'll let you know right when she gets out." I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, pulling slightly.

"Fine." I groused, turning around sharply and stomping back to the waiting room. Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and Renée were sitting in the waiting room, as well as a man I didn't recognize.

"Well? Did they let you in?" Emmett asked, his arm around Rosalie's slim waist.

"No." I sighed, sinking into a chair between Alice and Renée. Alice leaned over and hugged me gently, her hair tickling my neck.

"She's going to be fine, Edward. I just know it." She whispered in my ear, then pulled back and reached for Jasper's hand.

"Is this him?" The brown haired man next to Renée asked with an edge of anger to his tone, raising his eyebrows at me. Renée placed a shaking hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down, Charlie. Edward means a lot to Bella." She said softly.

_Oh._

So this was Bella's father. Renée, of course, would have called him. And what, he was mad at _me_?

I hadn't done anything wrong. Hell, if I hadn't gone with Emmett to find her, she could have been dead right now, and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself.

-----

**Watching 'House'. I love me some Hugh Laurie.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	25. Sorry

**Watching The Office with Jensen and my sister Evelyn, who just started college at the University of Chicago. I love Rainn Wilson!**

**Still self advertising, because I feel like being selfish.**

**P.S. I have a new story out, it's called "****L'amour est Sourd****". Here's the summary:**

**Edward has been deaf since birth, and no one understands him until Bella comes along and completely changes his world.**

**Anyway, please check it out if you have time.**

**-----**

EPOV

"Edward Cullen." I said politely, sticking my hand out. Bella's father looked a little startled but he grudgingly shook my hand.

"I think we should talk." He said pointedly, and Renée sighed deeply.

"Charlie, you don't need to do this." She said quietly, but Charlie ignored her; standing up and gesturing for me to follow him towards the alcove that contained ice and vending machines.

"What do you want with my daughter?" He asked bluntly before I could even come to a complete stop. "Don't you realize that she's not in a good place right now? I don't want you, or anyone else, messing with her." I blinked several times, absorbing what he was saying.

"I'm not going to hurt her." I finally said. "And I'm certainly not messing with her. Our relationship is real." Charlie squinted at me, his expression hostile. A few minutes of silence passed.

"Renée said she thought you were in love with her." He finally said, raising his eyebrows at me. "Is that true?"

BPOV

"She looks-" A voice I couldn't place was suddenly in my ear, and I jerked restlessly, but was too tired to open my eyes.

"Beautiful. She's beautiful." A sharp voice interjected. This one I recognized easily as Edward's voice.

"I was just going to say she looked _tired_." The voice said, and this time I could tell it was Alice.

"Both of you just calm down." A deep voice I figured was Emmett's growled.

It was touching that they were all here. I barely knew Alice and Emmett, and still they were here in the hospital room with me. Or maybe they were just here for Edward. Either way, it felt good to have at least one person, other than my own parents, care about me and my wellbeing. People cared. _Someone _cared. And that meant more than I could have ever expected.

"You guys should all get home." My father's voice said, just as gruff as I remembered it. I couldn't believe he was here. "It's past midnight, and visiting hours are over."

"Goodnight." A sweet voice said quietly, and I realized it had to be Rosalie. "We'll all come back in the morning."

That really meant a lot. Rosalie, who basically hated me and thought I wasn't good enough for Edward, was here. I guessed she was here for Edward, but it was still a nice gesture.

"Rose, tell mom I'll be sleeping here tonight." Edward said firmly.

"I don't think-" Rosalie started to protest, but Emmett cut her off.

"Rose, just let him be." He murmured, and then everyone was quiet. I figured they had all left.

"I'm going to get a drink." My father mumbled, and I heard the door open and then close.

"Edward?" I whispered, fighting to open my eyes. Everything in my body, from my eyelids to the tips of my toes, ached.

"Bella!" Edward said in surprise, and he gripped my hand tightly, leaning over the side of my bed. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." He said, kissing my face all over. I shuddered in relief and pleasure when his lips met with my cheeks, nose, jaw, forehead, and then finally my lips.

A few tears escaped underneath my closed eyes as our lips moved together sweetly.

"For what?" I asked against his lips, bringing my hands to his soft hair.

"I should have found you sooner." He whispered, kissing me again. "How do you feel?" He pulled away after that, cupping my chin in his hand and looking me over.

"You found me in time, Edward. Thank you." I murmured. "And I feel…tired. And grungy." Edward laughed softly despite the grim situation.

"I shouldn't be monopolizing you like this. I'll go out in the waiting room and you can get some sleep." He sighed, moving forwards to kiss me again. I smiled against his lips when our lips touched and that familiar, glorious spark hit me.

Just then, the door to my hospital room swung open with a bang. Edward and I immediately shot apart, and I instantly blush when my absentee father walked into the room.

"Bella." He said gruffly, frowning. "Can I talk to you?" He asked, sitting at the foot of my bed. Edward squeezed my hand, silently asking if he should go. "Privately." He added, looking towards Edward with obvious disdain.

"Dad, please-" I started to protest, but Edward got up quickly and kissed my forehead reverently.

"It's alright. I have to call my parents anyway." He murmured, squeezing my hand one last time before releasing it and leaving the room.

Charlie waited for the door to close completely before turning to me, his eyes tired and dark.

"I need to tell you something about that boy."

-----

**I'm sorry this is kind of short, but I have a presentation tomorrow and then a Cardinals game Saturday night, so I'm trying to get a lot of stuff done tonight. Unfortunately, that means real world stuff, not fanfiction updates.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	26. Antidepressants

**Cardinal game tonight, and last night was the homecoming game at my youngest brother's school. They won, and my adorable little bro made two touchdowns! I love you Ryan!**

**This story is going to be roughly 40 chapters, maybe less.**

**-----**

BPOV

"What?" I asked, confused. What problem could Charlie possibly have with _Edward_? Sure, my last boyfriend had been…dangerous, but Edward was a thousand times different and better. Charlie had to see that Edward was in no way like James. In fact, he was the complete opposite. He was good when James was evil, he was peaceful when James was violent. And he loved me, while James had used me and hurt me in every way he could.

"He loves you." Charlie said impatiently, frowning. I hesitated, unsure of what the problem was. He must have talked to Edward, because Charlie was not a very perceptive person.

"I know." I finally said, looking down at my hands instead of meeting my father's eyes. "Charlie, he is _nothing _like-"

"Do you love him?" Charlie cut me off, and I hesitantly raised my head so that my eyes met his. It hit me right then just how much I had missed my father. Yes, he had been unwilling to deal with me and shuttled me off to leave with Renée, but he was still my father, and I loved him no matter what.

"Yes, dad." I answered honestly. "But please listen to me." I reached for his hand awkwardly, patting my bed as a gesture for him to move closer to me. "He's an amazing person, and he cares about me. Dad, he takes care of me. When I'm feeling really…_sad_, he's always there for me, making me feel better or at least trying to. Even though I try and hide my emotions from him, he still tries. Edward is the best thing that has ever happened to me." I spoke from the heart, hoping my father, who had never really given up on his relationship with my mother, would understand what I was feeling for Edward.

He was quiet for a moment, his brows furrowed. I knew that Charlie, deep down, cared about what was best for me. All I could hope was that he would realize Edward truly was the only good thing going in my life. My father had seen me go through so much, and I understood that he was going to be protective of me for the rest of my life, despite how sweet and good Edward really was.

"He loves you." Charlie said quietly, looking into my eyes. It was a statement, not a question. "He knows _everything_?" He asked, squeezing my hand in his.

"Yes." I whispered. "I told him everything." Charlie sighed, rubbing at his eyebrow.

"Bella, I can accept this relationship on one condition. I know I can't stop you from doing anything, I learned that the hard way in these past couple of years."

"What's the one condition?" I asked, and Charlie bit his lip.

"I want you to take the medication the doctor in Phoenix prescribed to you. Just take it, Bella. It can make you so much better." That was like an anvil falling straight onto my chest; crushing my heart in the process. My own father, my flesh and blood, thought I needed to take antidepressants, and he wouldn't accept the love I felt for Edward and the relationship we shared otherwise.

Yes, it wasn't his decision to make for me, but his opinion still mattered to me. Maybe if I had listened to him about James, I wouldn't be in this situation. Then again, I wouldn't have found Edward and I would still be rotting away in Arizona, without the love of my life. I couldn't give up Edward.

"I…I can't do that, dad. It's not happening." I murmured, and the hopeful expression on Charlie's face slipped away, replaced by one of confusion.

"What not, Bella? They can help you. They can help with all the things that have been bothering you." He scooted up closer to me, gently placing one hand on my cheek. It was strange being so friendly with my father again after everything that had happened in the last year, but it felt so familiar and comfortable. It felt the way things had when I was a child, and I was happy and not so screwed up.

How could I explain to him what antidepressants could do to a person? I had looked it up over the summer when my doctor had recommended them and given me a prescription, and refused to take them. That was one of the reasons Charlie had sent me to live with Renée; we had gotten in a huge fight and he accused me off sabotaging myself.

"I don't want to be someone I'm not." I whispered. "Antidepressants don't always work, dad. They can make me a robot, a machine without feeling. They could even make me want to commit _suicide._ Do you want that?" I asked, holding back tears.

Charlie sighed, bringing his hands to his face and holding his face in his hands.

"Of course I don't want that, baby. I want you to be happy."

"Edward makes me happy." I said quietly.

I knew this wouldn't be enough to make Charlie happy.

"Bella, I know you won't want to hear this, but…is Edward always going to be around? You're both going to college next year, and what happens then?"

And I didn't even know the answer to that.

**-----**

**At the Cardinal game now and managed to upload from my iPhone using google documents. **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	27. Injury

**Hey everyone, this is Mellie's husband, Jensen. Mel took a spill last night and broke three fingers on her right hand, so she won't be able to type for a while. We went to the hospital to make sure everything was alright, and they told her no typing, writing, or using her hand excessively. So Mel wanted me to type this up for her and post it so you guys would all know what's going on. **

**And she says xoxo, Melodyella aka Mellie**

**And I say bye.**


	28. Love

**My friend Keely is typing this for me, while I'm like screaming at her to spell things correctly and use proper grammar. It's amusing. Well, for me at least.**

**A couple of people asked me how I got hurt. Well, Devon and I were washing the windows in my apartment and I was up on a ladder and when I fell, I completely landed on my right ring, middle, and index fingers (they were all like, turned in the other direction and it was nasty as hell). So I was like screaming and crying and Devon drove me to the hospital while I was screaming and cursing up a storm. Jensen met us there and I got checked out, got my fingers set, and got a big ass splint on. It's annoying as hell, but everything is going alright and the splint should come off in a week or so.**

**Thanks for all the good wishes, it made me feel better and actually stop crying!**

**This might be a short chapter, it depends on how long this takes and when Keely has to leave!**

**-----**

BPOV

"Charlie, can I please have a little time alone?" I whispered, my voice cracking. "Tell Edward I'm sleeping or something, I just really want to be by myself."

Charlie looked a little taken aback, but nodded and patted my cheek as he stood up off my small hospital bed. "Alright, Bells." He sighed and walked towards the door, but paused just before he walked out. "And Bella? I'm sorry. I really have missed you." He smiled sadly and my heart panged.

"I missed you too." I smiled back at him and he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

I inhaled sharply and turned my face into the scratchy pillow, letting the tears that escaped pool there. I didn't know what would happen between Edward and I. Did he just feel sorry for me, or did he actually love me? I, without a doubt, was in love with him, but would things continue between us when we went off to college? Edward obviously had very serious plans for his own future, whereas I had none. I didn't even know what I wanted to do in life.

I knew another option for me was to go back to Phoenix with Charlie. If they found James, he would be put in a high security prison and hopefully be out of my life forever. I had no idea how he had even escaped and managed to find me, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to know. I was having enough problems sleeping, plagued by dreams of what had happened over these last 15 hours, and the terror I had been put through.

Then again, if I stayed here with Renée, I could stay with Edward for as long as he would want me. And I hoped that would be at least a few months. I could not comprehend how Edward put up with me. I was moody, rude, troubled, and had treated him terribly in the past. I was basically damaged goods, considering what had happened to me last March and earlier today.

Was I seriously such a terrible person that James had to do this to me? I hadn't even been _around _him, and still he sought me out to hurt me. And he had succeeded; he had made me feel like a horrible person and a worthless piece of trash. Edward made me feel special and loved, despite the many problems I had and all the emotion sand problems I had dumped on him.

I finally just shut my eyes tight and wrapped my arms around myself, praying for sleep to take me. I just wanted to forget _everything._

-----

"Bella? Can I talk to you?" Edward's soft voice was suddenly in my ear, and I jumped, my heart beating wildly. "Hey, it's just me." He whispered, and I felt weight next to me on the hospital bed. I sighed and opened my eyes, just as Edward gently took my hand. "How are you feeling?" He asked, the look on his face extremely concerned.

"A little sore everywhere." I admitted, bringing a hand to my swollen, bruised face. "They didn't tell me, but do you know exactly, um, exactly what's wrong? Like, what are my injuries?" I asked timidly, unsure of how to ask this question. Edward sighed heavily and kissed my forehead gently.

"You have two broken ribs." Edward started, his long fingers ghostly gently down my side, careful not to touch me where I was hurting. "There was some internal bleeding, but that's taken care of. Your lips" his fingers gently pressed against my painfully chapped lips "are really chapped, so Rosalie left you a tube of chapstick." He fished around in his pocket and retrieved a small white tube of chapstick, then popped the cap off and gently spread it over my lips.

"Thank you." I murmured, and Edward smiled at me sweetly before continuing to tell me about the extent of my numerous injuries.

"You may have noticed that you have a splint on." He said, and I nodded, holding up my left hand. "You broke three fingers." Edward informed me, taking my heavily bandaged hand gently and kissing it. "And a pretty nasty cut on your back. It might sting a little, but the nurses cleaned it up and put a bandage on it." I shifted uneasily and felt the bandage move along with me. "But if you give it some time, you'll be fine."

"Edward, I want you to know that what I said earlier, I really do mean. I'm in love with you." I said abruptly, knowing I would lose the confidence to say what was on my mind if I waited any longer to tell him." He smiled a little sadly and gently cupped my chin in his hand.

"I'm in love with you too, Bella." Edward murmured, leaning forward and placing a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. "I never want you to doubt that. I do love you, and I will never intentionally hurt you.

That was all I could ask for- for now, at least. I knew Edward and I would have to have a serious discussion about the future and what It held for us.

-----

**Keely has to leave! Please review, and I will try and get someone to type for me tomorrow!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie and Keely**


	29. Suicide

**I'm so sorry, but this chapter has to be short. It's just to hold you over until the next chapter, which will be posted sometime this weekend.**

**If you guys haven't noticed, I'm into the whole self-promoting thing. I have yet another new story out. It's called "My Love, my Life" and it is about a burnt out Bella falling for Edward, who is a single father. Check it out if you have the time, it's got 2 chapters at this point.**

**Also, if you read my story 'Second Chances', please check out the poll on my profile page about the name/sex of Edward and Bella's baby.**

**One more thing. The splint comes off tomorrow, but I will still have to tape my fingers up. Typing won't be very easy, but I will be allowed to do it.**

**-----**

EPOV

"Edward, you should come home." I turned my head to see Carlisle standing in the doorway with his white coat still on and his briefcase in hand.

"I can stay." I said stubbornly, folding my arms across my chest.

"You have school tomorrow." He reminded me. "And homework to do." I refused to look at him, and then his voice softened. "Edward, I know you're worried sick, but sitting out here all night isn't going to help anything. Bella is going to be _fine_, with a few more days in the hospital and maybe a little therapy."

At those words, I whipped my head around to face him again. "Why are you sending her to a damn shrink!? There's nothing wrong with her!" I exclaimed, causing a few other people in the waiting room to cast me annoyed looks.

"She's been through a lot, Edward." Carlisle murmured. "And trauma like this can do a lot of damage to Bella; physically, emotionally, and even mentally. It's just a precaution, I promise you. We'd be doing it for any other patient." I studied him for a moment, unsure.

"Aren't you breaching doctor-patient confidentially by telling me this?" I asked, even though I really did want to know.

"She's not my patient, the procedure in her situation is simply hospital procedure." He said simply. "Come on, I'll tell you more on the drive home." He promised, and I grudgingly got up and followed him out of the waiting room and downstairs to the parking lot.

We were silent in the car until we hit in the main road, at which point Carlisle turned to me with a harried expression on his face. "Edward, do you think Bella is depressed?" He asked abruptly, then focused back on the road.

"What?!" I managed to croak, stunned. The expression on Carlisle's face turned to a grim one, although he still focused on the road in front of him instead of me.

"Son, what I'm going to tell you is considered a breach in doctor- patient confidentiality. But you'll be helping me with something. Just promise to keep this to yourself." I nodded, practically stunned speechless. "When I was looking over her medical reports, I saw that a doctor in Phoenix prescribed her antidepressants." Carlisle paused and quickly glanced over at me as if to gauge my reaction. I didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue. "Apparently after the last time this type of incident occurred, she had an evaluation and the therapist concluded that she was suffering from severe depression, so he prescribed a particularly strong antidepressant. But Bella, nor either one of her parents, ever filled the prescription."

"She isn't always like that." I said hesitantly, wondering how much I should actually tell Carlisle. "Some days, she's perfectly content, and some days she's not. We all have good and bad days."

"Her bad days are like yours and mine, Edward. They're to the point that she has had thoughts of suicide." Carlisle said quietly, and my mind started reeling.

Bella had tried to kill herself? When? Had it been back in Phoenix, or here in Forks? Had she attempted it recently?

Carlisle took my silence as a cue to keep talking. "I don't think she was hospitalized for it, but towards the end of August she came into the ER for a typical injury, and I noticed the scars on her arm. Vertical, not horizontal."

Towards the end of August. That meant she had bone it sometime before I had even met her. That, in the tiniest of ways, made me feel better. She hadn't tried since, and maybe it was because I was with her.

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**Like I said, short. But it can't be helped. And thanks to Jess for helping me type.**

**If you review I will update this weekend and make it longer.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	30. Dead

**I'm sorry for not updating this weekend, but I was super busy at work. We had to step up for a big show and it took a lot longer than we thought it would. On the plus side, my 'boss' (you wouldn't think of her as a boss if you met her, she's way to cool) bought us all coffee and lunch. Thanks, Lil. **

**IMPORTANT:**

**I posted my new updating schedule on my blog, the link to which is on my profile. It will be a lot of help to you.**

**-----**

BPOV

I stared in the hand mirror Renée had left for me, disgusted. Nasty bruises covered the left side of my face, which was still a little swollen. I looked like hell, even though I really just felt numb all over. The medication they were pumping into my system wasn't really helping; it was just covering up all the pain under and curtain of nothingness.

What I wanted, _needed _really, was Edward. I needed him to kiss me and love me and tell me everything was going to be fine. He was one of the only comforts in my life, and one of the only things that could draw me out of a bad mood.

Sighing to myself, I pulled out my cell phone and checked the time. It was only noon, and Edward had already sent me three text messages. He had gone to school today, and today was the first day of basketball practice.

_B-_

_I have practice tonight, but I'll come over to the hospital afterwards if I can._

_-E_

_-----_

_B-_

_I was seriously considering skipping out of homeroom to come see you, but I can't get away. I miss you._

_-E_

_-----_

_B- _

_School sucks without you here. I love you._

_-E_

_-----_

With every sweet text message he sent, my body ached a little less and my heart felt a little lighter. He cared, and he loved me.

"Miss Swan?" A nurse stuck her head in the room, and I jumped a little. "Sorry." She said briskly, not sounding sorry at all. "Are you ready to go down to therapy?"

"Yeah." I sighed, brushing the hair off my face and pulling it back into a sloppy ponytail. Instead of the typical backless gown, I had been permitted to wear clothes Edward had brought over from my house. I blushed at the thought of him picking out my clothes.

I was silent as the nurse wheeled me down to therapy. Last March, the same process had occurred. I had to sit in a cramped little room and listen to a doctor analyze everything about my life; down to the dreams I had and what kind of foods I preferred for breakfast. It wasn't and enjoyable thing, and certainly not the way I wanted to spend my afternoon. Especially if Edward was coming over tonight.

"Hello, Miss Swan." The therapist said cheerfully, looking up at me from his cluttered desk as I entered his office.

I stepped out of my completely unnecessary wheelchair and the nurse left silently, bringing the wheelchair along with her.

"Hello." I said sullenly, dropping onto the couch across from him. _Dr. Weber_.

"How have you been feeling, Miss Swan?" He asked seriously, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Bella." I corrected him quietly, and then answered his question. "I feel fine. A little jumpy, but fine." Dr. Weber nodded and shifted some papers around on his desk.

"You seem a little anxious." He observed. "What for?" I frowned.

_Well, he just dives right in, doesn't he?_

"I have visitors coming tonight." I said evasively, knowing that this conversation could easily go down the wrong path.

"Family? Friends? Boyfriend, maybe?" He asked, giving me a small knowing smile. I blushed slightly and looked down at my hands instead of at him while I answered.

"Boyfriend." I admitted, and I could see Dr. Weber nod out of the corner of my eye.

"Has anything been troubling you, Bella?" He asked in a kind voice, and I shrugged.

"Not really." I muttered.

"Well, we have an hour here, so what should we talk about?"

I shrugged again, not looking him in the eye. I didn't want to talk about the past. I wanted to forget it and move on.

"Let's talk about your boyfriend." Dr. Weber said decisively, and I groaned inwardly. "How long have you been dating?"

"A week or two." I said, still looking down. "Not very long." He nodded, tapping his fingers against the top of his desk.

"Does he know about your…past? Do you talk about it with him?"

"Yes." I answered quietly. "We've talked about it before, and he's actually made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. He understands."

Dr. Weber nodded again, which was really starting to annoy me. "And are you…_intimate _with your boyfriend?" I stared at him in shock at this question. What in god's name was he thinking? We had been together for not even two weeks, and this guy thought I had already slept with Edward?

"No." I sputtered, blushing a humiliating shade of bright red. He seemed unfazed, he just continued to nod. Like a freaking bobble head.

"But you were with your last boyfriend? With James?" I stiffened at his name, but nodded.

"Yes. But we had been dating for a lot longer." I pointed out, still blushing.

"But how would you classify this new relationship compared to your one with James? Safer? Friendlier? Warmer? Trusting? What?" Dr. Weber prodded, and I bit my lip in thought.

"Loving." I finally said, and Dr. Weber raised his eyebrows.

"_Loving_." He repeated, scrunching his thich eyebrows together. "And how is that different from your relationship with James?" I frowned, put off by this question. My relationship with Edward was nothing like the one I had with James.

"Well, Edward doesn't slap me around." I snapped, my voice icy and cold. "And he actually loves me, not just…my…body." I stuttered the last part, my mind immediately going back to the way James had used and violated my body countless times. How he had treated me like a piece of trash, all the while saying he loved me and that I was his.

"And do you think that's a good idea? Giving someone your heart so soon after-"

"Dr. Weber? Excuse me, but I need a quick word with Miss Swan." A police officer suddenly came in through the door, looking anxious and a tad bit jumpy. Dr. Weber looked annoyed but nodded.

"Of course." He said gruffly, and I eagerly followed the police officer outside.

"Miss Swan, we think we've found the man who kidnapped you." He said suddenly, just as Renée and Charlie appeared behind him, their faces piched but hopeful.

"James?" I asked frantically, looking up and down the deserted hallway like James might suddenly pop out. "You found him? Where?"

"We need you to identify the body." The officer said flatly, ignoring my question.

Identify the body.

Identify the body.

Identify the body.

He was dead.

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**I hate being busy.**

**Again, PLEASE check out my blog to see my new updating schedule. **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	31. Confirm

**Something important! I will be editing the preface to change the date. I misinterperated the time frame and will have to edit it. I'm just telling you this now to avoid confusion; I won't be changing it for a couple of days.**

**-----**

BPOV

He was dead.

Was it possible that all of my fears and memories could be kept under control by the simple fact that the man that had tortured me on so many levels was…_dead_?

Apparently, it could be. I felt amazingly liberated, like a gigantic weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Everything, even simple things think breathing in and out and walking seemed happier and altogether easier to do. Because I was free.

He would never, ever hurt me again.

"Miss Swan?" The officer asked kindly; holding the passenger side door to his squad car open. I blushed, realizing I had been spacing out.

"Sorry." I mumbled, sliding into the car and jumping a little when he slammed the door behind me. My mind wandered again, and it someone drifted to the thought that maybe James really wasn't dead. Maybe they had the wrong person and James was still out there, waiting to hurt me or someone I loved. I shivered, remembering what he had said to me yesterday morning when he had been attempting to kick my face in.

"_-his sister's are beautiful…hmm, maybe I'll pay them a visit next-"_

Alice. And Rosalie. If he wasn't dead, would James go after them? And if he did, he was because of me.

Edward would hate me forever for bringing this into their lives.

I sighed heavily, taking a deep and shaky intake of breath. James just had to be dead. I just had to pray that it was him, and that this was all over. Finally, after over seven months of this torture, he just had to be dead. I couldn't take this fear and pressure much longer before breaking.

-----

"Right through here, Miss Swan." The officer said in a deep voice, leading me through a pale gray door.

Into the morgue.

Into the room I would have ended up in if Emmett and Edward hadn't found me. I choked out a silent sob and felt Renée gently take my hand. She and Charlie had come along with me, and I was grateful for their support.

There was no way I could have handled this on my own.

"Is this the man that abducted you?" The officer asked, pulling back the stark white sheet that covered the body on the steel table top. The minute the face came into view, I collapsed into my parents arms, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

"Shh…" Charlie said, looking uncomfortable but gently stroking my hair. Renée squeezed me tightly and I felt tears falling down her face as well; mixing with my own.

"Yes." I croaked out, looking one more time into the face of the man that had wronged me in so many ways. "That's him. That's James." With those words, the officer pulled the sheet back over James' face and I was led from the room.

Although I felt with a delightful sense peace, I was still sobbing. This somehow made everything so much more real, even more so than the painful injuries I had received and the ugly bruising and swollenness of my marred face.

Seeing him one last time before my life could start back up again; picking up the pieces so that I could finally be happy.

I was free, and I was at peace.

He was dead.

EPOV

I sighed heavily and tousled my still wet hair with my hands, walking quickly back to my car after basketball practice.

School was very important to me, as well as basketball, but I still wished I could have stayed with Bella.

She had looked so peaceful last night before I left; sleeping soundly in her hospital bed, still astoundingly beautiful despite the bruises and stitches on her delicate looking heart shaped face.

I had to go home and eat something for dinner before I could go see her- that was the one thing my mother had insisted on. She was still angry with me for yelling at her like I had and how I had been so rude, but it seemed she had forgiven me for the most part. If it were any other circumstance, I'm sure she would have locked me in my room and only let me out for school, practice, and to eat.

The moment I got into the house Alice pounced on me; nagging me about how Bella was doing and asking if I had talked to Jasper after practice. Rosalie was silently watching television in the living room, but I saw her head turn slightly when I told Alice about Bella's condition. It seemed that love could soften even Rosalie's heart.

"How was school?" My mom asked when I entered the kitchen, dropping my heavy book bag on the kitchen table.

"Fine." I said, taking the sandwich she offered me. "Thanks." I added, but didn't eat the sandwich.

I was far too anxious to talk to Bella; I didn't want to eat.

Again, I thought about what Carlisle had told me yesterday. That he thought maybe Bella had once tried to kill herself. I could barely wrap my mind around it; some days Bella was so vivacious and full of life, and other days, she just…wasn't.

"Practice was good?" My mom asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. I shrugged my shoulders and took a big bite of the sandwich, chewing and swallowing quickly.

"It was okay." I said, finishing off my food as fast as I could. "I'm going to go now, okay?" I got up without waiting for her answer, dropping my plate in the sink on my way past.

"Hold up!" My mom called after me, and I slowly turned around; hovering in the doorway. "What time will you be home?" She asked, wiping her dirty hands on a dish towel.

I groaned and shrugged. "I don't know, mom. I promise it won't be too late."

"Your curfew is ten on school nights during basketball season." She reminded me, arching her eyebrow. "And you know the coach calls to check up on you sometimes."

"I know." I sighed, and my mom smiled, coming over to me and standing on her tip toes to kiss my forehead.

"Be good." She said quietly, a sad smile on her face. "And tell Bella I hope she feels better."

"I will." I said quickly, grabbing my keys and hurrying out to my car.

-----

I walked into Bella's hospital room, stopping in the doorway.

Bella was sitting on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest and silent sobs shaking her body. She must have heard me enter the room or sensed my presence, because she looked up and her watery brown eyes met mine, and she made a feeble attempt to smile at me.

"He's dead." She rasped out, before breaking down into tears again. "That son of a bitch is _dead_."

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**I'm pretty sure in my book, reviews are equal to love.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	32. Cry

**Something important! I will be editing the preface to change the date. I misinterpreted the time frame and will have to edit it. I'm just telling you this now to avoid confusion; I won't be changing it for a couple of days.**

**I saw 'Where The Wild Things Are' last night with my hubby and the rest of the man child brigade, and it was really, really good. I highly suggest that you go and see it.**

**-----**

EPOV

I stood in the doorway to Bella's hospital room, stunned. James was dead. The person who had hurt her so badly was finally dead, and she was…crying.

"Why are you crying?" I finally asked, my throat dry. Bella glanced up at me, shaking her head. But she was still crying.

"I don't know." She murmured, and I walked into the room and sat down on the bed next to her. "He's never going to hurt me again." She said quietly, almost to herself.

"No, he's not." I whispered, hesitantly putting my arm around her shaking shoulders. "It's all over, Bella." I assured her, wiping her tears away with my fingers. "I love you." I added, and Bella nodded.

"I love you too." She choked out, then leaned over and kissed me. "I'm sorry, I just can't believe this." She whispered, leaning against my side.

I remained silent, stroking her hair gently as she cried softly against my shoulder; crying for a reason neither of us could understand. The weight of yesterday's events came crashing over me suddenly, and I was bombarded with thoughts of what could have happened to Bella if Emmet and I hadn't found her.

What if he had raped her again? Touched her? Made her suffer even more?

"No one is ever going to hurt you again." I whispered against the smooth skin of Bella's forehead. "I'll keep you safe." I promised, and Bella glanced up at me, her eyes red.

"Promise?" She asked in small voice, sniffling.

I laughed softly and kissed her forehead reverently. "I promise." I assured her, and she managed a small smile.

"Thank you, Edward." She said quietly, wiping the last remnants of her tears away. "Now, everything can be normal." She murmured, snuggling against my side. "We can be normal." She whispered, and I grinned, curling my finger under her chin so I could kiss her properly on the lips.

Our kiss was intense, our lips molding together and our breaths becoming haggard.

"Excuse me." A deep voice rumpled from the doorway, and we broke apart in surprise. I glanced down at Bella and couldn't help but smile when I saw the deep pink blush spreading across Bella's adorable cheeks. "Miss Swan, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need a word with Mr. Cullen." he said, nodding towards me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, but started to stand up. Bella clung to me, and shot me a desperate look.

"No, please, can't you talk to him here?" She asked, looking pleadingly from me to the uniformed officer. "Please?" She added in a whisper, and the officer sighed.

"Fine." He grumbled, and I sat back down on the bed next to Bella while he pulled the plastic chair up next to the bed and sat down. "You are the one that found Miss Swan yesterday, correct?" He asked me, pulling out a notepad and pen.

"Yes." I answered, taking Bella's hand and intertwining our fingers. "Myself and Emmet McCarty." I added, remembering Emmet had been the one to drive me and had suggested the area. The officer nodded and scribbled something down hurriedly.

"And you and Mr. McCarty didn't know James before this…um, incident?" He asked, glancing up at me.

"I knew _of _him." I said, looking down at Bella, who shuddered a little but smiled bravely at me. "I knew what he had done to Bella before, and Emmet persuaded me we needed to find Bella before something like that happened again." I said softly, watching as the officer continued to write in his notepad.

"Do you know the cause of death?" Bella asked suddenly, and the officer peered up at her from his notepad.

"All signs point to suicide, but we're still checking out other options." He said gruffly, and Bella nodded, squeezing my hand tighter. "That's all I needed to know." The officer said, standing up. "I might be in contact with you again." He said before leaving the room abruptly.

Bella watched him go, and then turned back to me. "Will you stay for a while?" She asked, smiling slightly.

I glanced at the clock and sighed. "I have to be home by ten, but I'll stay until the last minute." I promised, and Bella broke into a big smile.

"Lay down with me." She said softly, scooting up to the top of the bed and pulling the covers down. "The medicine they're giving me makes me tired." She said, slipping her slender legs under the blankets with a little difficulty thanks to the bulky cast on her lower leg.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, snuggling up next to her and kissing her cheek as she closed her eye and leaned her head against my chest.

"Okay." She sighed, not opening her eyes. "I'm afraid, though." She said softly, sniffling a little.

"Of what?" I asked, concerned. "I promise you, no one's going to hurt you ever again."

"Of the nightmares." Bella murmured, and I tensed slightly.

"Nightmares?" I echoed, looking down at her through my eyelashes. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, but her plump lips were trembling slightly.

"Yes. I got them last time, and…" she trailed off. "I don't want them to come again. They were _terrible_." She said in a whisper. "Are you sure you can't stay any later?" She asked. "You make the nightmares go away."

Guilt instantly washed over me, and I sighed. "I'm sorry, but I can't." I murmured kissing her forehead again. "I have a pretty early curfew during basketball season."

"Oh." She whispered. "Okay. I'm going to go to sleep now. You can leave, if you want to."

"No." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around her and closing my eyes. "I'll stay until the very last second."

"Thank you." She muttered sleepily, and then her breath became slow and heavy, and her tense body relaxed in my arms.

I stayed there until five minutes before ten, and then disentangled myself from Bella's arms, kissing her cheek gently.

As I turned to leave the room, Bella suddenly let out an ear piercing, heart shattering scream.

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**Watching Desperate Housewives reruns and planning my Halloween!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	33. Nightmares

**I hope you all had a nice Halloween. I'm home sick today, so I have no idea how long this chapter will be. I'm watching an old episode of Desperate Housewives and giggling like a two year old over the line that Orson says to his mom… 'Hats off mother, for colluding in my being raped.'**

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BPOV

James. All I could see, all I could hear, all I could think about…was James. The things he had done to me were replaying over and over again in my mind, and I couldn't make them stop no matter how hard I tried.

Then suddenly all I could hear was screaming. It was a terrifying, wordless screech that drowned out all other noises and pierced my eardrums. I soon realized that it was _me_. I was the one screaming, but I didn't know why I was or how to stop.

I felt familiar arms holding me down, much like they had a few nights ago. I could feel someone whispering in my ear, but I couldn't make the screaming stop to understand what the words were. I fought, struggling to get free. I had never felt so constricted; it was like my heart was being weighed down with the rest of me. My body parts felt like weights, and I couldn't even open my eyes fully.

I could make out blurs and colors around me, but no specific shapes our faces. Everything as a blur, and it terrified me beyond belief.

Eventually, I felt a small, sharp pain in my arm and everything started moving slower. I could hear the blood pounding relentlessly in my head, and the screaming suddenly stopped. My arms, legs, and head felt unnaturally heavy, and I couldn't move anything. Just before everything went black, my vision sharpened, and I saw Edward standing next to my bed, holding my hand and looking completely terrified.

Then, a sheet of terrifying darkness. And the nightmares were gone, just like that.

-----

"You need to leave, Edward. Come home." I could hear hushed voices, but my eyelids felt like they were made of lead and my limbs felt oddly disconnected from my body.

"No. I'm staying here until she wakes up." Edward's stubborn voice met my ears, and I couldn't help but feel relieved. It had just been a nightmare, and was not reality. Edward was still here. I was okay.

"You're being ridiculous. You have a ten o'clock curfew, and it's already past eleven now. What if the coach calls to check up on you? You could be benched before the first game if you keep this up. I understand that you're concerned, but you're being a child." A soft female voice was speaking now, and it was someone I had never met before.

I fought to open my eyes, but it was impossible. They must have given me some pretty strong sedatives to knock me out like this.

"It doesn't matter, mom. I'll accept the consequences." Edward said, his voice sharp.

Oh. It was his mother, Esme Cullen. I felt strange, like I was eavesdropping on a conversation. So I took a deep breath and managed to pry my heavy eyelids open. "Edward?" I asked timidly, not wanting to startle either of them.

My eyes focused and I caught sight of Edward and a beautiful woman with blue eyes and hair the exact came shade of Edward's standing next to him with her hands planted firmly on her hips.

"Oh my god, Bella!" Edward breathed, rushing over to my side and cupping my face tenderly in his hands. "Are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked frantically, running his fingertips down the side of my face.

"I, um- I had a nightmare." I explained weakly. "I'm sorry." Edward laughed under his breath and kissed my forehead reverently.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Bella." He said softly, looking at me through his thick eyelashes.

"You should go, Edward." I said, noticing that his mother was standing uncomfortably in the doorway; her arms crossed tightly across her chest and her blue eyes glued to the wall opposite her. "You have a curfew to keep."

He sighed and looked grudgingly from me to his mother. "Are you sure?" He asked, still looking at his mother instead of me.

"I'm sure. Go get some sleep, I promise that I'll be fine." I urged him, shooting Esme Cullen a small smile. Edward noticed and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Bella, this is my mom, Esme Cullen." He said after a moment's pause, and Esme gave me a small wave.

"Hi, Bella." She said in a friendly tone. But her expression was guarded and unsure.

"Hi." I said, blushing.

The whole situation was just horribly embarrassing; having my new boyfriends mother, whom I have never met, see me like this in a hospital bed and hooked up to a whole slew of machines.

"I hope to meet you again, under better circumstances." Esme added, and I nodded.

"That would be nice." I said, blushing even brighter than before. "Bye, Edward." I said, arching my neck so that he could kiss me. He smiled endearingly and leaned down to capture my lips in a kiss far more passionate than his mother needed to see.

"Bye, love. You need to get some sleep as well." He reminded me after he pulled away. "Feel better, baby." Edward whispered, gently kissing my bandaged hand and then the tip of my nose.

I waved goodbye to Esme, and then watched as she took Edward's arm and led him out of the room. "Goodbye, Bella." Esme called over her shoulder, and then she shut the door to my hospital room behind her with a sharp _click._

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**Going to a doctor's appointment to see if I just have a bad cough or if it's bronchitis. I really hope they don't decide to give me a strep test, those make me want to cry!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	34. Friend

**For any of you who were wondering…I didn't update earlier this week because I was desperately trying to finish up my story 'Second Chances'. After 53 grueling chapters and two **_**long **_**months…it's finally finished. I'll be doing a third and final installment, but it won't be out for a week or two. **

**So sorry for not updating sooner, but I obviously had a good reason. 'Second Chances' is officially DONE!**

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EPOV

"Did you really have to kiss her like that, right in front of me?" Esme hissed the second the door to Bella's hospital room was firmly shut.

I rolled my eyes and proceeded down the hallway with my mother following close behind me. "Did you really have to be so rude to her like that, right in front of _me_?" I retorted, hitting the button for the elevator harder than I needed to.

"Stop it, Edward. I'm sure she's a lovely girl, and I know you love her, but now is _hardly_ the time." Esme sighed, exasperated. We stepped into the elevator and I hit the button for the garage, refusing to make eye contact with her.

"No, mother, _you _stop it. Let me be happy." I snapped, and then glanced over at her. Esme took a deep breath and gently placed her hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm trying, Edward…it's just so hard to see you under all of this pressure and stress. I love you." She sighed, rubbing her forehead.

I closed my eyes briefly and then pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. "I know." I replied simply, just as the doors to the elevator opened. Esme pulled away from me and wiped her eyes.

"I'll see you at home." She murmured, patting my arm awkwardly and then heading off in the direction of her car. I walked to my own car, lost in deep thought.

This was getting to be too much. The very thought that Bella might have once tried to kill herself sickened me, and the thought of James hurting her so many times made me want to punch something. She just _didn't deserve the pain_. I couldn't imagine ever hurting her in any way. Every single time I looked into her wide, chocolate brown eyes, my heart simply melted.

It was unfathomable to me how James could have looked into those eyes and then hurt her.

She had completely given herself to him, in every way imaginable. And he had taken advantage of all of that.

Bella had confided to me that she had been sleeping with James for a year before the incident in March. I didn't like the thought of that, but it was done, and there was nothing I could do about it.

So what if Bella wasn't a virgin? I wasn't, either. Sure, I hadn't _abused_ Jessica Stanley, who had been my girlfriend for five months last year. But it was basically the same thing. We had both had sex before, and it wasn't with each other.

That, of course, made me think about if, or when, Bella and I would have sex. I was, after all, a seventeen year old male specimen. I knew Bella couldn't be rushed. She had experienced such terrible situations before, and I wanted our first time to be absolutely perfect. I wanted to turn a bad thing into a good one for her.

Bella had told me how afraid she was of having sex again, and how badly James had hurt her before. I had seen the bruises and scars on her arms and body, and believed her. I couldn't push her on this, although I definitely was feeling the urge to.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted. The night's events had taken their toll on me, and I fell asleep within seconds of my head hitting my pillow.

-----

"Hey, Edward." Rosalie stood in the doorway of my bedroom, shifting restlessly from foot to foot. I paused, and then turned around to face her.

"Um…I'm getting dressed." I said, gesturing to my bare chest and pajama pants. Rosalie shrugged and came into my room; sitting on my bed cross legged.

"I don't care. I just wanted to tell you thank you." Rosalie said softly, her blonde hair forming a curtain around her face as she ducked her head and stared down at her hands in her lap.

I smiled and slipped my grey tee shirt on over my head, then came to sit next to her on the bed. "It wasn't a problem, Rose. I love you." I assured her, slipping my arm around her slender shoulders.

"I love you too." Rosalie said, leaning her head against my shoulder. "But I've been such a bitch to you…and to Bella. I feel terrible about that. I don't even know the girl and I was so cruel behind her back. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me for that."

"Go talk to her." I urged, and Rosalie squinted her blue eyes at me. "Seriously. She needs friends, Rose. All she has is me…and kind of Alice. That's it. And if you talked to her, I bet she'd be willing to put the past behind her. She's been pretty good about that."

Rosalie shrugged and swiped a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Maybe I could go today, after school Do you…do you think that would be alright?"

I nodded. "Of course. I have practice after school, so I'm sure she'd be glad to have a visitor."

"Alright." Rosalie said hesitantly, squaring her shoulders. "I'll…um…let you get dressed." She said, giving me a quick hug and then getting up and leaving the room. She paused in the doorway, looking awkward. "Thanks again. I've been a giant bitch, and I really appreciate you giving me another chance." Rosalie mumbled, her cheeks going red. She then turned on her heels and hurried away; the heels of her boots clacking noisily on the wooden floor.

Bella really did need a friend, even if it was Rosalie.

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**A bit short, but I'm super duper busy. Please review.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	35. Apologize

**Whoa, why am I updating so soon? This is so unlike me…**

**-----**

BPOV

The day seemed endless and mechanical. I got up. I ate breakfast. I went to yet another therapy session. My parents came to see me. I ate lunch. The nurse gave me a fresh round of painkillers. My vitals were taken _again_. And then, there was something different.

A uniformed police officer came into my room and told me, rather abruptly and unconcerned, that James death had been ruled as a suicide, and they would no longer need any assistance or information from me.

He left and I stared straight at the wall across from me, feeling dead inside.

I just wanted _out_. I wanted out of this damn hospital room, out of this stupid hospital gown, and back into the world. Because now it was a world in which James was unable to hurt me. I could be at peace.

Just after four, yet another unexpected guest arrived.

Rosalie Cullen. Edward's blonde, beautiful, perfect, stepsister. I knew the girl hated me; she had practically said it to my face on several occasions and Edward had reluctantly confirmed it for me. And by the way she was staring uncomfortably at me, I knew she wasn't exactly thrilled to be here visiting me. But then she stiffly walked over to the chair beside my hospital bed and gingerly sat down, crossing her legs at the ankles and primly setting her hands on her lap.

"Hi." She said eventually, her voice feminine and mature unlike Alice's musical and childish voice.

"Hi." I answered, not sure of what to do. I felt unbelievably awkward.

Rosalie glanced down at her hands, and then back up at me. "Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah…?" I answered, my voice hoarse.

"I'm really sorry." Rosalie whispered, and I gaped at her, taken aback. "I've been acting like such a giant bitch to you, and you don't deserve that." She paused, her perfectly manicured eyebrows scrunched together. "But in my defense…I'm kind of always a bitch. I'm sure Edward has told you."

I laughed quietly and Rosalie actually cracked a small smile. "But honestly…I don't know why I'm like this. In all reality, I have everything I could ever want. I have a great family, good grades, a perfect boyfriend…but do you know what I don't have?" She asked in a quiet voice, leaning forward slightly and looking me straight in the eye.

"No." I said softly, my voice still very rough and scratchy. "What?"

Rosalie sighed heavily and played with the ends of her hair uneasily. "I don't have any friends." She whispered, his eyes cloudy and dark. "I've stabbed too many people in the back, flirted with or seduced too many girls' boyfriends, and just been terrible to people that used to be my friends.

"You have Edward and Alice." I pointed out, and Rosalie scoffed.

"Alice is a social butterfly; she already has a huge group of friends. And Edward...I've really been terrible to him. I slept with the majority of his friends, ratted him out to our parents, and given him a load of crap about _you_."

"Me." I said, my voice hard and cold. It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah." Rosalie muttered, her cheeks flushed bright red. "I told him that he shouldn't be with you, and that you were too messed up."

That really hurt. Hearing that a girl I didn't even know had put me down like that to my boyfriend, her _brother_, was painful. What, she didn't think that I loved Edward? Or did she doubt that he could love me?

"But I know that he loves you, and that you love him." Rosalie said, her red lips tightly pursed. "And I know that you're not some kind of freak. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for being so rude and for judging you." She said quickly, the words flying out of her mouth. "Can…can you ever consider forgiving me? I mean, I've fucked up so much, and-"

"It's fine, Rosalie." I said, cutting her off. "I forgive you." I said simply, shrugging my shoulders as I did so. Rosalie's mouth dropped open, and she stared at me, apparently stunned.

"Seriously?" She asked bluntly, raising her eyebrows at me in disbelief. "After all I did, you can forgive me?"

I hesitated, not sure how to phrase things. "Edward is your brother, and he loves you." I finally said, glancing at Rosalie. "And I think I can give you second chance, if you're willing to give me one."

Rosalie broke out into a smile and she gently took my hand. "Thank you, Bella. That means so much to me. And maybe we could even be friends. You know…if that's okay with you." She said, and I smiled happily.

"That would be really nice. I would like that." I murmured sincerely. "After all, I don't have any friends either."

She laughed quietly, and squeezed my hand once before releasing it. "So, can I stay for awhile? We could talk, if you want."

I nodded eagerly and Rosalie smiled widely, pulling her chair a little closer to my bed. "How have you been?" She asked, diving right in.

"Okay." I shrugged, taking a deep breath. "Things have been so…messed up these past few months. I just want all this stupid crap to be over, and I want my life to be normal again. I mean, everything seems so much better now that I have Edward, and I think things between us could be really good."

"Wow." Rosalie said. "You've got it bad, girl." She laughed, and I blushed, embarrassed. "Oh, don't worry. Edward's got it bad too. I've never seen him so head over heels for _anyone_. I mean, seeing you two together…it's what made me realize that I loved Emmet, and I wanted to do more than screw around with him."

This time, _I _raised my eyebrows, and Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I wasn't in love with Emmet when we started..you know…fucking around, not even close. But then I started feeling something different, and it scared the hell out of me. I didn't realize what it was until Edward sat down and talked to me, and then I realized that I feel the same way about Emmet as Edward does for you. And trust me, Bella, he is absolutely crazy about you, no questions asked."

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**So freaking tired. I need a happy meal and more than six consecutive hours of sleep.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	36. Awkward

**Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving!**

**BTW…I have a new story out, it's called 'Chemicals'. If you have the chance, check it out. The story already has three chapters.**

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BPOV

Edward came into my room later that night, smiling easily and looking completely at ease. It was the most relaxed I'd seen him in ages, and I was thankful for that. I didn't want to see him burdened or under too much stress. Just like he didn't want to see me like that. Besides, I had some good news for him.

"I'm going home tomorrow." I said right as Edward sat down on the edge of the mattress next to me and immediately put his hand on my shoulder.

"Really?" He asked, his eyes lighting up. I nodded and smiled, and he leaned down to kiss me tenderly on the lips. "That's great, Bella. I can't wait to see you out of here. I can't wait to…to see you happy again."

"I am happy, when I'm with you." I said softly, and Edward smiled a crooked grin at me.

"I know. So are you excited to get out of here and back to your own bed? These mattresses aren't the most comfortable things in the world, huh?"

I shrugged, even though I was actually very happy- ecstatic, really- about going home. I had been in this stupid hospital for over a week, and I was sick of it. I had nothing to do except for go to therapy sessions or just sit around and read.

"So will you be coming back to school?" Edward asked, resting his hand on top of mine.

"Yeah…but not for a week or two. My mom is kind of freaking out about everything- and so am I. I think that maybe I just need…I don't know, a little rest or something. Edward nodded and I saw the twinkle in his eyes glimmer brightly.

"It's a good thing. School has been boring without you." He sighed, busying himself by kissing the tip of each of my fingers.

I rolled my eyes and tapped him on the nose, giggling. "Oh, what, I'm your drama provider? Because I think we've had enough drama these past few weeks to last us each another lifetime."

I couldn't believe how freely I was able to talk about what had happened with James. Back in March, I had been a closed book; not open to anyone. Not my parents, my friends, or even the therapist I had been seeing. It was simply to painful and held way to many bad memories that I could not bring myself to talk about or even reference. But with Edward, I knew things could be better. Because there was this look in his eyes that told me we could be happy and normal, if we gave it a shot. He listened to all my fears and worries and problems, like a normal, loving, boyfriend would.

And at this point, I was dying to be normal.

-----

Later that night, I had to get something off my mind. I had been dying to talk about it with Edward for a few days now…I just had no idea how to bring the subject up. I figured it would just be best to just open up the can of worms and simply see what happens.

"Edward?" I asked timidly, brushing his cheek with the back of my hand. We were cuddling contently in my hospital bed before he had to head home for the night, and his eyes were closed.

"Hmm?" He asked, slowly opening his eyes and smiling at me, his eyes bright and beautiful.

"I…I thought maybe we have some things to talk about." I said slowly, struggling to find the right words.

How in god's name could I bring up sex with my boyfriend of only a few months? It just felt so awkward. Edward raised his eyebrows at me, but didn't say anything.

"Do you think…" I swallowed loudly. "Do you think that maybe you and I will…um, you know…have, uh, _sex _sometime soon? Because I've been thinking about it and…I want to. I want you to-" I looked him straight in the eye and whispered my next words. "I want you to make me forget about what's happened to me. I want you to make me feel loved."

"I love you, Bella. Never forget that." Edward murmured, kissing me gently. One of his hands wound in my hair, tugging gently.

"So…soon?" I asked, feeling every bit like the hormone fueled teenager that I was.

Edward laughed quietly and kissed the top of my forehead before bringing back against his chest, his arms cradling me delicately. "Whenever you want to." He promised. "Now try and get some sleep. It's late, my love."

"Goodnight." I whispered, snuggling against his chest and squeezing my eyes shut. "I love you."

"Love you more." Edward said softly, and before I could reply, I felt my medicine kicking in completely and I drifted off into an undisturbed, dreamless sleep.

-"We all carry something with us. Of course, it's nice if we travel with someone who can help lighten the load. But usually, it's easier to just drop what we've been carrying so we can get home that much sooner assuming, of course, there will be someone there to greet us when we arrive. Why do we clutch at this baggage, even when we're desperate to move on? Because we all know there's a chance we might let go too soon."- Desperate Housewives.

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**I'm going xmas shopping downtown, so I have to get going! Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	37. Author's Note

**You know nothing good can come of a chapter alert that only has several hundred words. And this is no exception. With the holidays and my pregnancy going on, I'm just way too busy to update as much as I have previously. So just know that I probably won't be updating in the next month or so. I just finished up 'My Love, My Life', and after writing those fifty chapters, plus all the other stories I've been updating, I'm exhausted. **

**So I'm on a hiatus, for now. I will update sometimes, but it will be very scarce. I need a break. I think I've developed carpal tunnel from typing so much, and my eyes sting when I look at a computer screen. Mellie needs a good rest.**

**I hope all of you have a very happy holiday season, and I will see you all again next year.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**

**P.S. Some of you may notice that I deleted some of my stories, including 'Attempts', 'No Regrets', and 'Forbidden'. It's my personal opinion that these stories suck and I don't want them looking me in the face anymore. They are gone, I never want to see them again.**


	38. Game

**I am such a terrible updater!**

**But please hang in there with me, because I swear this story only has a few chapters left and it will be finished sometime in mid or late February. I appreciate all of your reviews and support, so thank you oh so very much!**

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BPOV

I guess that I have never really experienced a normal teenage life, because everything seems so foreign and new to me now.

I've been out of the hospital for two weeks now, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel totally at peace. I feel happy. Although I'm physically fine, except for the broken leg and nasty bruises, I have yet to return to school. Renée and Charlie say that I should give it some time and go back when I'm good and ready, but I don't know if I will ever be _completely _ready to go back.

Since what happened in March, I have felt more than an exhibit in a museum than a teenage girl. No one is holding me back anymore, but I still feel so unsure and hesitant.

Tonight, I am going to a Forks High School basketball game with Alice and Rosalie Cullen, and I'm nervous beyond belief. We're going to see Edward play, and I can't help but worry what he'll think of me coming to watch him. He doesn't know I'll be there, and how will he react, seeing me compared to the other girls from school? Will he realize how many times I been broken compared to those normal girls, and could that be the last straw for us?

Taking a deep breath, I looked in the mirror to face my appearance instead. I pulled my long hair into a ponytail and then slipped on the shirt that Alice had dropped off at house before school. It was navy blue with yellow lettering, and on the back it bore Edward's last name and basketball number, while the school emblem was on the front. Again, I wondered how Edward would react to seeing me wearing his shirt…I knew it was his thanks to the delicious smell that came along with it. Honestly, how did that boy manage to smell so good all the time?

Thankfully, I was distracted by a honking horn outside- Alice, no doubt. I ran downstairs and found my mom sitting on the couch.

"Mom, I'm going to the game at school." I said, slipping my shoes on as I spoke. "It shouldn't be too late."

"Okay, well keep your phone with you and stay with your friends." Renée instructed, standing up to plant a kiss on my forehead and give me a tight hug. "I love you, Bella. Have fun." She said, and I grinned.

"Thanks, mom. I will." I said, and then hurried out the front door, waving to Alice and Rosalie before I climbed into the backseat of their car.

Rosalie and Alice have been a sort of salvation for me. Although having Edward in my life has helped more than I can describe, it's nice to have some girlfriends to talk to nonetheless. I've never had many friends before, even in Phoenix, and it's amazing what I've been missing; just talking and laughing over things that are really just stupid and pointless and fun. I know that I've always tended to overanalyze things- being able to let go and just let my guard down feels…great.

By the time we got to the high school, the parking lot was packed and the gym was hot and overcrowded with people. The players are already warming up, and my heart wells up slightly when I catch sight of Edward very briefly through the crowd of fans.

"Come on, Bella! We need to get our seats!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing my arm and dragging me up the bleachers. As we sit down, I can tell some people are looking at me, but I just start up a conversation with Rosalie and Alice and do my best to ignore everything else. "It'll be starting in three minutes." Alice suddenly said, gesturing to the scoreboard. "Rose, let's go get some popcorn and soda. Bella, you stay here and save our seats." She directed, and the two of them disappeared before I could even protest.

I self-consciously started to bit my nails, not sure of what else to do. Now that Rosalie and Alice were gone, more people were staring and whispering. I let my hair out of my ponytail and let it hang around my face like a curtain, attempting to cover up some of the disgusting, yellowing bruises that lingered on the side of my face.

"Bella, why'd you let your hair down?" Alice reappeared with Rosalie, shoving a bottle of Coke towards me. "It looked really cute." I shrugged, and I could feel myself closing off. Alice must have sensed it too, because she gently put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed slightly. "It's okay, Bella." She murmured and then started up a conversation with her twin sister; effectively giving me the time and space I needed to let myself relax and calm down.

I never had bothered to go to a basketball game before, and two minutes into this game, I am already completely transfixed. The way the players move is fascinating to me, and my eyes are practically glued to Edward. Every single time he runs his long fingers through his hair, I don't even bother to hold back the smile that emerges on my lips. The first quarter passes quickly, and Rosalie then nudges me with her elbow. "Wave at him." She whispered, and then went back to whatever she was talking about with Alice.

Nervously, I take a deep breath and wave at Edward deliberately, hoping that he'll spot me. Luckily, he did, and I watched as his face lit up and he waved back, winking at me before returning to the game.

Several people in front of me turned around to see who Edward Cullen had been so happy to see, and I smiled smugly to myself at the girls with jealous expressions on their faces. Among them is Jessica Stanley, who I knew was Edward's ex girlfriend.

Edward Cullen wants _me_. And knowing that…it's just the best feeling in the world.

For the entire second quarter, I kept my eyes on Edward, delighting in each smile he sent my way. Then when halftime started, I started to make my way down the bleachers to throw the empty popcorn bag away, and suddenly I was in Edward's arms.

"Hey." He breathed, kissing me heatedly on the lips. I blushed slightly, thinking about all the people that could see us. "I didn't know you were coming tonight. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, and my attention focused fully on him. Before I could answer, though, he kissed me again.

"Hey yourself." I laughed when we broke apart, and neither of us let go of each other. "I wanted to surprise you and come tonight." I explained, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Alice and Rosalie brought me." I added, gesturing towards the bleachers behind me where his sister's were still sitting.

"Great." Edward said brightly, and then glanced over his shoulder. "I've gotta go, okay? Thanks for coming, baby. I'll see you afterwards. Love you."

And with that, we gave me one last peck on the lips before running off. I went back to Rosalie and Alice looking like the lovesick fool that I knew I was, and was surprised to see that Jasper and Emmet had joined then. "Hey, guys. I didn't see you come in." I said, waving halfheartedly as I sat back down.

"Hey, Bella. And I guess we snuck in when you and Edward were sucking face down there." Emmet said, capturing me in a big bear hug. "What's up?"

"Lay off the steroids, Em." I teased, laughing along with him and rubbing my arms for effect. Rosalie laughed as well and Emmet made a face, pulling his girlfriend into his arms and kissing her.

As tough and burly as Emmet looks, everyone knows that he is just a giant, huggable teddy bear.

"Hi." Jasper said, smiling easily. Jasper, Alice, and I talked for the rest of the game, only paying attention when something exciting was happening. Before I knew it, all the people around us were standing up and gathering their coats, talking loudly.

"Is it over already?" I asked, glancing over at the scoreboard. Sure enough, the game was over, and we had won in a landslide.

"Already?" Alice stuck her tongue out, linking arms with Jasper as we descended down the stairs of the bleachers. "I think the games always last _forever_." Jasper and I both rolled our eyes at that, and Emmet and Rosalie trailed behind us, holding hands and talking quietly.

"I'm taking Rose to get something to eat and then I'll take her home." Emmet said, waving at us as the two of them walked past us.

"Bye." Rosalie smiled and then tucked her head against Emmet's chest.

Jasper, Alice, and I watched them go, and then Alice and Jasper exchanged a look. "Uh, Bella…could you go find Edward and ask him for a ride? Jazz and I wanted to go for a ride, if that's okay with you, I mean."

"That's fine." I laughed, figuring out why they wanted to be alone. "Just way here, and I'll go check with Edward real quick." I said, hurrying off in search of Edward.

I caught him just as he came out of the locker room, wearing sweats and a winter coat with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and a water bottle in his hand. "Bella!" He said, kissing me and taking my hand. "Did you have fun?" He asked warmly as I led him back in the direction of Jasper and Alice.

"Oh, yeah. It was great." I said with a genuine smile. "You did good." I added, and Edward smiled at me gratefully.

"Thanks. I'm glad you had fun."

After telling Alice and Jasper I had a ride and they could go off on their own, I texted my mom and told her that Edward and I were going to hang out for a while.

And then I got in my boyfriend's car, hoping that our _alone time_ would result in what I really wanted to do with him.

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**Yes. Alone time…that means the next chapter will be a lemon.**

**Notice that this chapter was a lot longer than my usual ones. You're welcome, and please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	39. Normalcy

**Here we go…it's a nice, sweet lemon for Edward and Bella. I say they deserve it…don't you? Yes, this will be nice and fluffy with a dash of lemony goodness for you. It's a belated Christmas/New Years gift from me to you!**

**So…I found out at my ultrasound that I'm having a girl! Yay!**

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BPOV

"Edward." I half whispered, half moaned. My lips were pressed against his in an open mouthed kiss, and his hands were delicately roaming my back. He pulled away slightly, breathing heavily.

"What? Do you want to stop?" He asked, reaching up to gently pull down my sweatshirt were it had ridden up; revealing a sliver of my white skin visible above the waistline of my jeans. I shook my head, grinning as I slowly snaked my hands down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt as I did so. "Bella…" He said in a warning tone. "We're not going to be able to stop."

"I don't want to stop." I whispered, ducking my head to kiss the smooth skin of his bare, muscular chest.

Praying that he wouldn't reject me, I started to pull my shirt, which was really one of his, off. Edward didn't move, just stared at me and smiled when my lace clad breasts came into view. I had worn one of my only nice bras tonight, hoping that Edward would appreciate it. "Do you…do you want to?" I asked in a whisper, and Edward bit his lip.

"Of course I _want_ to, but are _you_ sure?" He asked in a gentle voice, touching the skin of my waist ever so slightly. "I don't want to push you or make you feel like things are moving too fast…so are you sure?"

"Yes. I love you so much, Edward. And I want you to love me. Show me that you love me." I said honestly, and Edward pulled me fully onto his lap so that my legs wrapped around his waist.

Goosebumps broke out on my skin as Edward kissed me again, his tongue moving into my mouth and massaging my own. I ran my hands through his soft, slightly damp hair and I could feel him unclasping my bra. It snapped open easily and Edward dropped it on the floor of his car.

His mouth and lips were immediately on my breasts, making me moan loudly and squeeze my eyes shut. I tightened my legs around his waist, squeezing my thighs against him.

"I do love you, Bella. So much. And I am never, ever going to hurt you, I promise." Edward swore, kissing my breasts softly and then tracing his tongue over my collarbone and up my neck. I moaned and squirmed under him, fisting my hands in his hair when his tongue traveled between my breasts, down my stomach, and dipped into my belly button.

"Then please, love me." I whispered into his ear, kissing his neck gently. His long, quick fingers moved down and unbuckled my jeans. "Backseat?" I gasped, unconsciously bucking my hips against his.

"Backseat." Edward confirmed, and I clambered over the center console, lacking quite a bit of grace as I toppled face first into the backseat. Edward chuckled quietly before joining me in the backseat and pulled me back onto his lap, careful not to put too pressure on the leg that I had broken jumping out the window. Although it was still a little sore, the break had been very small and healed fast enough and I didn't need a cast and crutch anymore.

I couldn't believe that this was finally happy, and I was so amazingly happy. So happy, in fact, that a tear slipped down my cheek.

Edward stopped kissing me immediately, wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb. "What's wrong?" He asked in a panicked voice, but I shook my head, sliding my hands under his shirt.

"Nothing, I'm just happy." I assured him, scratching my nails across the muscles in his chest and abdomen. Edward stared at me for a long moment, obviously not completely believing me. "Edward, I swear, I'm perfectly happy. I want to do this with you and only you ever again, okay?" I said sincerely, and Edward smiled, kissing me again as I pulled his shirt off and let it fall to the floor of his car.

The next minute was a flurry of undressing and labored breathing, and when Edward pulled his boxers down, I smiled and my eyes widened slightly. I had only been with one other person before, and Edward was definitely much better endowed.

"You're on the pill, aren't you?" Edward asked as he yanked my underwear down and off. I nodded, but then remembered something.

"I am, but I'm also still on antibiotics. They negate the effect of birth control pills." I said in a husky voice, wriggling slightly and yelping when his right index finger slowly slid into me. "Do you have a condom?"

Edward nodded, pulling his finger away and reaching for his jeans. I groaned at the loss of contact, and he sat back up, holding a silver condom packet. He ripped it open with his teeth and just before he went to roll it on, I stopped him.

"I want to." I murmured, blushing bright red. Edward smirked and handed me the condom. I fumbled with it slightly, but managed to slide it on correctly. He groaned when my fingers slid over his erection and then he pushed me down onto the seat gently.

"Please, if you want me to stop, just say something. If I'm hurting you or it's too much-" Edward rambled, and I held my finger up against his soft lips.

"Shh…I want this." I assured him, bucking my hips against him again, this time voluntarily, and hissing at the slight friction this provided.

Edward kissed me again, his lips sweet, soft, and gentle against my own. It was the kind of kiss that could make you melt. And then he reached down and guided himself into me, both of us groaning. I grabbed onto him, trying to pull him closer to me.

Before, sex had always been used against me; as a weapon to hurt me and leave me both physically and emotionally vulnerable. It had never once been sweet and loving and slow, and I definitely hadn't known what I was missing. But now, doing it with Edward, I completely understood the term _making love. _The way he touched me, moved within me, and kissed me let me know that he truly did love me, and he was expressing it through this.

And as I felt myself contracting around him, the pure bliss that took over my body was indescribable. Seeing him fall apart seconds later was magical, because I knew that he was losing control of himself because of _me_.

I'm not a normal girl. I'm not sure if I ever will be. But lying here in the backseat of Edward's car, naked and cuddling against his slightly sweaty body, I realized that if this was so different and not normal, I'd take it. Because what I had just experienced was worth everything and meant everything to me.

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**What did you think?**

**Quite sweet and fluffy, yes?**

**So please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	40. Wrong

**Um…just to answer a big question- They had sex in a car because they had nowhere else to go; both their houses were off limits. And even though they're so sweet to each other and are in love, they are still just hormonal teenagers underneath it all. Some of you didn't really like that, which is no big deal, so I just wanted to explain why it was like that ;)**

**I hope you're all having a nice 2010 so far!**

**Oh, and if you're ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY READ A/N's…I got this in an email and it was very motivational (not sure if that's really the word I want…). You just complete the sentence with what you will do in the year of 2010. So mine is…'In 2010, I will- become a parent'. What about you?**

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BPOV

I should be happy. I _deserve _to be happy at this point. So why am I so _un_happy all of a sudden? Last night was easily the best thing that had ever happened to me; without a single doubt in the world. And there was no way I would ever regret it. Everything had been absolutely perfect, especially Edward, and I could not imagine anything better.

But this morning, I had woken up in bed, feeling worse than I have in a long time. My weak leg is more sore than usual, my head was killing me, the faint, healing bruises on my face were throbbing slightly, and I felt just plain old disgusting. I _look_ disgusting, too. My hair is all ratty and greasy and tangled, my eyes are bloodshot and heavy, and even my bruises look worse against my pale, gaunt skin.

How had Edward even looked at me last night, let alone had sex with me? I look horrible and flat out ugly.

Dropping back onto my bed, I reach for my iPod, and then decided I didn't want it. I didn't want to listen to music or read or do homework, or even talk to Edward. I simply want to lay in bed all day and feel sorry for my ugly self.

So I do. All day. I ignored all calls on my cell phone and told Renée to leave me alone, and that I didn't want to see anyone. She had been alarmed at first, insisting I unlock the door and let her take me to the damn therapist again, but I refused, insisting I just wasn't feeling well.

The seconds and minutes and then the hours dragged on into the afternoon, and I could now hear voices from downstairs. Eventually, there was a soft knock on my door. "Honey?" It was Renée. "I know you don't want to be bothered, but Edward's here…can't he come in?" I rolled my eyes, knowing she wanted him to talk me out of my bad mood.

I thought for a moment, and then decided against it. "No." I croaked, pulling my blankets up to my chin. "Both of you just leave me the hell alone!" I shouted, picking up one of my books and throwing it at the door with a loud, dull _thump_.

There was another soft knock on the door, and this time Edward spoke and I heard footsteps going down the stairs. "Love? Renée went downstairs…can't I please come in? I just want to talk- you haven't been answering your phone and I was worried." Edward said, and I sighed loudly. There was no way I would ever be able to resist his beautiful velvet voice.

"Fine. Edward, you can come in." I said gruffly, getting up and unlocking and opening the door to my room. "What?" I snapped when I came face to face with Edward. He recoiled slightly, a surprised look washing over his face.

He walked into the room and shut the door behind him before going down to sit on the edge of my bed. "Are you okay?" Edward asked softly, reaching out to grab my hand. I pulled away on reflex, and his face fell. "Bella, is something wrong?" He asked in a low voice. I shrugged absentmindedly, tracing the _J_ tattoo on my collarbone with the tip of my index finger.

"What do you want, Edward? Because I am really not in the mood to talk or anything." I said shortly, although I had no idea why I was acting like this.

"I just thought that maybe you would want to talk about what happened last night." Edward explained, and my heart started to sink.

"Do you regret it?" I asked bluntly, sitting down on the bed as well- careful not to touch him. "Do you regret having sex with me?"

Edward stared at me, his brow heavily furrowed. "Bella, no, of course not. I love you; there's no way I would ever regret having sex with you. It was really, truly amazing." Edward said in a low, huskily voice. "Why, do you?"

"No." I admitted in a whisper.

"Then what's going on?" Edward asked in a sharper voice, and I shrugged my shoulders at him, refusing to look him in the eye. "Don't do this. Why are you doing this?" He asked roughly. Once again, I just shrugged. "Stop fucking doing that and just talk to me." Edward said with a little anger in his voice. I leaned back slightly, not wanting to make him mad. "I'm sorry." He said, his voice softening. "I just want to talk to you." He murmured, reaching for my head again with hesitance.

This time I let him take my hand for a moment before I pulled away and stood up. "I'm sorry, I can't do this right now." I whispered, tears filling my eyes quickly. "Just go. Please, just _go_." Edward stared at me for a long moment, and then he left the room without another word, leaving me to collapse back onto my bed and let the tears fall down my face. I protectively clutched my arms around myself, trying not to sob.

Why was this happening to me? It was only hours ago that I felt as if I were on top of the world, and now I felt beat down and utterly pathetic. I didn't know why, either. It wasn't because of Edward- he had been so sweet and loving and wonderful, only a little impatient with me, which he probably should be. It wasn't because we had sex, either. It had been unbelievably and totally perfect. That only left one thing.

Me.

There was something wrong with me. Something other than the depression, like the doctors had thought. I knew a lot about depression, and typically it wasn't like this. I don't have any idea what could be happening to me. But it was something bad, that much I could tell.

And it was terrifying.

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**Please review, it is much appreciated!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	41. Break

**Got some awesome songs on my iPod tonight. Have you heard the DJ Earworm United States of Pop 2009? It's an amazing mash up of Billboard's top 25 songs of 2009. You can download it for free from DJ Earworm's website!**

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EPOV

I should be angry. I should be _pissed_ that Bella acted like that, but I couldn't make myself be mad at her. Usually, I would blow up. But the look in her eyes had told me that she wasn't acting differently voluntarily, but that something was really wrong. I remembered what Carlisle had told me when Bella was in the hospital, about how Bella had once tried to commit suicide.

But this was more than that. Depression was a very serious thing, but that wasn't what this was, even I could see that.

I wanted nothing more but to be there with her, but if she didn't want me there…I wasn't going to push myself on her. Bella had delicate boundaries, and although they hadn't seemed to matter in the past, I had to be careful. I didn't know why, but the boundaries were obviously there for some reason.

"Edward? Is something wrong?" Esme came into the kitchen, where I was attempting to do some of my homework.

"No." I sighed, tapping my pen against my lower lip.

Esme nodded, coming to the table and sitting down next to me. She placed her hand on my arm and squeezed gently. I knew that I couldn't ask for a better stepmother, but sometimes I wish Esme would just leave me alone. But I guess that was just the maternal instinct in her. "How is…um, how is Bella doing?" She asked awkwardly, and I shoved my shoulders.

"She's okay, I guess." I muttered, refusing to look Esme in the eyes.

"You got home pretty late last night." Esme said nonchalantly, releasing her grip on my arm. "What were you doing?"

"Uh, Bella and I went for a drive." I said scrawling something down in my homework.

Esme stared at me for a long moment, and when I finally met her blue eyes, I knew that _she_ knew what Bella and I had done last night. "Edward, did you and Bella have sex?" She asked bluntly. I nodded my head stiffly, and Esme sighed heavily, putting her arm around my shoulders and leaning her head against my arm. "Do you really think that was a good idea?" Esme asked softly.

"I don't know." I admitted, putting my head in my hands. "She wanted to. Bella…Bella said that she wanted to forget about James and move on. She said she wanted me to love her…and I did. But I went over to her house earlier this afternoon, and I don't know what happened. It's all different, and I can't figure out why." I blurted out, and Esme was silent for a moment.

"Edward, I know how much you love that girl, and I know these past months have been so hard for the both of you. But have you ever considered that maybe there is something _wrong _with Bella?" Esme asked gently, and I gaped at her.

The second my stepmother suggested something was wrong with _my_ Bella, I immediately felt anger flaring up in my body. But then when I actually considered what Esme was saying…I understood. Relieving my memories of the past several months, I wanted to kick myself for not noticing something earlier. I had no idea what could be wrong, but I knew it was serious. But how did I tell Bella something like that?

"_Hey, I love you, but I think you've got problems?"_

Even I knew that wouldn't end well. Esme squeezed my arm one last time before standing up, smoothing down her shirt, and kissing the top of my head. "I know you'll be the right thing." She murmured, and then left the room.

BPOV

They say there is always a straw to break the camel's back. Is this it? Is this what you would call something like this? How could I have been living for seventeen years with this? How could I have not realized earlier? Now, I had dragged Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and even their parents into this mess.

Dear God…I can't believe this. I'm not even processing this, I don't think. So many things are running through my head so fast, I can't even figure out what I should do next. Should I call Edward? Or should I just…sit? I can't even make this _one _decision, and compared to what the rest of my life would be like, this decision should be a fairly simple one.

I'll let Renée call him.

EPOV

I hadn't wanted to believe Renée when she had called me. But then she had gone into a rushed explanation, and said that Bella did want to see me.

When I got to her house, I steeled myself for the worst, but what I saw still hurt; cutting me to the core.

Her face was expressionless, gazing off into space. Her brown curls had been tamed into a sloppy ponytail at the nape of her neck, and her eyes were focused on something in the distance. Bella's head rested on her mother's lap, and Renée was tenderly stroking her daughters pale cheek. When I quietly closed the door behind me, Renée looked up. Bella, however, did not.

"She had a rough day today." Renée whispered at my concerned expression. I sank to my knees in front of Bella and slowly moved a strand of hair from her face before running my thumb gently down her cheek. "I'll leave you two alone. Just holler if you need something." Renée's tone dropped as she stood up and whispered in my ear.

"Don't bring up her doctor's appointment. Not today." I nodded and Renée left the room, casting one last glance as Bella's huddled form. I moved slowly, sinking into the spot Renée had previously occupied and eased Bella's head onto my lap.

We sat in silence for a long time; me stroking her hand and occasionally playing with her hair. Finally, I found the courage to speak.

"How do you feel?" I asked quietly. Bella shifted a little and looked at me for the first time since I had come over. Her brown eyes looked worn, and her lips seemed set in a permanent frown.

"Shitty." She admitted, her voice cracked and hollow. Her fingers intertwined with mine and she sighed; a low, mournful sound.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella shook her head stubbornly and sat up, wincing and rubbing her forehead.

"Head rush. And no. I don't want to talk about it." She explained in a hoarse whisper. Without further hesitation, she slid onto my lap and I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her tightly to my chest. "I'm sorry." She whispered into the crook of my neck. I felt dampness against my neck and realized she was crying.

"Shh, Bella, it's fine." I assured her, lifting her head with my chin and using the cuff of my shirt to dry her tears. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You don't have to pretend. I understand." Bella said in a monotone voice, fixing her eyes on the floor.

"No one here is pretending, baby. I love you." No matter how many times I whispered those words in her ear, she always found a way to doubt them.

"The doctor gave me new medicine." She whispered. "He says I'm bipolar." I felt my heart sink and let a tear escape down my cheek before wiping my eyes. How many more things would Bella have to endure? Depression, bipolar disorder, physical abuse, verbal abuse, _sexual_ abuse…..what now? What else could come along and shatter Bella any further?

"I love you." I whispered against her cheek, placing kisses over the tears that fell freely down her face. Bella only whimpered a little and clung tighter to me, closing all space between us, like we were fused together.

I didn't want to let her go ever again. This was not going to change things.

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**Yep, we've reached this point! There isn't much left to the story now, maybe ten chapters or less.**

**Please review, and tell me what you think!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	42. Christmas

**I'm watching Friends re runs! I loved this television show soo much! I have all ten seasons on DVD, and sometimes I just need to watch them and remember how amazing it was.**

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EPOV, December 25, 2009:

"Merry Christmas, Bella." I said with a smile, handing her the present that I had asked Esme to wrap for me. I was truly terrible at wrapping presents. Bella smiled weakly at me as I sat down next to her on the living room floor in my house.

"Merry Christmas." She murmured, allowing me to kiss her cheek.

Things had been overly complicated over the past few weeks since Bella had received her diagnosis. I wasn't allowed to touch her anymore, at least not without her permission. It was agitating, but I understood. I had gone along with Bella to several of her therapy sessions, and the doctor had actually helped.

Apparently Bella was hovering between times of normalcy and times in which she was reliving her past relationship with James. When she was remembering James, she was extremely skittish and jumpy, and I usually couldn't even be around her. She was too scared, too frightened, and too fragile. I was supposed to leave her alone when she was like that.

And even when she was feeling normal, she was still distant. But I knew that it was all part of the healing process.

She wasn't on medication- yet. The doctor was still attempting to find out what kind of treatment would be best for her. So I was being patient.

Now, Bella was at my house, spending Christmas with my family. She had spent yesterday with her mother, and today she would spend all day with us. Carlisle and Esme were perfectly friendly, thank goodness, and Alice and Rosalie acted the same, they just toned things down slightly. I was glad Bella had befriended my stepsisters, but I knew that sometimes, they could be a little too much.

"Bella, do you want some hot chocolate?" Esme asked, holding a glass out to Bella.

"Yes, please." Bella said with a small smile. "Thank you." She said, carefully taking the mug and taking a small sip. "Mmm, this is really good." She said, smiling wider. "Try it." She murmured to me, putting the glass up to my lips. I took a small drink and nodded, smiling at Bella when I saw that her eyes were much brighter now.

"It is. Thanks, mom." I said to Esme, who smiled and settled down onto the couch next to Carlisle. "Open your present." I urged Bella as everyone else started to dig into all the presents that were clustered around the tree. I crossed my legs and Bella moved to sit in front of me, leaning back against my chest. I smiled, glad that she was feeling more open today, and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her soft brown hair. "Come on, open it." I persisted, and Bella rolled her eyes before ripping the wrapping paper off the small, rectangular shaped box.

Her eyes widened slightly when she cracked the red box open, and then she turned her head to peck me on the lips. "Thank you, Edward. I love it." She said sweetly. "Won't you help me put it on?"

I laughed quietly, taking the necklace out of the box and unclasping it as she held her thick hair up off her neck. Shortly after her diagnosis, she had gotten her hair cut to right above her shoulders, saying that she never wanted her hair to be pulled again. I hadn't said anything about that, knowing it had to do with James. I put the necklace around Bella's neck and clasped it carefully, kissing the back of her neck before she dropped her hair back down.

"I love you." Bella said quietly, kissing me on the lips again.

"I love you too." I said, kissing her nose before she turned around again.

BPOV

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, and after we finished exchanging presents, Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and I went outside in the snow. Edward and I built a snow fort together, while Alice and Rosalie had a snowball fight. Edward and I cuddled together in our snow fort, kissing chastely and rubbing our frozen noses together.

Before long, we decided to head back inside, where Esme gave us more hot chocolate and left us alone in the kitchen.

"How do you feel today?" Edward asked, taking a long drink.

"Okay, I guess. Better than yesterday." I said, looking down at the mug in my hands. "Being with you really helps sometimes." I admitted, and Edward smiled a little sadly.

He took my hand and kissed it gently, his eyes soft and warm as he looked at me. "I'm glad, Bella. Are you nervous to be going back to school?" Edward asked conversationally, not letting go of my hand.

"I am nervous, but I know that it's time for me to go back. Besides, at least I'll have you and Rose and Ali, right?" I asked, taking a small sip of my hot chocolate. "Having you guys around will make it easier, I'm sure. Even Dr. Weber thinks the three of you are really helping."

Edward smiled widely at me. "Good…we'll be there for you, love. I promise." He said in a serious voice. "But that reminds me…has Dr. Weber put you on a medication yet?" He asked casually, and I stiffened for a moment before shaking my head.

I knew that I needed to talk to Edward about these things, but it was hard to do so. I hated that he had to deal with all my problems and mood swings and insecurities and doctors appointments. I loved him even more for putting up with all of that, and I was trying my hardest to let him completely into my life.

We hadn't had sex again since our first time. I just couldn't get back to that place…not now. It was hard enough for me to kiss him and touch him, but having sex…that would just be impossible for me until things settled down.

-----

"I'll see you tomorrow." Edward said, leaning against the doorframe of the front door, holding my hands. Our fingers were intertwined and we were standing only inches apart. "Alice and Rosalie want us to go sledding with them."

"Sounds good." I said, kissing him softly. "I love you." I said in a soft voice, and Edward grinned at me, his beautiful green eyes sparkling.

"I love you too, Bella."

Everyone says that love hurts. But that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Being used hurts. Everyone confuses these things with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel _wonderful _again.

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**Please review.**

**  
And aren't you glad I updated so soon? Less than twenty four hours, baby!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	43. School

**This story is wrapping up, we've only got a couple more chapters left. My translator for this story, , is on vacation, so if you want to read this story in Spanish, you'll have to wait until she gets back.**

**I have been so good with my updating this weekend, especially with this story in particular. This is the third update this weekend for this story, I believe. Please forgive me if this is a bit short, but no matter what I have to have this uploaded by ten (central time) so that I can have brunch with my hubby, and then I will have to go into work for a few hours this afternoon.**

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BPOV, December 26, 2009:

"Ready?" Edward whispered huskily in my ear, gripping both of my hands tightly. I was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his muscular chest. I bit my lip but smiled, nodding my head at Edward. "Okay…" He said with a devilish smile, and then picked up his right foot quickly, taking it away from the snowy ground where it had been anchoring us and allowing our sled to go flying down the hill.

I shouted briefly, but by that time, we were already at the base of the hill. As I turned my body to kiss Edward, we both toppled over into the snow, laughing. "You made me fall over." I said in an accusatory tone, speaking against Edward's soft lips.

"No, you made me fall over." Edward laughed, kissing me softly as we still laid in the cold snow. "Well, Miss Swan, how was your first ever sledding experience?" He asked, sitting up and pulling me along with him.

"Wonderful." I said coyly. "But my boyfriend made me fall." I pouted, and he rolled his eyes but then grinned. "Can we go down again?" I asked, gesturing to the hill.

We were sledding behind the Cullen's house, and Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were sledding down a bigger hill on the other side of the huge yard while we had opted to choose the smaller hill. It had several advantages, though. I had never been sledding before, having lived the majority of my life in Arizona, so the smaller hill had seemed to be a much safer choice. Plus, it was wonderfully secluded. But on the negative side, I wasn't very comfortable with Emmet and Jasper anymore. They were very nice, but I had a hard time being close to any men other than Edward, my doctor, and even Edward's father, who had recommended that Edward and I go to my therapy sessions _together_.

"Sure." Edward said with a laugh, pressing a soft kiss to my neck and then getting to his feet before pulling me up as well. We dragged our sled back up the hill, and spent the rest of the morning going up and down that hill together, laughing and shouting.

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"Jesus, Bella, your hands are frozen." Edward said, rubbing my hand in between his, trying to warm me up. "Did you get snow in your gloves or something?" He asked, and I shrugged my shoulders, using my free hand to take a bite of the sandwiches Esme had made for all of us.

"Probably. I wasn't really paying attention." I said, and winked at him.

Alice, who was sitting next to me at the table, laughed and nudged me with her elbow. "What in the world were you two doing?" She asked, just as Carlisle walked back into the kitchen. She caught sight of her father and lowered her voice to a stage whisper. "We can talk more about this later." Alice teased, and Carlisle narrowed his eyes at us playfully.

"Bella, you have my permission to slap Alice whenever you need to." Carlisle said, winking at me and gently patting my shoulder as he walked past the table where we were seated.

"Gee, thanks, dad." Alice said, making everyone else laugh.

The six of us ate, discussing the simplest and most basic of things as we did so. Although Emmet and Jasper's presence made me a little jumpy, I had to keep telling myself that things were going to be fine. I knew my life would never really be _easy_, but if I could hold onto my sanity for long enough, I could at least manage to be happy.

"Come on, let's go upstairs." Edward murmured as soon as we finished eating.

"Ooh." Emmet said, smirking and raising his eyebrows suggestively. "Be safe, okay?" He teased, and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Screw you, Emmet." Edward said, sticking his tongue out at Emmet before grabbing my hand and waiting for me to stand up.

Everyone burst into laughter as Edward and I headed upstairs. "Ugh. They drive me crazy." Edward said, closing the door to his bedroom and then sitting down on the floor. "Come here." He said, holding his arm out to me. I walked over to him, dropping onto his lap and putting my arms around his neck.

"Thanks." I said, and he didn't bother asking me to clarify. I was thankful to him for everything.

BPOV, January 4, 2010:

"I'm scared." I admitted, gripping Edward's hand tightly as we sat in the school parking lot.

Edward stroked my cheek gently, his lips set in a hard line. "It's going to be fine, Bella. No one's going to bother you." He said, before reaching into the backseat and handing me my book bag. Edward had informed me that he would be taking me to and from school from now on, and that Emmet had agreed to take both Rosalie and Alice. He called it our 'escape' from his two vivacious stepsisters. "Love, I'm right here." Edward said in a serious tone. "Nothing is going to happen, I promise."

I bit my lip, but Edward reached out his index finger and pushed down on my lower lip. "Stop biting, you'll draw blood." He muttered, and then kissed me softly on the lips. "Let's go." He said, exiting the car and opening the passenger side door for me.

Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car and walked alongside Edward into the school, keeping my head ducked and letting my shorter hair fall in my face. As we reached the door to the school, Edward grabbed my hand firmly, lacing our fingers together. "It's going to be okay." Edward assured me, and then pushed the door open.

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**What do you think? I had to add some fluffy moments in there…I thought that Edward and Bella deserved it after everything they've gone through. Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	44. First

**I had quite the busy week, what about you?**

**This story is wrapping up, as well as one of my other stories 'Letting Go'. I've also got about a billion different ideas for other stories, but there is no way I'm going to be starting those anytime soon. And by the way, my stories 'Painted', 'Protecting Us', and 'Secret' are still on hiatus. I'm trying to wrap up other stories before continuing with those.**

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BPOV

The instant we walked into the school building, I felt sick. Edward gripped my hand tighter, and I felt like the walls of the building were closing in around me. I took deep breaths, trying to remain in my 'happy place'. I had to come to school. I had to finish up my senior year, and then I could get out of here.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your locker and your first class." Edward murmured, steering me in the direction of my locker. Until that moment, I had completely forgotten that we only had one class together, and that wasn't until this afternoon. I exhaled loudly as I made this realization, and Edward gently kissed my forehead. "It's going to be fine." He assured me, although his eyes were a little worried.

"Okay." I said in a low voice, ducking my head as we passed a big cluster of girls walking down the hallway. Everything was suddenly quiet in the hallway, and I peeked out of the corner of my eye to see Edward's jaw clench. "Let's just go." I whispered, and he visibly relaxed, giving me a tight smile and then proceeding the rest of the way to my locker.

Since I had been doing school work at home, I was pretty caught up. There were a few tests I still needed to make up, but I would be doing that after school. Edward waited patiently for me to grab the books I needed, and after I shut the door to my locker, he leaned in and gently kissed me on the lips, and for those few seconds, I felt like all my worries were melting away. After our kiss broke, Edward grabbed my armful of books and we joined hands again, lacing our fingers together, and Edward and I walked slowly to my next class.

I don't think either of us really wanted to be separated at a time like this. We reached the doorway, and Edward reluctantly handed me back my pile of books. "Love you." He murmured, kissing me chastely on the cheek.

Taking yet another deep breath, I managed to smile back at him. "Love you too." I said softly. "Now get to class." He nodded, pursing his lips and giving me one last long look before turning away, hunching his broad shoulders, and walking off in the other direction. He looked back at me about halfway down the hallway, and I blushed as our eyes met. He winked at me before turning back around and disappearing down the hallway.

The warning bell rang loudly, causing me to jump slightly and hurry into my classroom.

I kept my head down, quickly walking down one of the aisles of desks and sliding into a seat in the back. I could feel people staring at me, but I still focused on the books in front of me, biting my bottom lip. That is, until someone slid into the seat next to mine. "Hi." The man's deep voice made me tense up, and I didn't look up. "You're Bella, right? How have you been?"

"Fine." I said shortly, finally looking up to see a blonde guy with a friendly smile sitting next to me. Mike, I think his name was.

"I…um, I heard about what happened." He said awkwardly. "I hope you're okay." And with that, he stood back up and hurried to the seat he had been sitting in earlier.

I stared after him for a moment, not sure what to take from that brief conversation. I finally looked away from him, noticing that other people were literally turned around in their seats, staring at me openly. The final bell eventually rang, and the teacher finally hurried into the classroom. I hoped she wouldn't say anything to or about me, but no such luck. She glanced around the room, her eyes landing on me almost instantly.

"Miss Swan? Here, I have some more of your missed assignments." She said, gesturing to several papers sitting on the corner of her desk.

I reluctantly stood and made my way to her desk, blushing bright red and staring down at my feet.

Even before this, I really hated drawing attention to myself. Now, it was even worse. It was even harder still because I didn't know what my trigger was. People who have bipolar disorders are set off by triggers. It can be anything, really, but it's usually related to something traumatic. Because of everything I have been through lately, my therapist and I are still trying to find what can trigger my manic episodes and periods of depression. And since we aren't sure about my triggers yet, it's hard to find a good treatment plan. I just have to hope that nothing sets me off until that finally happens.

I took the assignments from the teacher, tucking them under my arm and walking back to my seat, not looking a single one of my classmates in the eye, although I know all of them are looking straight at me. The room is deathly silent, and the only sound is the noise that my footsteps make on the tile floor.

Once I sat back down in my seat and put my assignments in my folder, the teacher cleared her throat and started the lesson, and everyone finally focused on someone other than me.

By the time my other two classes pass and lunch finally starts, I am aching to see Edward. Hurrying into the lunchroom, I spot him sitting with Rosalie, Emmet, Jasper, and Alice. I walked over to the table, a little wary of Emmet and Jasper. I feel bad for being so weird around them, but I know Carlisle talked to them and explained things, which I am thankful for. Neither of them have wronged me in any way.

My face lights up when I make eye contact with Edward, and so does his.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever get over Edward's overall perfectness and stop being so affected by him. But then I remember that I really like the way that just one smile from him gives me butterflies and makes me feel like I'm a normal teenager.

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**I know I suck for making this chapter short. But it's only nine o'clock and I am freakishly tired, so I'm hitting the showers and heading off to bed. Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	45. Memories

**I was planning to update a little sooner, but I've been way too busy yet again. Review, pretty please!**

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BPOV

On our ride home, I absentmindedly ran my fingernails over Edward's arm as he drove. He smirked at me and took one hand off the steering wheel; capturing my small hand in his large one. "Are you okay?" Edward asked, not looking away from the road. "I know today was a really big deal for you."

"I'm fine." I said quietly, gazing out the window. "It's just that…tomorrow will be a year from the first time…" I paused for a moment, trying to contain myself. "It's been a year since the first time James, um, _raped _me." I explained in a low voice. "I'm trying not to think about it, but please, just know that tomorrow is going to be a weird day for me. I think that you should just ignore whatever I do or say tomorrow, because I'm not going to be, you know, myself." I finished, and Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Will you be coming to school?" He asked, glancing at me quickly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess it just depends. Will you come over tomorrow before school anyway? Please?" I asked, and Edward chuckled.

"Of course I will, Bella. I don't think I'll be able to stay away from you." He said sweetly, just as we pulled up to my house. He glanced up to the house, where Renée was watching from the window. "I better go, love. I don't want to push my luck with Renée any further." Edward said, gesturing to the house and then kissing me lightly on the lips; his other hand cupping my chin.

Nodding, I glanced up to the window as well. "You can come in." I said softly, not letting go of his hand. "Renée legitimately likes you- she told me that after I got out of the hospital. And Charlie does too, believe it or not.

Edward raised his eyebrows, obviously very surprised. "Hmm…Renée, I could have guessed. But I've actually met Chief Swan's expectations to date his only daughter?" He kissed me again, and I blushed slightly. His hand was still on my chin after our soft kiss broke.

"Well, his expectations aren't exactly very high after my last boyfriend." I reminded him softly, and Edward's face hardened slightly. We were both silent for a long moment, and I knew that Renée was still watching us. "Come on, Edward. Please come inside…I'll ask Renée if you can stay for dinner." I kissed his nose gently. "Please?" I asked again, and Edward smiled at me again, his green eyes warm and comforting.

"Of course." He said, getting out the car and opening my door for me just as I reached for the handle. "So, how was your day?" He asked as we walked up to the house hand in hand.

I shrugged again, opening the front door and kicking off my shoes and hanging up my jacket. Edward did the same, still looking at me questioningly. "It was okay." I said as we walked into the living room where Renée was waiting.

"Bella, Edward!" She greeted us warmly, quickly sitting down on the couch. "Bella, how was your day?" She asked right away.

"Like I told Edward, it was fine." I said simply, and Edward and I sat down on the couch next to Renée. "A lot of people were staring at me and stuff like that, but no one said anything. No one at all. It was…kind of normal." I said softly, leaning my head against Edward's shoulder and turning the television on.

Edward smiled softly and started playing with my hair as he and I both watching what was on the television. "No one at all?" He asked curiously as Renée got up and quietly left the room, giving us some privacy.

"Um…Mike Newton talked to me." I remembered. "But that was all. He was nice, though. I promise. All he said was that he knew what had happened to me, and that he hoped I was okay." I explained, and Edward visibly relaxed. "Edward, I swear that I would tell you if someone did say something. You know that, right? I tell you everything." I said, and Edward planted a soft kiss on the top of my head.

I smiled happily as Edward then wrapped his arms around me, now paying more attention to me than to the television. "Good, I'm glad." He said softly. "And listen…tomorrow, I can take the day off from school. You don't have to be alone on such a hard day." I started to protest, but Edward cut me off. "Sweetheart, please let me do this. I want to be there with you." He said, and I took a deep breath.

Now that I thought about it, having Edward really would help. But I still didn't want him to miss anymore school because of me. "Only if you really want to." I relented, and Edward grinned.

"I really want to." He assured me, and then we refocused on the television.

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I knew that I would most likely feel different when I woke up in the morning, but hadn't expected things to be so sudden. It was six in the morning, and as I stared up at the ceiling, replaying horrifying events in my mind, I knew that school would not be an option. There was no way I would be able to make it. So I rolled over and picked up my phone from my nightstand, quickly texting Edward and telling him that I wasn't going to school.

Then my mom came in the room, her face drawn and pinched. "Are you okay, baby?" She asked softly, and I nodded, pulling my blanket tighter around me. "Do you want-"

"Mom, I just want to be alone." I said softly, turning my head away from her. "But if Edward comes, please send him in. He can come in." I murmured, and then pulled the blanket over my head and tried to drown out all of the terrible memories running through my mind.

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**Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	46. Church

**We're not too far from the end…things are dragging on a little more than I thought they would, but there aren't that many chapters left.**

**I'm still on bedrest, and I kind of hate it. But I basically just sleep the entire day.**

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BPOV

"Hey, baby." Edward said softly, opening the door to my bedroom slowly and peeking his head inside. "Can I come in?" I glanced up at him, still cocooned in my comforter and blankets. He was wearing his basketball sweats and his hair looked a little damp, and he looked extremely tired.

I nodded, scooting over slightly. "Come here." I whispered, and he slowly made his way over to my bed, closing the door to my bedroom behind him. Edward slid into my small bed, and his warm, familiar scent engulfed my senses. He was careful not to touch me too much, but I did leaned my head against his chest while arching my body away from him slightly. "Did you skip school?"

He _hmmed_ quietly, nodding his head. "I wanted to be here with you." He explained softly, and then hesitantly kissed the top of my head. I tensed up slightly, but didn't pull away. "I love you, Bella. I'm never going to let you get hurt again, okay? I'm going to make you happy for the rest of the life, if you'll let me." Edward said in my ear, his breath tickling the back of my neck.

"I love you too." I said softly, squeezing my eyes shut. "And I want to be with you, no matter what." I assured him. "I don't want my problems to get in the way of what we have, okay? No matter what I do or say, I love you so much." I whispered, and Edward sighed loudly.

"I know. I'm not going to judge you for anything." Edward said, and I turned around on my side to face him.

Reluctantly, I buried my head into his chest and took a deep breath. "Look, this is going to sound really weird and twisted and messed up, but can you please take me somewhere? I don't feel like driving anywhere and I feel like this is something that I really need to do."

"Bella, I'll take you anywhere." Edward said, sitting up slightly and gently picking me up as well. "Where do you want to go?"

"I want you to take me to church." I said in a soft voice, peeking up at him. "There are just some things I want to do…it won't take very long."

Edward scrunched his eyebrows up for a moment and then got out of bed, holding his hand out to me. "Let's go." He said, and took his warm hand, and even though I felt like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders, his soft, loving touch was making me feel better. It amazed me that even when I was like _this_, he could still love me, and I could still love him. It was a little harder to be around him, but I still _wanted _to.

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The church on the outskirts of town was completely empty. Edward parked out front, and then took my hand as we walked inside. I instantly walked over to where the pray candles were and knelt down in front of them. Edward awkwardly knelt down next to me, keeping his hand in a tight but soothing grip around mine. My free hand was shaking, but I managed to light one of the candles.

I knew who this was for, and so did Edward. But I wasn't about to say _his _name.

"You were a terrible, terrible person." I said after a while in a low, gruff voice. "I thought I loved you, but I was really just _afraid _of you. I don't know what kind of person does that to another person…all I know is that you were horrible basically every single way. But watching you hurt me and use me and walk out of my life hasn't made me completely bitter or cynical about love and relationships, but it has actually shown me that if I wanted so badly to be loved by the wrong person…when the right person came along," I softly squeezed Edward's hand. "It was going to be beautiful and perfect. And now I've found someone who actually loves me for _me_ and who I am, not what I can give physically."

Edward kissed the top of my head again, and I heard him inhale sharply. "I hope you rot in hell." I finished with a snarl, and Edward nodded along with me. He stood up and helped me up as well, his expression fairly neutral.

"Come on, Bella." He said softly. "I think we need to get out of here." I nodded and we walked out of the church quickly, getting into his car and not looking back. "Did that make you feel any better?" He asked, and I nodded, staring straight ahead and wrapping my arms around myself.

"I have a therapy session at three." I said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "Do you want to come with me?"

He hesitated for a moment, looking at me with a guilty look on his face. "I was supposed to go back to school at two o'clock so that I wouldn't miss practice…" He said, running one of his hands through his hair. "But I want to come with you, so I'll skip it." Edward said easily.

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Of course I'm sure, Bella. I've told you before that I'm going to be here for you every step of the way." Edward said empathetically as we pulled up to my house. "Let's go inside until we need to go. Do you want to watch television or something?"

I shook my head without even thinking about it. "I just want to sleep, okay?"

Edward nodded, and then kissed me sweetly on the lips. "Okay."

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**Aw…so sweet. Now please review for me!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	47. Finale

**Can anyone say…FINALE? Well, it's pretty much an epilogue, seeing as it jumps ahead in time. **

**I cannot express how much I appreciate all of the amazing support for this story. I know I was pretty bad with long delays and short chapters, but I finally got it all done, and I fell so relieved! The link to the Spanish translation of this story is on my profile, so you can catch that out if you need to. So again, thank you so much!**

**I'm going to go off on a little rant here- **

**Do you think you guys to do me (and this website) a favor? Go to Shortbritches85's profile, because she has a petition going to get an NC-17 rating available on fanfiction. Way too many amazing stories, such as The Training by tarasueme, are being pulled from the website. Go to Shortbritches85's story 'Petition' and sign a review.**

**I've got a new idea for a story floating around in my head- it's a story based on a bunch of Taylor Swift girls. I'm usually not into that kind of music, but I really like her songs. Anyway, the story **_**won't**_** be a song-fic, and when it eventually gets uploaded, it'll be called 'Best', so keep an eye out for it. So far, the chapters will be based on these songs (in this order):**

**Tell Me Why, White Horse, I'd Lie, You're Not Sorry, Invisible, Teardrops on My Guitar, and Today was a Fairytale. The rest is yet to be decided. So…can you figure out what the story will be about?**

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BPOV, Four Years Later:

I couldn't believe that I was actually here, graduating from college. Four years ago, I was almost a complete wreck. I had been just barely holding onto the shreds of my life, and I had been so close to just giving up and letting go of everything. Edward managed to change that. Thanks to him, I have faith in myself and in others. I'm not so scared anymore and I feel much more independent than I ever have. I have friends, a job lined up for me, a family, a fiancé…I have everything now. And I wouldn't have found this if it weren't for him.

At first, living with Bipolar Disorder had seemed next to impossible, especially when it turned out my trigger was simply _remembering _things. One little memory could send me into a full on manic episode. In the last four years, I've been on three different medications. I've had five acute manic episodes and three full blown episodes. I can't drink, and I'm never going to go a day of my life without taking some kind of prescription pill. Things are never going to be easy for Edward and I, but they never really have been _easy._ When we got married and had children, there was a good chance that our children could develop Bipolar Disorder.

But Edward was my saving grace…in everything.

"Bella!" And suddenly, thankfully, I was in his arms and he was kissing me. "Congratulations." He said with a smile, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks." I laughed, adjusting the bright blue graduation gown I was wearing. "How come you get to look nice and I have to wear this and look atrocious?" I complained, playing with his tie.

Edward chuckled, and smoothed down his tie and looked me up and down. "Because my graduation was last week, silly. And besides, you definitely do not look _atrocious_. You look beautiful and mature. You're now a college graduate." I rolled my eyes and fiddled with my graduation cap, which I was holding in my hand.

He _had_ graduated last week, from NYU, while I had just graduated today from Barnard. The separate colleges had actually been good for us, although I had been extremely doubtful. But the distance, however short, had made us both a little more dependent. We had both separate and mutual friends, which really helped if we were in an argument or something. He had still been there whenever I needed him, though. For every panic attack and manic episode, Edward was there with me. But beside all of that, I couldn't wait to start our lives together. And that would be starting tonight, when we moved in together officially. I had spent the night in Edward's dorm many times, and vice versa, but now we would actually be living together. And over Christmas Break, we would be getting married.

"Our families are over here." Edward said, gesturing through the crowd. I could just barely make out Emmet's tall frame in the throng of graduates and their friends and families. As we approached our parents and Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmet, I glanced them over.

Alice and Jasper looked just as happy as ever. Jasper had just graduated last week as well; he had gone to NYU like Edward. Alice had just finished her second year of college at the University of Chicago, and she and Jasper would be living together in the city.

Rosalie, who had just finished her second year at the University of Washington, was six months pregnant. She had Emmet had freaked out at first, but now they were taking it well and were prepared to be parents. Well, as prepared as two young people could be. Emmet owned his own body shop in Seattle, and he and Rosalie were scraping up plenty of money to raise their baby. I was proud of them, and so was the rest of our family. Everyone was being wonderfully supportive.

Charlie had even come from for my graduation, along with Renée and Carlisle and Esme. All of them had been amazing as well, and unbelievably supportive. At first, I knew that Esme Cullen had not been my biggest fan. But now, she was even helping Edward and I plan our wedding, offering assistance over things we had absolutely no idea about.

After receiving many congratulations and well wishes, the ten of us had gone out for dinner and then they had gone back to their hotel rooms and Edward and I had gone to our new apartment, taking in our entire future.

From now on, this was _real life_. I wasn't a student anymore, I wasn't a child…I was an independent woman with a fiancé and my whole life ahead of me.

I was not going to let my problems hold me back. I was going to live out my life, and nothing was going to control me. Not anxiety, not my memories, and definitely not my past.

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**Sorry if that was a bit short, it kind of just wrapped up on it's on. In the future, I might do some outtakes, but I'm not sure yet.**

**Thanks yet again for all our kind words, support, and reviews. I want to dedicate this story to my brother in law, Adam. He won't talk about his Bipolar Disorder, but I've seen how hard he tries to control himself and make his life normal. I really admire him for all of that.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


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